Just say no 2

I met Marcus from okcupid almost 5 years ago. He is about same age as me, Jewish (who converted to Buddhism), super tall (like 6’5”) and has cute cheeks that you just want to pinch them. Judging by his pictures in his profile, he always seemed happy and free. Maybe that’s what Buddhism does to you.


For our first date, we met for brunch. I arrived early so I got myself a Bloody Mary while I was waiting. When he arrived, I was even more impressed with his height and his smile. I offered him Bloody Mary and he immediately disclosed that he does not drink alcohol at all. He suffered from mood disorder and listed all the medications he’s been on. But he does not take any medications and does not drink alcohol from his belief in power of natural healing. He developed a major passion for meditation and vegan diet. He is also a big juicer! So there I was sipping on my tomato juice with celery and vodka.

I wrote about gays and unhealthy habits on two blogs: “sex, drugs rock & roll vs. peace, love & harmony” on 04.12.2015. and “Just Say No” on 05.17.2015 

It was refreshing to meet someone who actually practiced “just say no.” But it did make me feel a little guilty. Not that I HAVE to drink alcohol to have fun, it is a big part of my social life and I admit, there are times, I indulged too much while partying.


Marcus and I dated for few months, but I think we both realized we were not compatible. We kept in touch for a bit and he challenged me to not drink for month. I made a decision to do this. I chose month of February because it’s the shortest month of year and usually it’s too cold to go out. Not only I went without drinking the entire month, it lasted until early April when I had a glass of wine for my birthday on the night Thomas made donuts. Read more about Thomas on these blogs: “don’t be jealous of boogie” and “not an amazing race.”  

Honestly, sobriety for two months did make a difference in many ways. I felt physically lighter and I had more energy to stay active all day. I think this really shifted how I think and feel. And I was pretty drunk after only half glass of wine. The year after that, I decided to try not eating meat and became a vegetarian permanently.

Marcus now has a boyfriend and seems to be even happier. One day, he sent me a card and said he has much gratitude for meeting me and being part of his life. For someone who has mood disorder, he is probably the happiest person I know. Could being too happy a disorder?


Love + Adventure = Happiness

I am currently reading a book called “Into the Wild” by Jon Krakauer and this paragraph in the book intothewildmade me pause and ponder.

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

IMG_1771This reminded me of Jeremy whom I met about 10 years ago. He was in his 30’s and worked in the military service. He was slightly shorter than me, but fairly built, that “all-American” type with piercing blue eyes that puts a spell on you.


Although I have a “no sex on first date” policy, I was so turned on by his military trained rock hard physique so I violated this policy. Sex was so loud that I heard our neighbors giggling during. I usually get very vulnerable staying naked after cumming and post-sex chitchats are always awkward. But, his eyes, again, distracted me and we cuddled, as he told me about this three important passions in life: friendship, adventure, and love. He has traveled to many different countries and lived in some places while he was stationed. He spoke in conviction (with his blue eyes) about friendships and how he stayed loyal to many people he has met worldwide.


As an introvert, it is extremely challenging for me to talk to people. During the entire plane ride, I mostly keep to myself sitting next to a passenger I don’t know. When I am out at bars, I tend to mingle with my friends rather than trying to meet new people. But, if someone does approach me, people find me very easy to talk to.

Jeremy’s definition of happiness was the most simplistic view yet the most important core principles to live by daily. He inspired me to be more adventurous and dip my toes in the extroverted world. For the past 10 years, I visited at least one new city every year and during the travel, I did at least one new adventurous activity like parasailing, snorkling, water-skiing, skydiving, and zip-lining. I always return home from these trips feeling more confident and enlightened. 


Jeremy eventually moved to California and we occasionally have phone sex. We also exchange Christmas cards every year.