I want kink, not stink.

*Fair warning: if you’re having a meal right now, do not read this.*

Lately, there is a bunch of guys I flirt with via text messages yet and no one seems to show interest in spending face to face time. We all live in a go go speed and many feel relationships are too inconvenient to their personal agenda. Everyone is still recovering from pain and hurt from some degree of broken hearts and avoid  getting closer to people to prevent being wounded again. We become more isolated which leads to loneliness. And people make less than ideal choices to cure boredom from loneliness. You might have guessed that I was describing myself mostly.

About a year ago, I woke up early in the morning alone and bored (aka horny) and to cure boredom (and horniness), I got on Grindr to browse. I quickly received a message from “Jack” (we never exchanged names) who appeared good looking in the picture. It’s one of those “get to the point” message:

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I accepted his offer to host. He probably is into anonymous style because he was waiting for me naked in his bedroom, which is out of my comfort zone. He got right “down” to business and I tried to enjoy it. But I was so distracted by an awful odor, almost like he had sex all night smell. It was combination of sweat, lube, and poop. Not sexy at all.

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For someone who takes personal hygiene very seriously, it required a lot of efforts to finish quickly and get the fuck out of there. I pretty much ran home to take a 30 minute shower and scrubbed off my regret with loofah. I should have just played candy crush to cure my boredom. 

Ok, I really think NSA is a terrible experience. Here are few other stories about NSA sex: Should have been saved by the bell, Need to make a deposit, and Strings Attracted.

Strings Attracted

As a single gay man, similar to pretty much anyone who has hit puberty, I have sexual appetite and I get hungry sometimes. To fulfill my appetite, I go on Grindr to browse where you will find a variety of menu options to choose from, weather I go the place for a sit-down meal or order home delivery. It is very efficient to reach satisfaction, but you never know what you will get. I had some really good ones and I had some really terrible ones.

When it comes to one night stands, I think out-of-town visitors are perfect for NSA activities. NSA, which stands of no strings attached, is purely a simple sexual encounter with no further interactions required.

About 3 years ago, I was very hungry one night so I logged on Grindr. I chatted with a guy who was visiting from UK. He is white, 5 years older than me, and the photo of his profile (torso only) displayed his nice chest and abs. After a brief explanation of our tastes, he sent me his face photo and he was definitely cute. He is little bit taller than me with brown hair and brown eyes. He had cute dimples and I always found dimples sexy.

We agreed to meet and I went over to his hotel. Likely from fear of unknown, my anxiety level elevated as I was going up the hotel elevator.

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When he opened the door, he said my name (in British accent) and I was shocked how he knew my name since I didn’t tell him. With a brief clarification, I learned that we have same names. After getting over the awkward introduction, we quickly took off each other’s clothes. Comparison to feeling so anxious in the elevator, I was all relaxed in his bed. To be honest, I can’t remember much about sex with him. Don’t get me wrong, it was good and I had a great time. But what I remembered the most is getting to know him personally.

He is from a coastal town just south of London, UK and was in town for a work conference. He works in cancer research. He seemed sweet and kind. When I meet guys I like, I can’t help to go into all the “what if’s” scene in my head. On my way home, I had envisions of me living in London, being a lover of a famous doctor. He returned to UK few days later.

Can NSA really be completely detached? For me, I need some level of connection to feel sexual pleasure with someone. Yes, anonymous encounters provide complete privacy, but complete blind-fold does not excite me at all. Sexual chemistry should have some strings that may at least be attracted, if not attached.

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Even though my intent was NSA with the British doctor, we ended up becoming Facebook friends. We have been messaging each other once a while since, usually on holidays and birthdays.

Also read more about NSA on Aries gay man’s blog: On String and Attachment: No Strings Attached