Just say no

About 10 years ago, I met Shawn at a bar. He was 5 years younger than me, cute, curly blond hair, beautiful blue eyes, and an animated smile. He was a dancer and had a tight small physique.


He smoked like a chimney and carried around a cigarette case like it was a wallet. I found myself very attracted to him and we spent a lot of time together for several months. But we lost touch suddenly.

Almost a year later, I got a call from him and he wanted to come over to my place. He didn’t sound well on the phone. When he showed up at my door, he looked pale, mouth so dried it almost looked foamy, and his eyes were not the beautiful eyes I remembered. He tearfully confessed about his drug problems. He was jobless and homeless, so he had been living in his car. I didn’t expect this to happen to Shawn at all and I was so sad for him.

Substance use is very common in queer culture. When I was in college, I partied every weekend and it became very unhealthy for me. I realized it was too much when I fainted and fell on the floor at a party. It was probably the most frightening experience and changed my view on drug use.


Shawn talked and I listened without judgment. He told me about his plans to move away. He lived in Japan in the past and now he wanted to go to South Korea. I visited him in South Korea about 6 months later and he was doing really well. He managed turn his life around through courage and that inspired me. He seemed like he was back to himself, cute, curly blond hair, beautiful blond eyes, and animated smile. We hooked up and he definitely had a tight small physique being a dancer.


It took me almost 2 years and traveling on the other side of the globe to have sex with him. It was definitely worth it. Shawn is probably one of few guys I have strong feelings for and I care about him a lot.

Shawn moved back to America about 5 years ago and he is now married to his boyfriend of 5 years.

(also see post from 04.12.2015 about my view on drugs)

5 thoughts on “Just say no

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