In my last blog, I wanna dance with somebody, I gave you a teaser about a guy named Frederick, whom Dennis went out on a date with.
About 2 years ago, Frederick and I matched on OkCupid. He is about 3 years older than me, pasty white boy with pretty blue eyes, cute smile, and nerdy glasses. We chatted, exchanged phone numbers, and even became Facebook friends as we had several mutual friends. However, Frederick and I never had a chance to meet in person. While I was stalking him on Facebook for the next few months, I noticed that all of his pictures were with a cute gaysian. It was pretty clear that he was Frederick’s boyfriend and perhaps this is why we didn’t meet.
Last year, I heard some rumors from friends that Frederick and his boyfriend broke up. Soon after, I was on Tinder and Frederick’s profile showed up. Of course I swiped right and we were a match. I took the opportunity of his singlehoood and hit him up. We finally made plans to meet and went to a gay bar on a Sunday late afternoon. We drank rum & coke (not my usual cocktail), which to led to dancing, which led to physical contact, which led to kiss. Frederick was not the best kisser but I found him adorable regardless.
His hand was on my butt and he commented how nice it was. I commented his was better and whispered what I wanted to do with his. I had a hard-on on the dance floor and I was pretty much trying to have sex with him on the dance floor.
Two years ago, I wrote a blog about 10 dating principles as part of new year’s goal. As I review this, I have deviated from some of these values at times. Very first one is he must be single! That means not married (even if separated) or have a boyfriend or any other serious committed long term relationships. Apparently, I can’t even stick to rule # 1 because I constantly encounter guys who are not single.
One of them was Wade, whom, oddly, I connected with on OkCupid. He didn’t have face photos (just body parts obviously) but his profile intrigued me. He is 35, white guy, who is into outdoor activities and beer. I clicked on “like” and OkCupid let me know we were a match. I messaged him first then we used Snapchat to…. you know, snap and chat.
Yesterday morning, I went to spin class and as soon I walked in to the locker room, I saw Baylor half naked and I tried my best to not do this:
I connected with Baylor about 3 years ago on Grindr. He is same age as me, white, sexy-bald head, short-stocky, physically fit type of a guy who can easily be mistaken for a bear. It started with a typical Grindr chat which included photo sharing. We also shared phone numbers and texted about sewing, which was a 180 turn from the chat we had on Grindr.
Wait, did he just say his boyfriend?!? He just slipped in there between fabric shopping and gayness of sewing. This was surprising yet not, given my track record of being only attracted to unavailable men. Regardless, we continued to flirt.
After the spin class yesterday, he invited me over to his place and we hung out for a bit. He talked about sewing and knitting and I pretended to listen as I was visualizing “sewing and knitting” him with my hands and my tongue. But I kept telling myself that I don’t want to get involved with unavailable men. Nothing happened and I went home. As soon as I got home, I received a text from him.
I realized my hormones were highly activated after the spin class so I had to properly cool down from the intense work-out (and Baylor’s text messages). I clarified with Baylor about his relationship status which he and his boyfriend have an open relationship.
Even though sewing and kitting a cute boy once in a while can be fun, I want the whole outfit and the wardrobe. I am looking for the whole package of relationship which can include going to the gym together then having another sweaty work-out in bed afterwards.
Every year, a friend of mine throws Kentuck-gay Derby party, which is is just an excuse to dress up and drink Mint Juleps. It’s mostly white boys in khakis and pink polo shirts. One guy who was there is Conner who is a friend of a friend, whom I usually never hang out on my own. Conner is a white guy who is just about my age. He’s someone who is fairly a big guy with ginger’ish hair. I have known him for at least 7 years and I have never view him as someone I am attracted to.
During last year’s Kentuck-gay Derby party, I chatted with Conner a lot. After too many Mint Juleps, I kissed him as we were walking out of the party.
Several months ago, I met Robert at a party where I ran into Carl. Read about Carl here: when hook ups show up.
Robert is in his mid 30’s, tall, pale white, ginger’ish blond, blue eyes, who is geeky-sexy. Throughout the party, I kept staring at his nice butt and being 6 foot 5 he is, it felt like it was right in my face every time he turned around.
He was incredibly kind and sweet. He was easy to talk to but I felt like I had to scream facing up at him because he was so freaking tall. Robert works in non-profit doing humanitarian work. He describes himself as an idealist who truly seems like an idealist.
After the party, he drove me home and all of my friends assumed that we hooked up, just because we left the party together.
Almost 3 years ago, I was chatting with Peter on Grindr. Peter is 10 years younger than me, cute, tall, slender, with a bright smile that is so much bigger probably because of his dark complexion. Peter is Indian so that makes him a gaysian too. He just moved in town to start his medical residency. We met for drinks near his medical school.
Throughout the entire time, he was constantly talking about himself and didn’t ask much about me. I didn’t get any feeling that he had interest in getting to know me. At times, people try to impress someone for the first time by only focusing in their positives. Like online dating websites. We only post the best pictures of ourselves and only talk about positive aspects and achievements. Perhaps Peter was doing everything to impress me but something felt like it was not genuine. I tolerated his self indulgence over 3 drinks and went home.
Few weeks later, I saw him on OkCupid so I messaged him
About 3 years ago, I met Mike for coffee after chatting with him on Grindr for few weeks. Mike is about 10 years older than me, white guy who just ended an almost 20 year relationship. They were practically married, living together with like 5 dogs, which they had to split custody of when they broke up. He rationalized that break-up created an opportunities to focus on his growth and was a pivotal moment in his life to have a fresh start. Instead of focusing on sadness from loss, he focused on compassion and kindness.
Mike values connection between spiritual body and physical body. (BTW, he is RIPPED from doing yoga daily.) I, myself, practice yoga frequently. For most people, yoga is physical fitness and even gyms now offer yoga classes. Yes, I think it’s a good form of exercise. And, I totally want to look like Adam Levine.
But for me, yoga is also exercising my mind and my spirit. There is an element in yoga where you find peace within through meditation. I try channeling this to my day-to-day life circumstances. I try to practice kindness and compassion to myself and others. After all the negative dating experiences, it’s easier to carry a pessimistic attitude. I am learning to find gratitude. I guess this is called soul searching.
I have been reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and this quote really resonated with me:
I am constantly reminded of needing to finding a soul mate from seeing couples holding hands in the streets or friends telling me about their wonderful relationships and constant exposures from TVs, movies, and magazines showing images of those perfect couples. While I aspire to be in a relationship, I have learned to fully appreciate singlehood which helps me to be introspectful. It really helps me to place that mirror front of me to reflect every little wrinkles and imperfections, only to learn how to love myself unconditionally. When I am in a dark place, it is when people come into my life to help me find the light and grow.
Speaking of guys who practice buddhism, I have gone out with few of them. Read about Ron (St. Valentines vs. Buddha) and Scott (Size Queen 2). As for Mike, he moved out of town and we lost touch.