Gayly matrimony

It’s been a year since gay marriage became legal in US and many gays got married since. What always confuses me is those who are in open marriages. Read about married guys I hooked up with here: Divorce Equality too

Few months after the US Supreme Court legalized gay marriage, I received a friend request from, Kevin, a cute guy on Facebook, who had many mutual friends. While it is not my usual way to meet guys, we exchanged phone numbers and flirted with each other for weeks. 
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Then this happened as he recommended a Chinese restaurant he’s been to:

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I was so confused of what his intent was when he first reached out to me. I stopped communicating with him after realizing there is no possibility of building any significant relationship with him other than having mutual friends on Facebook.

It also made me question what I would want in a married relationship. I think if people were flirting with my husband, in someways, it will be a compliment ‘yep, my husband is so cute, everyone wants him and I have him.’ What if my husband was flirting back? Would that make me jealous? What if I was flirting with other guys?

 For me, flirting is acceptable behavior in marriage and I will probably view it harmless socialization with people who are appealing to talk to. But, if the intent to flirt is more than a simple person-to-person interaction, I think I’d be hurt. I don’t know if Kevin’s husband knows about these text messages but if I was his husband, I don’t think I’d appreciate it. I believe marriage should not happen until I am assured that my partner and I are able to have complete trust in each other. I guess I am vey traditional in some sense.

I also thought about what kind of wedding I would want. I have been to many many weddings and many of the couples spend thousands of dollars and months to plan. But what is too much? Especially when half of marriages end in divorce and people remarry. Also, they invite many guests including some distant relatives they barely know. Yes, there is something special about announcing that I want to commit to someone to people around me. But I prefer to have more intimate wedding with my closest friends who have served significant importance in my life.

Am I a good husband material?


American Dream

Few weekends ago I saw Into the Woods and in the movie, Cinderella character said to the prince “My father’s house was a nightmare. Your house was a dream. Now I want something in between.” This resonated with me, particularly with my dating experience. I certainly had many terrible dates but I also had many that were too good to be true.

I met Mark through a coworker and we sparked a connection very rapidly when we learned that we lived in the same neighborhood. My very first impression of Mark was “wow, how dreamy!” Mark was in his early 40’s, blond hair, blue eyes, tall, muscular, with a beautiful smile and fierce shoes, who works in marketing and into playing sports.

He invited me over to his place one night, which is probably about 5 times bigger than my place. His kitchen alone was size of my entire apartment. We sat outside in his beautiful outdoor patio where we drank wine while we talked over Coldplay playing on the outdoor speakers. It was a particularly breezy summer night and I was feeling HOT!

Well.. one thing lead to another and I was kissing my prince charming. He walked me over to the bedroom and I was thinking to myself ‘how is this possible?’ The fantasy I always had came true that night or his marketing strategy really worked. I was completely sold.


We had sex all night and in the morning, we had one more session in his sexy shower that had 2 shower heads. His entire bathroom products were from Kiehl’s and his bath towels felt like they were just off the shelf from the department store with fresh scent. He made coffee for me in the middle of his beautiful marble counter top kitchen under the dimmed lighting, while light jazz music playing on the surround sound system.

Ok, it just went on and on and it was just waaaaay over the top. It all felt like an illusion and I remember walking out of his place thinking ‘this is just too good to be true and he will never call me.’ The entire walk home, I compared our lives and was preoccupied by the fact that lifestyles were extreme opposites and even different class levels. But, if Cinderella, a peasant, and royal prince, can fall in love maybe I can. Then quickly I realized I didn’t have glass slippers and I am not a peasant. I do agree with Into the Woods’ Cinderella that it would be ideal to have a guy who is somewhere between the “Beauty and the Beast.”  (BTW, I will blog about the “Beast” next week.)

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Today is Dr. Martin Luther King’s day. During his unforgettable speech, he said: “So even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.” Although MLK’s dream isn’t about prince charming, an American dream is all about falling in love, with one another, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, religion, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, and what kind of bathroom products you use. I have an American dream that I will fall in love that the guy who loves me back unconditionally (or without Kiehl’s hair conditioner). And yes, Mark never called me back.