Happy birthday to Jesus!

I hope everyone had wonderful holidays. I think holidays can be sometimes more difficult than fun. I always have good intention to start Christmas shopping early then all the sudden it’s few weeks before Christmas and with rise in online shopping, packages are either delayed or stolen from the front porch. I know that it’s more about joy of giving, but it is more annoying to receive something I don’t need or want, as it take up space I already don’t have. Not to mention seeing families and relatives you don’t care for to avoid the discussions around politics. 

Regardless, happy birthday to Jesus!

I think I met a gay’ish Jesus earlier this year when I went to a music festival. It resembled smaller scale of the Burning Man, but without burning anything but instead, lots of glitter.  The diversity was beyond the stretch of possibilities and being a gay man seemed really boring as majority were sexually-fluid, gender-bending, non-binary, and queer with capital Q. 

I was dancing in my rainbow meggings and LED lit sneaks. Behind me was a cute guy with a Jesus-looking long brown hair, also wearing a pair of meggings with laser cat prints. He praised my outfit which led to innocent flirtations. Derek was in his late 20’s who worked at a wood shop so I guess just like Jesus, who was a carpenter. While I was chatting with him, he seemed nervous and awkward, though it is very possible that he was on drugs. But we carried on a conversation for a while but despite physical attractions, he was not as engaging as I wanted to. I might be bit judgmental at times, but Derek seemed like a comic-con type of guy who enjoys costume parties. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was into furries.

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Singled out

About 4 years ago, I started chatting with Keegan on Grindr. He’s a cute white guy who is same age as me. It was pretty flirty and he sent me some dick pics voluntarily, which I did actually enjoy receiving. We sexted for months then lost touch.

Few months ago, I was at a gay bar. An Asian guy and a white guy walked in (sounds like a start of a cheesy joke) and sat right next to me. They were both cute and I started chatting with them. Turns out they live in my neighborhood and they are NOT a couple. But white guy, Marshall, is married. They are friends who have been organizing an open studios event for neighborhood local artists and invited to Marshall’s husband’s art showing next month.

So I show up to this event last month and there was Marshall and his artist husband, Keegan. They, along with rest of the gay couples all over, are in an open relationship.

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It is so rare that I randomly talk to cute guys at a bar but when I do, I constantly pick someone who is already in a relationship and I am getting irritated that I am not even in one to consider being open. When I am on the dating apps, at least half of the profiles are “married” and “open relationships.” And the singles are only looking for NSA hook-ups.

Am I a singled-out-single looking for another single guy to date? All the single ladies, put your hands up!

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Connect to internet to be more disconnected from people

I just watched a movie called Her. It’s a romantic sci-fi drama film, written, directed, and produced by Spike Jonze. The main character, Theodore, develops a relationship with Samantha, an artificial intelligence through an operating system. He then loses interest when a mysterious existence became too much of a reality. Plus he was getting jealous of Samantha “seeing” other users. Love does make you do crazy things.

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It is a bizarre story, yet it resonated with me, particularly with advancing technology for people to connect these days. For me, it started with AOL back around year 2000. Read the story about meeting Chris on AOL here: Fumbling towards Ecstasy.

Almost 20 years after Y2K threat, technology has advanced to instant message capabilities on a small little cellular phone that also has a system that follows your verbal instructions. Call me paranoid, but I think Siri listens to all my conversations and pulls ads on my social media feeds. But, I don’t want to contradict as I write my entire personal life stories on this blog for world to see.

Grindr, Scruff, Jack’d, Surge, Hornet, Chappy, Tinder, etc. are the now AOL, which allows you to instantly connect with other app users for dates, hook ups, and maybe even fall in love with an actual person, not an artificial intelligence that bitch Samantha.

Back in 2016, I chatted with this cute guy on Grindr. His name was Shaun, who was in his early 30’s white guy who worked in a local government office. We had a typical superficial chats with unsolicited dick pics from him. Then I decided to give him my number. He texted me and it got no where.

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Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

In my last blog, I wanna dance with somebody, I gave you a teaser about a guy named Frederick, whom Dennis went out on a date with.

About 2 years ago, Frederick and I matched on OkCupid. He is about 3 years older than me, pasty white boy with pretty blue eyes, cute smile, and nerdy glasses. We chatted, exchanged phone numbers, and even became Facebook friends as we had several mutual friends. However, Frederick and I never had a chance to meet in person. While I was stalking him on Facebook for the next few months, I noticed that all of his pictures were with a cute gaysian. It was pretty clear that he was Frederick’s boyfriend and perhaps this is why we didn’t meet.

Last year, I heard some rumors from friends that Frederick and his boyfriend broke up. Soon after, I was on Tinder and Frederick’s profile showed up. Of course I swiped right and we were a match. I took the opportunity of his singlehoood and hit him up. We finally made plans to meet and went to a gay bar on a Sunday late afternoon. We drank rum & coke (not my usual cocktail), which to led to dancing, which led to physical contact, which led to kiss. Frederick was not the best kisser but I found him adorable regardless.

His hand was on my butt and he commented how nice it was. I commented his was better and whispered what I wanted to do with his. I had a hard-on on the dance floor and I was pretty much trying to have sex with him on the dance floor.

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Straight AF

Two years ago, I wrote a blog about 10 dating principles as part of new year’s goal. As I review this, I have deviated from some of these values at times. Very first one is he must be single! That means not married (even if separated) or have a boyfriend or any other serious committed long term relationships. Apparently, I can’t even stick to rule # 1 because I constantly encounter guys who are not single.

One of them was Wade, whom, oddly, I connected with on OkCupid. He didn’t have face photos (just body parts obviously) but his profile intrigued me. He is 35, white guy, who is into outdoor activities and beer. I clicked on “like” and OkCupid let me know we were a match. I messaged him first then we used Snapchat to…. you know, snap and chat.

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I want the WHOLE package, not just a package

Yesterday morning, I went to spin class and as soon I walked in to the locker room, I saw Baylor half naked and I tried my best to not do this:

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I connected with Baylor about 3 years ago on Grindr. He is same age as me, white, sexy-bald head, short-stocky, physically fit type of a guy who can easily be mistaken for a bear. It started with a typical Grindr chat which included photo sharing. We also shared phone numbers and texted about sewing, which was a 180 turn from the chat we had on Grindr.

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Wait, did he just say his boyfriend?!? He just slipped in there between fabric shopping and gayness of sewing. This was surprising yet not, given my track record of being only attracted to unavailable men. Regardless, we continued to flirt.

After the spin class yesterday, he invited me over to his place and we hung out for a bit. He talked about sewing and knitting and I pretended to listen as I was visualizing “sewing and knitting” him with my hands and my tongue. But I kept telling myself that I don’t want to get involved with unavailable men.  Nothing happened and I went home. As soon as I got home, I received a text from him.

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I realized my hormones were highly activated after the spin class so I had to properly cool down from the intense work-out (and Baylor’s text messages). I clarified with Baylor about his relationship status which he and his boyfriend have an open relationship.

Even though sewing and kitting a cute boy once in a while can be fun, I want the whole outfit and the wardrobe. I am looking for the whole package of relationship which can include going to the gym together then having another sweaty work-out in bed afterwards.

Kissing a friend

Every year, a friend of mine throws Kentuck-gay Derby party, which is is just an excuse to dress up and drink Mint Juleps. It’s mostly white boys in khakis and pink polo shirts. One guy who was there is Conner who is a friend of a friend, whom I usually never hang out on my own. Conner is a white guy who is just about my age. He’s someone who is fairly a big guy with ginger’ish hair. I have known him for at least 7 years and I have never view him as someone I am attracted to.

During last year’s Kentuck-gay Derby party, I chatted with Conner a lot. After too many Mint Juleps, I kissed him as we were walking out of the party.

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Happy second birthday, Jesus.

Several months ago, I met Robert at a party where I ran into Carl. Read about Carl here: when hook ups show up.

Robert is in his mid 30’s, tall, pale white, ginger’ish blond, blue eyes, who is geeky-sexy. Throughout the party, I kept staring at his nice butt and being 6 foot 5 he is, it felt like it was right in my face every time he turned around.

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He was incredibly kind and sweet. He was easy to talk to but I felt like I had to scream facing up at him because he was so freaking tall. Robert works in non-profit doing humanitarian work. He describes himself as an idealist who truly seems like an idealist.

After the party, he drove me home and all of my friends assumed that we hooked up, just because we left the party together.

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Be cool. Don’t be an asshole.

Almost 3 years ago, I was chatting with Peter on Grindr. Peter is 10 years younger than me, cute, tall, slender, with a bright smile that is so much bigger probably because of his dark complexion. Peter is Indian so that makes him a gaysian too. He just moved in town to start his medical residency. We met for drinks near his medical school.

Throughout the entire time, he was constantly talking about himself and didn’t ask much about me. I didn’t get any feeling that he had interest in getting to know me. At times, people try to impress someone for the first time by only focusing in their positives. Like online dating websites. We only post the best pictures of ourselves and only talk about positive aspects and achievements. Perhaps Peter was doing everything to impress me but something felt like it was not genuine. I tolerated his self indulgence over 3 drinks and went home.

Few weeks later, I saw him on OkCupid so I messaged him

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Namaste bitches

About 3 years ago, I met Mike for coffee after chatting with him on Grindr for few weeks. Mike is about 10 years older than me, white guy who just ended an almost 20 year relationship. They were practically married, living together with like 5 dogs, which they had to split custody of when they broke up. He rationalized that break-up created an opportunities to focus on his growth and was a pivotal moment in his life to have a fresh start. Instead of focusing on sadness from loss, he focused on compassion and kindness.

Mike values connection between spiritual body and physical body. (BTW, he is RIPPED from doing yoga daily.) I, myself, practice yoga frequently. For most people, yoga is physical fitness and even gyms now offer yoga classes. Yes, I think it’s a good form of exercise. And, I totally want to look like Adam Levine.

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But for me, yoga is also exercising my mind and my spirit. There is an element in yoga where you find peace within through meditation. I try channeling this to my day-to-day life circumstances. I try to practice kindness and compassion to myself and others. After all the negative dating experiences, it’s easier to carry a pessimistic attitude. I am learning to find gratitude. I guess this is called soul searching.

I have been reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and this quote really resonated with me:

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I am constantly reminded of needing to finding a soul mate from seeing couples holding hands in the streets or friends telling me about their wonderful relationships and constant exposures from TVs, movies, and magazines showing images of those perfect couples. While I aspire to be in a relationship, I have learned to fully appreciate singlehood which helps me to be introspectful. It really helps me to place that mirror front of me to reflect every little wrinkles and imperfections, only to learn how to love myself unconditionally. When I am in a dark place, it is when people come into my life to help me find the light and grow.

Speaking of guys who practice buddhism, I have gone out with few of them. Read about Ron (St. Valentines vs. Buddha) and Scott (Size Queen 2). As for Mike, he moved out of town and we lost touch.