Every year, a friend of mine throws Kentuck-gay Derby party, which is is just an excuse to dress up and drink Mint Juleps. It’s mostly white boys in khakis and pink polo shirts. One guy who was there is Conner who is a friend of a friend, whom I usually never hang out on my own. Conner is a white guy who is just about my age. He’s someone who is fairly a big guy with ginger’ish hair. I have known him for at least 7 years and I have never view him as someone I am attracted to.
During last year’s Kentuck-gay Derby party, I chatted with Conner a lot. After too many Mint Juleps, I kissed him as we were walking out of the party.
Although I realized it was a bad decision, I didn’t think the consequences were going to so terrible. He then stopped and said to me “no, I can’t do that. You’re my friend” which is just a polite way to say “I am not attracted to you sexually.”
I saw Conner at the party last night. I didn’t make much effort to talk to him and I also think he had no interest in talking to me. It wasn’t awkward but rather different.
Constantly, I examine my connections with people and have to carefully tease out romantic interest vs friendship interest. In some cases it’s appears blended and I don’t know how to draw the line. At the end of the day, what I want to have is a companionship with little bit sex. Ok, I just thought about having sex with Conner and the first response I had was “ewwww.”