Fireworks by a fireman

About 4 years ago, I went on a vacation trip at a lake house with a bunch of friends for 4th of July weekend. There were 17 of us and pretty much all of us knew each other, except for one guy, Troy, who is a friend of a friend. So for most of us, it was the first time meeting Troy.

Troy is a white guy in his 30’s, who is a fireman.  For someone who has a sexualized profession, he had a pudgy body type and a baby face that portrays innocence more than sex.

So there we were, 17 gays plus lots of booze at a private lake. Of course Fourth of July is not complete without sparklers. Troy, of all people, decided to light them up inside the house. I thought firefighters were suppose to fight fire not start it. I quickly chased the dumb dumb outside to spark up the sparklers. 

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thankful

Last week, I wrote about Movember movement, a men’s health awareness month. Also read this blog Psychic vs. Psychologist, a story about a guy I date long time ago who died from cancer. 

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I have seen many people my age, including people I dated, develop health problems. That inspires me do my best to stay healthy. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week, I practice yoga, I get plenty of beauty sleep, I eat my vegetables, I try to decrease alcohol consumption, and see my doctor for yearly check-ups.

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Over the summer of this year, I met Alex on OkCupid. He is 44 years old, white, average build and appears to be cute based on his pictures. We exchanged messages and met for dinner. I usually like to talk on the phone before meeting in person, but I decided to skip that stage with Alex. All of his pictures in the profile, he was wearing sun glasses. Which is why I was bit surprised when I saw droop on one side of his face.

He explained that he had a stroke about 7 years ago, which would have been around my age. He suffered paralysis on entire one side of his body and has recovered significantly over time. He now is able to walk and talk. However, he still has some weakness on his hands and some memory problems. He is on disability and after living with his parents for some time, he is now living on his own. When we were about to order drinks, he was trying to order his favorite beer, but he could not remember the name of his beer.

During the entire meal, I was so sad about his whole situation. It was also difficult to find any common interest with Alex and I could not enjoy my time with him. I paid the entire bill of the dinner date with Alex, just to get rid of my guilt.

When I got home, I didn’t know what to do or how to feel about the date. I knew that it would be incredibly challenging for me to develop a new relationship with someone that has a disability. How would someone like me who has never been in a relationship have a boyfriend who has a disability? What would I do if I my long term boyfriend all the sudden develops an illness or a disability.

Despite all the terrible dates I had for the past 20 years, I was at least thankful for what I do have in my life, instead of complaining about not being in a relationship.

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Just say no 2

I met Marcus from okcupid almost 5 years ago. He is about same age as me, Jewish (who converted to Buddhism), super tall (like 6’5”) and has cute cheeks that you just want to pinch them. Judging by his pictures in his profile, he always seemed happy and free. Maybe that’s what Buddhism does to you.

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For our first date, we met for brunch. I arrived early so I got myself a Bloody Mary while I was waiting. When he arrived, I was even more impressed with his height and his smile. I offered him Bloody Mary and he immediately disclosed that he does not drink alcohol at all. He suffered from mood disorder and listed all the medications he’s been on. But he does not take any medications and does not drink alcohol from his belief in power of natural healing. He developed a major passion for meditation and vegan diet. He is also a big juicer! So there I was sipping on my tomato juice with celery and vodka.

I wrote about gays and unhealthy habits on two blogs: “sex, drugs rock & roll vs. peace, love & harmony” on 04.12.2015. and “Just Say No” on 05.17.2015 

It was refreshing to meet someone who actually practiced “just say no.” But it did make me feel a little guilty. Not that I HAVE to drink alcohol to have fun, it is a big part of my social life and I admit, there are times, I indulged too much while partying.

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Marcus and I dated for few months, but I think we both realized we were not compatible. We kept in touch for a bit and he challenged me to not drink for month. I made a decision to do this. I chose month of February because it’s the shortest month of year and usually it’s too cold to go out. Not only I went without drinking the entire month, it lasted until early April when I had a glass of wine for my birthday on the night Thomas made donuts. Read more about Thomas on these blogs: “don’t be jealous of boogie” and “not an amazing race.”  

Honestly, sobriety for two months did make a difference in many ways. I felt physically lighter and I had more energy to stay active all day. I think this really shifted how I think and feel. And I was pretty drunk after only half glass of wine. The year after that, I decided to try not eating meat and became a vegetarian permanently.

Marcus now has a boyfriend and seems to be even happier. One day, he sent me a card and said he has much gratitude for meeting me and being part of his life. For someone who has mood disorder, he is probably the happiest person I know. Could being too happy a disorder?

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Trick and Treat

Hope everyone had a great time tricking and treating. As you know gays LOVE to dress up, mostly in drags or something slutty. 

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But I was neither last night. I was Kim Jung Il.5064640a7407cfd9733b1d3b2710e69e_600x400

I also thought about my past Halloween costumes. Probably about 15 years ago, I dressed up as the Cat in the Hat and went to a gay club called Chrome.

dr-seuss-memory-quoteI went with my friend, Victor, who is a close friend from college and we were roommates for several years. Victor is short and stocky, which made him appealing to many many  gays. Every time we went out, guys will be all over him. I think this really damaged my confidence when we went out together. Until, I met Gary, the cowboy, at Chrome. Victor and I were dancing on the dance floor and a cute boy in a cowboy costume danced around us. Victor was trying to dance with him so I turned away to roll my eyes in disgust. Then, the most unexpected by both Victor and me happened. The cowboy pulled on my cat tail and winked at me. I got close to him, grabbed his cowboy hat and exchanged with my hat of cat in the hat. I was a Cat in the cowboy’s hat and he was just a cute boy in a crazy looking hat. And Victor, for the first time was left out. But don’t worry, he had plenty of tricking and treating that night.

Gary is white, same age as me, little bit shorter with a petite figure. Gary’s cute southern accent made the cowboy look more sexy than he already was. Along with exchange of hats, we also exchanged kiss.

When the night was over, Victor and I decided to have some people over at our place for an after party. I invited Gary over also. I think meeting Gary was a confidence booster for me because I was pretty much flirting with everyone. At one point in the night, I was in shower with two boys. This was all happening while Gary was sleeping in my room.

Next morning, Gary woke up early and he was hangry. I assumed he might have known about the group shower and perhaps he felt the same way I usually do when guys flirt with Victor. Apparently, he has diabetes and he gets cranky when he is hungry. We went out on many dates for few months and his mood swings became very dramatic at times. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or  just being a bitchey-queen to be funny. I think this became an issue for me to develop feelings for him. Despite this, I think meeting him itself was important for me. I was in my early 20’s at the time and constantly searching for myself. Gary (and Dr. Seuss) helped me to learn this:

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If I ever lose my faith

About 3 years ago, I met Antonio on okcupid. He is from Brazil and was living in America for a year as part of his graduate school program. He is same age as me, tall, dark hair with beautiful green eyes. He also has sexy luscious lips that can dangerously melt you in pieces. We went out on several dates and each time, I found him sweet, romantic, and always treated me incredibly well.

I stayed over at his place several times, and I always felt so safe and secure around him. We would just cuddle, kiss, and talk all night and all morning. When he makes his bed in the morning, he would put his pajamas neatly folded under the pillow. I thought this was so cute.

I also admired his spirituality. Without being a total bible geek, he went to Catholic church every Sundays. Even though I was raised Catholic (was an alter boy when I was young), I don’t find going to church an important aspect of religious practice. Yes, it’s a sacred ground for people to worship higher power(s) as a community but I think what you do when you leave the church premise is more important. I value more on how I cultivate my belief system in my daily life. People often do not practice what they preach and I’m like “that’s NOT what Jesus would do!” I also think anti-gay Christian groups impacted my ability to keep my faith.

Antonio wore this necklace on him all the time:

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It says “livrai-nos do mal” which is “deliver us from evil” in Portuguese. This resonated with me and I think Antonio truly lived this mantra and served as a positive influence. I am usually pessimistic from losing faith and constantly criticizing myself and others. Instead, he taught me how to be kind to myself and others. He delivered me from evil of negativity.

Unfortunately, he moved to San Francisco as next part of his graduate program, which resulted in a separation between us. We lost touch but his kindness touched me forever. I do my best to make my bed every morning and put away my sleepwear folded neatly. I also have to keep faith in the world full of negativity, just like a prayer. 

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Come out and play

Today is National Coming Out Day. I have been out of closet since high school. First people I told was my family’s man-maids when I was in high school. See my first blog, It DOES get better about that story. Then I came out to my high school best friend. Shortly after that, he came out to me as well. See Bros befo’ hoes about that story.

Although I had a realization about my sexuality when I was a teenager, I still struggled to fully accept for some time as a young adult. Now, 20 years since admitting to myself that I am gay, I am happy to be a part of queer culture. And so many historical events occurred for gay community for the past 20 years. People are more accepting in general. But homophobia still lingers. Just ask Kim Davis.

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This makes some people to still stay in closet. About a year ago, I met David on Tinder, which is probably a safe way for closeted guys to meet other guys. David who is in his early 40’s, who was once married, was just coming out of closet.  We chatted for several weeks and I asked him out for a lunch date. He is white, few inches shorter than me, bald, with an average build. He worked in a major financial firm and met me during his lunch break in his sexy business suit. He had a great smile and I was easily attracted to him.

For second date, we went to dinner and he invited me over to his beautiful loft after dinner. After a glass of wine, we started to make out on this couch then went up on the loft bed. It overlooked the city and the night sky was so sexy. 

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David paused at one point and told me I was the first guy being intimate with. I was somewhat uncomfortable with this. It felt like a big pressure for me to be the first person he was going to lose his gay sex virginity to. We stopped and just cuddled to look out the window. But I was willing to take the relationship slow to see where it goes.

The following week, he was going to travel of out of country for few weeks, so I waited until he came back to call him. But David never called me back.

I felt rejected but I realized David and I are in very different places in life. He wasn’t comfortable with being in a gay scene. For me, surrounding myself with gays is not only comfortable but important. If David and I were together, he would have not been comfortable to go to gay bars or hang out with my gay friends.

Also, read Keep it in the closet about Zach, a married guy I used to hook up with. National-Coming-Out-Day-1024x273

sticky situations

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I can honestly say I never had sex with an Asian guy. That does not mean I am a total potato queen and exclusively date white guys. I have gone out on dates with essentially all races and many different ethnic backgrounds…. Brazilian, British, Columbian, Egyptian, French, Indian, Iranian, and Irish. Here are some of Asian guys I met.

I met Ted about 10 years ago through mutual friends. He is Thai, young, and petite. He asked me out on a date so we went to P.F. Chang, which is hardly authentic but food is so fucking good. But our date wasn’t. He was boring to talk to and he seemed very nervous. Date got worse when he sneezed and chunk of green snot sprayed of out of his nose and directly landed on his moo goo gai pan. I felt so embarrassed for him but I am sure he was more uncomfortable than I was. I never heard from him after that.

I met Vincent at the same bar I met Wes (see Living on the edge from 04.26.2015). I noticed this Asian guy kept following me everywhere, dance floor, patio, and bathroom. He finally came up to be at the bar and talked to me. He is Vietnamese, who was visiting from San Francisco. He was very attractive and I made out with him. He gave me his phone number but he must have been drunk because there were too many digits to his phone number he wrote down.

I met Nate last year. He is in his mid 20’s, Pacific Islander decent who grew up in New Zealand. He recently moved from New Zealand to start medical school. We went to a coffee shop and spent the entire time talking about his great life. It seemed so exaggerated and I didn’t feel he was genuine at all. His cockiness turned me off a bit. I also felt our 10 year difference in age made it difficult to relate.

I met Brian few months ago after chatting for few days on Grindr. He is about 5 years older than me. He was born and raised in Burma, but lived in Spain for most of his adult life, so to relive his second home country, we went to tapas restaurant. We had a great conversation about the world but I could not find any sexual attraction. He was traveling out of country the week after and I never heard from him.

We all have a very specific taste of who we are sexually attracted to. Some people are into tall guys, some people are into big burly bears, some people are into twinks, some people are into trans. Similar to sexual orientation itself, I think it is just in our nature to gravitate towards a certain physical attributes. Even though I find close connections with many gaysians, I have not yet found one I want to fuck.

Earlier this week, I was hanging out with a gaysian friend, Ben, at a gay bar. A random white guy next to us said to Ben “you’re cute for an Asian guy.” Ben was extremely offended and called him a racist. I was offended because the guy pretty much ignored me. 

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Definition of a racist is a person who believes that a particular race is superior to another. It usually stems from a profound hatred or intolerance of different racial groups based on their belief system. I don’t think this guy next to us is necessarily a racist. He has a particular taste and Asian chicken salad was not his favorite meal. But does that make him a racist? What if I, as an Asian person, said “he’s cute for an Asian guy.” Would that make me a racist too?

The guy, however, is simply an idiot with a poor manner. He is generalizing that all Asian guys are not cute and there are only exceptions. There are cute guys and not so cute guys in all races. There are definitely AILF’s (Asian I Like to Fuck) out there. Click here for 21 Gorgeous Asian Men Guaranteed to Make You Thirsty.

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