Singled out

About 4 years ago, I started chatting with Keegan on Grindr. He’s a cute white guy who is same age as me. It was pretty flirty and he sent me some dick pics voluntarily, which I did actually enjoy receiving. We sexted for months then lost touch.

Few months ago, I was at a gay bar. An Asian guy and a white guy walked in (sounds like a start of a cheesy joke) and sat right next to me. They were both cute and I started chatting with them. Turns out they live in my neighborhood and they are NOT a couple. But white guy, Marshall, is married. They are friends who have been organizing an open studios event for neighborhood local artists and invited to Marshall’s husband’s art showing next month.

So I show up to this event last month and there was Marshall and his artist husband, Keegan. They, along with rest of the gay couples all over, are in an open relationship.


It is so rare that I randomly talk to cute guys at a bar but when I do, I constantly pick someone who is already in a relationship and I am getting irritated that I am not even in one to consider being open. When I am on the dating apps, at least half of the profiles are “married” and “open relationships.” And the singles are only looking for NSA hook-ups.

Am I a singled-out-single looking for another single guy to date? All the single ladies, put your hands up!


Gayly matrimony

It’s been a year since gay marriage became legal in US and many gays got married since. What always confuses me is those who are in open marriages. Read about married guys I hooked up with here: Divorce Equality too

Few months after the US Supreme Court legalized gay marriage, I received a friend request from, Kevin, a cute guy on Facebook, who had many mutual friends. While it is not my usual way to meet guys, we exchanged phone numbers and flirted with each other for weeks. 
IMG_4323 copy

IMG_4321 copy

Then this happened as he recommended a Chinese restaurant he’s been to:

IMG_4325 copyIMG_4326 copy

IMG_4327 copy

I was so confused of what his intent was when he first reached out to me. I stopped communicating with him after realizing there is no possibility of building any significant relationship with him other than having mutual friends on Facebook.

It also made me question what I would want in a married relationship. I think if people were flirting with my husband, in someways, it will be a compliment ‘yep, my husband is so cute, everyone wants him and I have him.’ What if my husband was flirting back? Would that make me jealous? What if I was flirting with other guys?

 For me, flirting is acceptable behavior in marriage and I will probably view it harmless socialization with people who are appealing to talk to. But, if the intent to flirt is more than a simple person-to-person interaction, I think I’d be hurt. I don’t know if Kevin’s husband knows about these text messages but if I was his husband, I don’t think I’d appreciate it. I believe marriage should not happen until I am assured that my partner and I are able to have complete trust in each other. I guess I am vey traditional in some sense.

I also thought about what kind of wedding I would want. I have been to many many weddings and many of the couples spend thousands of dollars and months to plan. But what is too much? Especially when half of marriages end in divorce and people remarry. Also, they invite many guests including some distant relatives they barely know. Yes, there is something special about announcing that I want to commit to someone to people around me. But I prefer to have more intimate wedding with my closest friends who have served significant importance in my life.

Am I a good husband material?


Asian American vs Asian Asian


May is Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month. Asians in America have come a long way when it comes to tolerance but continues struggle with acceptance in this white-dominant society.

Regardless, GLBT rights are much stronger in US than Asian countries. Currently, no Asian countries allow same sex couples to legally marry. Many other countries through Europe and Africa legalized same sex marriage and it has been almost a year since the U.S. Supreme Court ruled to legalize same-sex marriage. Read Divorce Equality Too my response to that.  

While it is great to have freedom in this country, I also feel like gays abuse that freedom to the extreme. Most of the gay couples who are married have open marriage. I guess as long as two people in a relationship are in complete agreement with sex outside of marriage. But, my personal values have a conflicting view with the concept of open marriage. Some argue it only helps the relationship to last, which is what Kyle told me when I met him.

Just about a year ago, I met Kyle at a bar. He is in his late 30’s, short, stocky, a cub type.

He is married (to a guy) and they live in New York City. Kyle travels for work and was in town for two days. We had a great conversation and I found his bitchy-sarcastic humor strangely attractive. As we exited the bar, we kissed in the middle of the street which was an invitation to his hotel room where he gave be an amazing BJ (probably best one ever I received).

While I know he and his husband have an agreement, I felt little bit guilty. I also hate being the “other woman.” We stayed in touch and even became Facebook friends, which gave me a great opportunity to Facebook stalk his husband. It made me even more confused because the husband is so attractive. Why would they need to find alternative partners if they have something so great?

I do think Asian Americans acculturate themselves in America but many still hold on to their traditional family values. Gosh, I sound like a total prude.

divorce equality too

For the month of June, LGBTQ communities throughout the world have been celebrating pride. This weekend was even more proud when Supreme Court ruled to allow all 50 states to legalize gay marriage. Rainbow was literally exploding everywhere.


However, the definition of marriage seems so subjective. There is a legal definition and religious definition. There is also a personal value to what marriage means to two in a relationship. On 04.12.2015 blog, I briefly talked about open relationships being a norm in gay culture. I know this because I hooked up with 3 guys, Rob, Scott, and Eric. Each of them were married (to guys).

About 3 years ago, I met Rob through a friend, Sam, (whom I was whine-wine’ing with from 04.05.2015 blog On my own), when Rob and his husband of 16 years had us over to their brand new condo. They lived in a high rise flat with an amazing skyline view of the city from their balcony, where we had dinner cooked by Rob’s husband. So there I am, sitting at a gorgeous balcony with a gorgeous view, eating on a gorgeous table setting, prepared by gorgeous guys.

Few months later, Rob invited me over to his place again. He was home alone. It was awkward, but we had sex and I somewhat regretted it. Later that year, I learned that he and his husband divorced. Since, Rob found another boyfriend and now married for the second time.

I met Scott through another friend at a bar few years ago. The Scarlet Letter still 5Scott was very flirty and I was very attracted to him. I certainly enjoyed the attention until he told me that he was getting married in one week and I thought ‘damn it, all the good ones are taken.’ Scott and I had a chance to spent some time together for few months and he came over to my place one night. He became physically flirty and as we begin to kiss, I thought ‘can I possibly be in a relationship with him?’ He probably heard my thoughts because he paused at one point. He explained he and his husband were in an open marriage. Few months after that, I bumped into Scott at a party and he introduced me to his husband. The entire time at the party, I felt like I was Demi Moore wearing a red letter A on my chest. Scott and his husband recently separated and I still question myself ‘can I possibly being a relationship with him?’

rs_464x749-150224155903-634-2calvin-harris-malibuLast year, I met Eric through another friend. Eric has the most amazing body ever. He has that sexy V obliques. I couldn’t resist when he suggested to hang out at our place. With Eric, I knew he and his husband were in an open relationship. Because I only had physical attraction to Eric, so having sex with him was not as awkward.

Also, read Keep it in the Closet blog from 04.19.2015, which was about the str8 married guy whom I hooked up with.

With these experiences, I wonder if there is a such thing as happily married ever after. Or is marriage a constant efforts by two people to survive in the relationship? I personally value monogamy, especially if I am married. If I was in a relationship that is open, perhaps relationship is not ready for marriage. Half of married couples in US divorce. Now gays can get married anywhere in US, I wonder what the divorce rate will be like.