Strings Attracted

As a single gay man, similar to pretty much anyone who has hit puberty, I have sexual appetite and I get hungry sometimes. To fulfill my appetite, I go on Grindr to browse where you will find a variety of menu options to choose from, weather I go the place for a sit-down meal or order home delivery. It is very efficient to reach satisfaction, but you never know what you will get. I had some really good ones and I had some really terrible ones.

When it comes to one night stands, I think out-of-town visitors are perfect for NSA activities. NSA, which stands of no strings attached, is purely a simple sexual encounter with no further interactions required.

About 3 years ago, I was very hungry one night so I logged on Grindr. I chatted with a guy who was visiting from UK. He is white, 5 years older than me, and the photo of his profile (torso only) displayed his nice chest and abs. After a brief explanation of our tastes, he sent me his face photo and he was definitely cute. He is little bit taller than me with brown hair and brown eyes. He had cute dimples and I always found dimples sexy.

We agreed to meet and I went over to his hotel. Likely from fear of unknown, my anxiety level elevated as I was going up the hotel elevator.

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When he opened the door, he said my name (in British accent) and I was shocked how he knew my name since I didn’t tell him. With a brief clarification, I learned that we have same names. After getting over the awkward introduction, we quickly took off each other’s clothes. Comparison to feeling so anxious in the elevator, I was all relaxed in his bed. To be honest, I can’t remember much about sex with him. Don’t get me wrong, it was good and I had a great time. But what I remembered the most is getting to know him personally.

He is from a coastal town just south of London, UK and was in town for a work conference. He works in cancer research. He seemed sweet and kind. When I meet guys I like, I can’t help to go into all the “what if’s” scene in my head. On my way home, I had envisions of me living in London, being a lover of a famous doctor. He returned to UK few days later.

Can NSA really be completely detached? For me, I need some level of connection to feel sexual pleasure with someone. Yes, anonymous encounters provide complete privacy, but complete blind-fold does not excite me at all. Sexual chemistry should have some strings that may at least be attracted, if not attached.

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Even though my intent was NSA with the British doctor, we ended up becoming Facebook friends. We have been messaging each other once a while since, usually on holidays and birthdays.

Also read more about NSA on Aries gay man’s blog: On String and Attachment: No Strings Attached

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friends with benefits

If you read “Bros befo hoes 2” on July 19, I wrote about Liam, whom I met through my friend Taylor. Few years ago, I went to a bar with Liam and Taylor. I met Shamus there. So keep up with me here. Taylor liked both Liam and Shamus. Liam and Shamus dated. And now I am about to do ‘bros befo hoes 3’ on Shamus. We should just have a big orgy and call it a day.

Shamus is 4 years younger than me, white, about my height and an average build. He sorta reminded me of Ron (See St. Valentines vs. Buddha). Shamus and I exchanged phone numbers and he called me the very next day. We met up for ice cream and for almost 2 hours, we did not stop conversing.

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We went out on few dates and one night when Shamus and I were hanging out at his place, Taylor texted Shamus what he was up to. Shamus looked at me with a suspicion I had something to do with it. “Why is Taylor texting me? He never texts me.” This got me all paranoid. Taylor knew that I like Shamus so is Taylor purposely trying to sabotage it? Is there something between them that I am completely clueless about? He did reply the message to Taylor “I will be catching up on my sleep.” Then we had sex that night. 

In the morning, we cuddled in his tiny twin bed and I was smiling head to toe. If you are a coffee addict, I think you can relate to the panic when Shamus said he did not have coffee at his place. So he ran to a coffee place to bring me my morning fix. Then he made banana pancakes. 

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These small gestures gave me reassurance that we were dating.

One night, we went to a gay bar, where lot of our mutual friends, including Taylor and Liam, spend weekends at. It’s a two level venue where you can check out the first floor from the upper level. While I was getting a drink from the upstairs bar, I saw Shamus talking to a guy downstairs. I tried not to be a crazy jealous chick but I obsessively monitored him. After witnessing them have a make out session, I made an abrupt exit.

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Within minutes my cell phone vibrated.

“Where are you?” Shamus asked.

“I am on my way home.”

“Are you ok?” He probably realized what he did made me upset.

“I am fine….. (silence) ……..  Shamus, how do you view… us?”

“Ummm… I think we’re friends.”

“What kind of friends?”

“Just friends…..I am sorry. I should have said something. I just assumed that you knew. I am sorry for not being clear.”

“Well, it is definitely clear now. Good night.”

Maybe he just wanted to be FWB, but I wanted full benefits including medical coverage and two weeks of vacation. Besides, morning cuddle and banana pancakes in bed with coffee are not the usual deal in a FWB package and I did’t get the clear memo he only wanted to be friends.

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About a year later, I went to meet up few friends at a bar and there was Shamus talking to my friends when I walked in.

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Alright, you might think I was the angry bitter jealous guy, but honestly, I was able to talk to Shamus without bitch slapping him. My friends asked how we knew each other, which created an awkward silence. He then acknowledge he was an asshole to me. I think that gave me some closure.