I want the WHOLE package, not just a package

Yesterday morning, I went to spin class and as soon I walked in to the locker room, I saw Baylor half naked and I tried my best to not do this:

giphy

I connected with Baylor about 3 years ago on Grindr. He is same age as me, white, sexy-bald head, short-stocky, physically fit type of a guy who can easily be mistaken for a bear. It started with a typical Grindr chat which included photo sharing. We also shared phone numbers and texted about sewing, which was a 180 turn from the chat we had on Grindr.

IMG_7062

Wait, did he just say his boyfriend?!? He just slipped in there between fabric shopping and gayness of sewing. This was surprising yet not, given my track record of being only attracted to unavailable men. Regardless, we continued to flirt.

After the spin class yesterday, he invited me over to his place and we hung out for a bit. He talked about sewing and knitting and I pretended to listen as I was visualizing “sewing and knitting” him with my hands and my tongue. But I kept telling myself that I don’t want to get involved with unavailable men.  Nothing happened and I went home. As soon as I got home, I received a text from him.

IMG_7064

I realized my hormones were highly activated after the spin class so I had to properly cool down from the intense work-out (and Baylor’s text messages). I clarified with Baylor about his relationship status which he and his boyfriend have an open relationship.

Even though sewing and kitting a cute boy once in a while can be fun, I want the whole outfit and the wardrobe. I am looking for the whole package of relationship which can include going to the gym together then having another sweaty work-out in bed afterwards.

Kissing a friend

Every year, a friend of mine throws Kentuck-gay Derby party, which is is just an excuse to dress up and drink Mint Juleps. It’s mostly white boys in khakis and pink polo shirts. One guy who was there is Conner who is a friend of a friend, whom I usually never hang out on my own. Conner is a white guy who is just about my age. He’s someone who is fairly a big guy with ginger’ish hair. I have known him for at least 7 years and I have never view him as someone I am attracted to.

During last year’s Kentuck-gay Derby party, I chatted with Conner a lot. After too many Mint Juleps, I kissed him as we were walking out of the party.

Continue reading

Happy second birthday, Jesus.

Several months ago, I met Robert at a party where I ran into Carl. Read about Carl here: when hook ups show up.

Robert is in his mid 30’s, tall, pale white, ginger’ish blond, blue eyes, who is geeky-sexy. Throughout the party, I kept staring at his nice butt and being 6 foot 5 he is, it felt like it was right in my face every time he turned around.

gay-man-rabbit-costume-dancing-01

He was incredibly kind and sweet. He was easy to talk to but I felt like I had to scream facing up at him because he was so freaking tall. Robert works in non-profit doing humanitarian work. He describes himself as an idealist who truly seems like an idealist.

After the party, he drove me home and all of my friends assumed that we hooked up, just because we left the party together.

Continue reading

Be cool. Don’t be an asshole.

Almost 3 years ago, I was chatting with Peter on Grindr. Peter is 10 years younger than me, cute, tall, slender, with a bright smile that is so much bigger probably because of his dark complexion. Peter is Indian so that makes him a gaysian too. He just moved in town to start his medical residency. We met for drinks near his medical school.

Throughout the entire time, he was constantly talking about himself and didn’t ask much about me. I didn’t get any feeling that he had interest in getting to know me. At times, people try to impress someone for the first time by only focusing in their positives. Like online dating websites. We only post the best pictures of ourselves and only talk about positive aspects and achievements. Perhaps Peter was doing everything to impress me but something felt like it was not genuine. I tolerated his self indulgence over 3 drinks and went home.

Few weeks later, I saw him on OkCupid so I messaged him

Continue reading

Namaste bitches

About 3 years ago, I met Mike for coffee after chatting with him on Grindr for few weeks. Mike is about 10 years older than me, white guy who just ended an almost 20 year relationship. They were practically married, living together with like 5 dogs, which they had to split custody of when they broke up. He rationalized that break-up created an opportunities to focus on his growth and was a pivotal moment in his life to have a fresh start. Instead of focusing on sadness from loss, he focused on compassion and kindness.

Mike values connection between spiritual body and physical body. (BTW, he is RIPPED from doing yoga daily.) I, myself, practice yoga frequently. For most people, yoga is physical fitness and even gyms now offer yoga classes. Yes, I think it’s a good form of exercise. And, I totally want to look like Adam Levine.

feat.4

But for me, yoga is also exercising my mind and my spirit. There is an element in yoga where you find peace within through meditation. I try channeling this to my day-to-day life circumstances. I try to practice kindness and compassion to myself and others. After all the negative dating experiences, it’s easier to carry a pessimistic attitude. I am learning to find gratitude. I guess this is called soul searching.

I have been reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and this quote really resonated with me:

6b19ae4c7dc9c09f395e95e8daafb4db

I am constantly reminded of needing to finding a soul mate from seeing couples holding hands in the streets or friends telling me about their wonderful relationships and constant exposures from TVs, movies, and magazines showing images of those perfect couples. While I aspire to be in a relationship, I have learned to fully appreciate singlehood which helps me to be introspectful. It really helps me to place that mirror front of me to reflect every little wrinkles and imperfections, only to learn how to love myself unconditionally. When I am in a dark place, it is when people come into my life to help me find the light and grow.

Speaking of guys who practice buddhism, I have gone out with few of them. Read about Ron (St. Valentines vs. Buddha) and Scott (Size Queen 2). As for Mike, he moved out of town and we lost touch. 

 

20’s vs 30’s

On 06.21.2015, I wrote about the special bond between Gaysians and white daddies. Click here to read “Happy daddy day” .

Also, there is an increasing amount of younger gays who are into gaysian daddies. Few months ago, this happened:

IMG_2838 copy

It was the first time anyone has referred me as a “daddy” figure.

More and more of my friends around my age group are dating much younger guys. I certainly have tried to date younger guys before. Read “Two different worlds” about Stan who is 8 years younger than me.

About 2 years ago, I chatted with Ricky on OkCupid. Ricky is 11 years younger than me still living with his parents while he attends college majoring hospitality. We agreed to meet for drinks but it was difficult to pin down a time because of his crazy class schedule.

First bar we attempted to go was jammed packed and there were no seats. So we found another bar down the street, but there was a private function. Finally, we walked around the corner to another bar and had few beers there. It was in autumn so we had pumpkin beers. We had great conversations about his school, and his part time job at a hotel, and his career goals. We also talked about his cat that is old and sick.

Ricky was definitely cute and attractive, but I kept questioning to myself can I possibly be in a relationship with someone who lives with his parents. Do I want become his “sugar daddy” figure?  What can he offer in return if I was the provider for him?

When I was in my 20’s, my priorities were getting drunk at a night club, dancing my ass off in my expensive designer jeans I couldn’t afford, making out with some random boy on the dance floor for a possible chance to get laid, then hoping it will turn into a long term relationship for the week until the following weekend. They say average human’s brain is fully developed at age 25 and I do think when I turned 25, I experienced a quarter-life-crisis. Suddenly, my priorities were more about how to build a successful career to make money for living and realized buying a pair of jeans that costs as much as a car payment seemed ridiculous. Read more about quarter life crisis.

With two pumpkin beers with sugar rim, Ricky and I attempted to find relatable connections but I think we both struggled. I didn’t call him for a follow up date. Few months later, I was sitting at a bar with few friends and Ricky was there, standing next to me to get a drink. I could tell he was uncomfortable when he recognized me so I made him more uncomfortable by saying “You can’t just ignore me.” We greeted each other superficially and he updated me about his cat that died recently. He was still living with his parents and still in college.

What does 30 years old minus 20 years old seem more than 10 years? I am due to turn 40 in several years and I am anxious to fin out what my life will be like in 40’s. I think I can qualify to be a “daddy” in my 40’s.

Click here to learn 30 things gay men need to know before turning 30.

2014-12-05-ScreenShot20141205at9.38.56AM-thumb