Be cool. Don’t be an asshole.

Almost 3 years ago, I was chatting with Peter on Grindr. Peter is 10 years younger than me, cute, tall, slender, with a bright smile that is so much bigger probably because of his dark complexion. Peter is Indian so that makes him a gaysian too. He just moved in town to start his medical residency. We met for drinks near his medical school.

Throughout the entire time, he was constantly talking about himself and didn’t ask much about me. I didn’t get any feeling that he had interest in getting to know me. At times, people try to impress someone for the first time by only focusing in their positives. Like online dating websites. We only post the best pictures of ourselves and only talk about positive aspects and achievements. Perhaps Peter was doing everything to impress me but something felt like it was not genuine. I tolerated his self indulgence over 3 drinks and went home.

Few weeks later, I saw him on OkCupid so I messaged him

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unmatch

Shortly after I met Fred  (from last week’s blog awkward first date 2), I met Henry, also on match.com. (I sound like a match.com slut). He is 2 years younger than me, white, tall, with a cute smile. He described himself as a smart, loyal, honest guy with a great sense of humor. He enjoys outdoors and traveling. They are all great qualities I appreciate in a guy.

He also said in his profile: “I try to always be considerate but I know I put my foot in my mouth sometimes.” Based on Fred’s foot fetish situation, I hesitated to contact him, but I did.

We both had interest in art (he majored art history in college) so for our first date, Henry and I went to a local art gallery then to a tapas restaurant. We had a great conversation and I definitely felt the connection. Well, at least I thought I did but after 3 dates, I received this email from Henry:

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This is a familiar experience after Luke, whom I also met on match.com, broke up with me via email. See blog from May 24, red hair + bad red wine = bad date

I didn’t respond to Henry’s email and obviously we didn’t speak after that… Until I ran into him at a bar with Sam (See mom > BF to read about Sam)  Turns out Sam and Henry are friends.

It’s always awkward to run into people who rejected you and I now have two of them standing front of me. I wanted to be courageous so I went up to both of them to say hi. Sam greeted me immediately. And as I was saying hello, Henry introduced himself to me with a hand shake like we are meeting for the very first time.

“Hi, I’m Henry.” 

“Yes. We met before.” I am still shaking his hand awkwardly and thought maybe he didn’t want to say hi front of Sam.

“Oh… how did we meet?” Henry asked me. 

“Um, it was a while ago.”

“Where did we meet? Did we meet through someone?” Henry still had no clue.

“Well, we met …. um…., we went out on dates before and you dumped me.”

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“I am going to shut up now.”

“Yes, you should.” Then I walked away abruptly.

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Oh, and every time I go on Facebook, Henry shows up on People You May Know.

I gave up match.com after Henry because I was unmatched with these thee guys: The coupon queen, Quiero el romance, & Ruuuuude. Hello Grindr! 

CrPuHVzT

awkward first date 2

“I’m looking for a real relationship, a life partner, hopefully someone I will grow old with. I’m very sensitive, caring and passionate. I want to be able to hold my partner’s hand every time we walk. I also have a strong sex drive (I’m a bottom).”

I saw this profile on match.com about 5 years ago and contacted him immediately. His name is Fred, who is one year older than me, French guy who got tired of manhunt.com and decided to try match.com to find his match.

For our first date, he picked me up in his Corvette, which I wasn’t really into. He was definitely into how fast he could go. This was clear when he started to race with another car on a highway. It didn’t seem sensitive, caring or passionate as he described in his profile. I was glad that we arrived at our destination, still alive and intact.

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We went to a park near water which was more romantic atmosphere than in his Corvette. It was a warm sunny day and we got all comfy on the grass. He was comfortable enough to ask about how much money I made. Last week I wrote about 3 topics of avoid during a first date (see awkward first date). Job salary should be 4th.

At this point, Fred hasn’t made a good impression and I kept looking for a positive quality he described in his profile. One thing he was right about was a strong sex drive. He asked about my sexual interests and was very open about his foot fetish. I realize I am bit boring when it comes to sexuality, but It got even weirder when he asked me to show my feet out in public. He should have said “I want to be able to hold my partner’s foot every time we walk” in his match.com profile. That would have been more clear description.

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Despite my rule of giving everyone second chance after first date, Fred was disqualified from that rule.

red hair + bad red wine = bad date

About 7 years ago, I met Luke on match.com, a Jewish doctor. He is same age as me, about my height and weight, and has red hair. (Did I ever mention that I am a huge ginger fan?)

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For our first date, Luke made me the most romantic candlelight dinner at this place. As much as I enjoy drinking red wine, I have very little knowledge in different types of wine, what vineyards they come from, and what oaky, fruity, smoky, or dry tastes are like. I bought a bottle of red I picked from the liquor store because it had a cute label on it.

When I opened it, the cork crumbled into piece into the bottle (THE WORST!!) and it bad-winetasted like vinegar. Luckily he had another bottle. The dinner conversation was going great. We talked about wine of course, work, family, where we grew up, and other random topics relates to gay men.

We had sex afterwards. To be honest, I am probably not the most active participant during sex. I guess one would call me a lazy top. I personally enjoyed with Luke, but I wasn’t sure if he felt the same. I wish there is a swipe right or left to rate sexual performance. Can someone create an app for this?

Instead, Luke sent me an e-mail which reads….“I think you’re a nice guy, but I am not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you. Sorry.”

I wanted to ask if it was because the sex was bad? Instead I replied: “Is it because the wine I brought was bad?”

He replied “yes, it was because of the wine. j/k”

Few years later, my new roommate at the time had a birthday party at a restaurant. And just take a wild guess who is close friend of my new roommate? Luke, the red head, who was sat next to me, drinking red wine. I see him on the street all the time and we also go to the same gym. My roommate told me he has a boyfriend now.

I should have brought vodka to the dinner date instead. Or I just have to be wilder during sex.

kiss me and thrill me

When I was in college, I met MJ. He was few years older than me, a black guy, with a great body for someone who does not work out, and a great sense of humor. We met through mutual friends and always ran into each other at parties. One night, we both had lots of alcohol and he took me to his apartment. His apartment was fully decorated with retro aesthetics…, halogen lamps, beaded curtains.

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We drank more beer on his couch and we started to kiss. Alcohol definitely effects your vision and coordination, because we kept knocking each other’s teeth when we were kissing. It was not sexy at all. I essentially had to put a stop because it was leading into a case of terrible sex. After that, it got awkward so I went home.

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Few months later, I saw him at a party again and this time we weren’t as drunk. I wanted to give a second round and kissed him at the party. It was not good, again!

First kiss usually tells it all.

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Kiss me I’m Irish

While most Americans have no idea who St. Patrick is (and I don’t either), Americans celebrate this Irish holiday by wearing green, drinking lots of green beer, and sending emojicon messages of clovers to everyone.

When I went to Savannah, Georgia last year, I was quite shocked to find out they have one of the biggest St. Patrick’s Day celebration in America.

I am going to celebrate it by recalling all the Irish guy I dated. My 02.02.2015 entry called Love For Football also talks about an Irish guy I dated. 

One guy I met worked in a corporate office of a large retail company. He is in his late 30’s, medium build, and slightly taller than me. We met for coffee and had a casual to boring conversations. Then we went out dancing. He had wild moves. When I say wild I meant like a crazy lunatic who was bumping into everyone on the dance floor. I was terrified and he made me spill my drinks few times. I rejected him after that.

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Another Irish guy I dated was, Bruce, an older gay who was incredibly good looking. I met Bruce through a friend, Cole, and we started to spend time together at a bar, usually talking about very intimate life experiences. He was very sensitive. He was formerly a model and still maintained an amazing physique and handsomeness while in 40’s. Although he expressed interest in dating, he rejected my offer and I was disappointed.

We still kept our friendship. One day, Bruce was telling me about a guy he was rejected by, throwing a pity party saying he gets rejected all the time. I asked him (referencing to my rejection) – “but I am sure you rejected some guys too.” He said no and I quickly pointed myself to remind him. He laughed embarrassingly.

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About 5 years ago, I was on match.com to find a perfect match. On these profiles, people only describe best qualities and post best photos of themselves. This often may not be 100% accurate to their true self which I end up finding out in person. But, it is the only way to make an impression to get noticed. I, of course, had a description of myself in the utmost positive ways and posted pictures I looked good in, which includes a photo of me skydiving.

I received a message from Santiago, a Mexican-American who was same age as me. His profile described himself as a fun, loving, studious, and spiritual guy. Other qualities include generosity, kindness, light heartedness and a healthy lifestyle. And he was looking to meet guys for friendships and potentially dating.

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His message to me said: “I liked your profile. Neat skydiving pic! There is something about the idea of jumping out of an airplane that really appeals to me. I once went zip lining from top of a tall tree in Mexico and it was amazing. Anything that challenges my fear is appealing.”

When it comes to meeting someone online, I always meet for coffee or drinks for the first date. You don’t want to be stuck with a terrible date throughout the entire meal. Also, if coffee/cocktail date goes well, you have the option to go to a different place afterwards or have a follow up date. Also, for a second date, lunch or brunch is a safe option. It’s a shorter meal than dinner and can give you an easy escape option. Santiago and I met for coffee.

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He was tall, wore a pair of nerdy-sheik glasses that were so sexy on him.  He had a pale skin tone, appearing more white than Mexican. His Spanish accent was stronger than my coffee, which I find muy caliente!

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We had a great conversation and I suggested ice cream after coffee. While we were walking around to enjoying our ice cream cone, a heavy down pour rain storm came suddenly. We had no umbrella so we ran, seeking shelter. And by the time we got into a building, we were both drenched and our ice creams were completely ruined. I found it somewhat romantic but he seemed very displease. He ended our date abruptly.

For someone who finds an appeal from challenging fear, a little bit of getting soaked from summer rain should not be a major issue. Maybe he was upset that he didn’t get to finish his ice cream.

I never heard back from him after that.