daddy issues

If you’re looking to read an uplighting story, this one is not it. It’s about to get Debby Downer real quick.

Exactly thirty years ago this month, my biological father died from a tragic accident. I was only 8 at the time and somehow I spent my childhood without grieving the loss.

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20’s vs 30’s

On 06.21.2015, I wrote about the special bond between Gaysians and white daddies. Click here to read “Happy daddy day” .

Also, there is an increasing amount of younger gays who are into gaysian daddies. Few months ago, this happened:

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It was the first time anyone has referred me as a “daddy” figure.

More and more of my friends around my age group are dating much younger guys. I certainly have tried to date younger guys before. Read “Two different worlds” about Stan who is 8 years younger than me.

About 2 years ago, I chatted with Ricky on OkCupid. Ricky is 11 years younger than me still living with his parents while he attends college majoring hospitality. We agreed to meet for drinks but it was difficult to pin down a time because of his crazy class schedule.

First bar we attempted to go was jammed packed and there were no seats. So we found another bar down the street, but there was a private function. Finally, we walked around the corner to another bar and had few beers there. It was in autumn so we had pumpkin beers. We had great conversations about his school, and his part time job at a hotel, and his career goals. We also talked about his cat that is old and sick.

Ricky was definitely cute and attractive, but I kept questioning to myself can I possibly be in a relationship with someone who lives with his parents. Do I want become his “sugar daddy” figure?  What can he offer in return if I was the provider for him?

When I was in my 20’s, my priorities were getting drunk at a night club, dancing my ass off in my expensive designer jeans I couldn’t afford, making out with some random boy on the dance floor for a possible chance to get laid, then hoping it will turn into a long term relationship for the week until the following weekend. They say average human’s brain is fully developed at age 25 and I do think when I turned 25, I experienced a quarter-life-crisis. Suddenly, my priorities were more about how to build a successful career to make money for living and realized buying a pair of jeans that costs as much as a car payment seemed ridiculous. Read more about quarter life crisis.

With two pumpkin beers with sugar rim, Ricky and I attempted to find relatable connections but I think we both struggled. I didn’t call him for a follow up date. Few months later, I was sitting at a bar with few friends and Ricky was there, standing next to me to get a drink. I could tell he was uncomfortable when he recognized me so I made him more uncomfortable by saying “You can’t just ignore me.” We greeted each other superficially and he updated me about his cat that died recently. He was still living with his parents and still in college.

What does 30 years old minus 20 years old seem more than 10 years? I am due to turn 40 in several years and I am anxious to fin out what my life will be like in 40’s. I think I can qualify to be a “daddy” in my 40’s.

Click here to learn 30 things gay men need to know before turning 30.


happy daddy day

About 3 years ago, I met Daniel. He is almost 15 years older than me, white, nice hairy chest, somewhat muscular, dark hair, and blue eyes. Despite our age difference, I felt sexually comfortable with him. When we had sex, he wore a jockstrap and I have to admit, it was soooo high school locker room fantasy.


Overall, he was “swipe right” in bed. While I was attracted to Daniel physically, it felt challenging to connect with him personally due to the age difference.

Last year, I was vacationing in NYC and I ran into Daniel randomly at a gay bar. We kept in touch and he invited to me a party he was hosting. I think almost 90% of the people at the party were Asians. And most younger than me. He definitely deserved the “rice queen” title. 


Relationship between a rice queen & a potato queen is an interesting phenomenon. I see so many young gaysians with older white daddies. I don’t know why this is so common. Perhaps it’s a twisted gay version of Freud’s Oedipus complex.

Sigmund Freud

At the party, the one guy I was most attracted to happens to be an older white daddy type…. literally, he was a father of three children.


After the party, a bunch of gaysians went out to dinner. I then noticed myself being attracted to them. Rather than sexual attraction, I found myself being connected with them in ways I cannot possibly connect with older white daddies. After all, I like rice more than potato. Except french fries. I really love french fries.


 Several months ago, I hooked up with Daniel again. He wore the jockstrap again. Maybe he wears it everyday.