13 Reasons Why I wrote this blog.


1. I just got home from Arizona trip where I took tours around Grand Canyon to soak in the breathtaking views. While the tour guide educated us that Grand Canyon was created over 100 million years ago, he also mentioned many people fall off every year. Some of it which is from suicide. Alright, I realize this topic is incredibly uncomfortable, which was how I felt when the tour guide said it, but it is still important to talk about.

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Come out and play

Today is National Coming Out Day. I have been out of closet since high school. First people I told was my family’s man-maids when I was in high school. See my first blog, It DOES get better about that story. Then I came out to my high school best friend. Shortly after that, he came out to me as well. See Bros befo’ hoes about that story.

Although I had a realization about my sexuality when I was a teenager, I still struggled to fully accept for some time as a young adult. Now, 20 years since admitting to myself that I am gay, I am happy to be a part of queer culture. And so many historical events occurred for gay community for the past 20 years. People are more accepting in general. But homophobia still lingers. Just ask Kim Davis.


This makes some people to still stay in closet. About a year ago, I met David on Tinder, which is probably a safe way for closeted guys to meet other guys. David who is in his early 40’s, who was once married, was just coming out of closet.  We chatted for several weeks and I asked him out for a lunch date. He is white, few inches shorter than me, bald, with an average build. He worked in a major financial firm and met me during his lunch break in his sexy business suit. He had a great smile and I was easily attracted to him.

For second date, we went to dinner and he invited me over to his beautiful loft after dinner. After a glass of wine, we started to make out on this couch then went up on the loft bed. It overlooked the city and the night sky was so sexy. 


David paused at one point and told me I was the first guy being intimate with. I was somewhat uncomfortable with this. It felt like a big pressure for me to be the first person he was going to lose his gay sex virginity to. We stopped and just cuddled to look out the window. But I was willing to take the relationship slow to see where it goes.

The following week, he was going to travel of out of country for few weeks, so I waited until he came back to call him. But David never called me back.

I felt rejected but I realized David and I are in very different places in life. He wasn’t comfortable with being in a gay scene. For me, surrounding myself with gays is not only comfortable but important. If David and I were together, he would have not been comfortable to go to gay bars or hang out with my gay friends.

Also, read Keep it in the closet about Zach, a married guy I used to hook up with. National-Coming-Out-Day-1024x273