Love chemistry

One night about 7 months ago, I was swiping impulsively on Tinder, hoping to hear a “brrrring” sound when a match happens.

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After about 20 swipes, I matched with Landon. He is 30 years old, white guy who is a chemistry professor. Read about Aaron on Sexual Chemistry another chemistry professor I went out with long time ago.

Landon and I went to dinner one night and when I saw him in person, I noticed he is so much shorter than I had imagined. We went to a tapas restaurant and had the usual first date dialogue. Where are you from? how many siblings do you have? Where did you go to school? Where have you traveled to? We conversed in ways that seemed rehearsed as we were on a job interview. Typically if I like someone I have many questions about them, but I found myself not paying attention to him. Unless first date was absolutely horrible, I usually give everyone a second date to get to know them better.

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You better work!

About 3 years ago, Floyd and I had clicked like on each other on OkCupid. Floyd is a 40 year old white guy who is a music teacher and a singer. We exchanged several messages and even made plans to go out for drinks during a week night. It was difficult to pin down during the weekend due to his busy work schedule performing.

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I was on my way to the bar we had planned to meet, but he texted me to cancel. He apologized but didn’t offer another day to meet. I also got busy with work and everything else, I totally forgot about him.

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Oh, gay cupid

I can confidently say I am not the only one who hates Valentine’s day. In my opinion, there is unrealistic pressure for a couple to show their love towards his/her partner by going out to the most expensive restaurant, buying chocolates, flowers and cards. It’s just too commercialized. I believe the best way to say I love you is through oral communication.. literally using words. See previous blogs about Valentine’s day: Fuck Valentine’s Day and St. Valentine vs. Buddha

About 5 years ago, I signed up for okcupid. As you might have read some of the dating stories, I had some good ones and some not so good ones. One of them was Frankie, whom I connected with around Valentine’s Day 2 years ago. Frankie is in his early 30’s, white, about my height with an attractive physique. He works in finance and had a charismatic confidence without arrogance. With the Valentine’s day crowd, it was impossible to go out to dinner. So we had coffee. We talked about his apple watch and all of his travels. Though he had very little questions about me, I felt good about our date and was feeling really reassured when text messages / sexting continued after the coffee date. I thought “finally, a cupid shot an arrow in me!”

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I felt even more reassured when we became Facebook friends. Then, I noticed many mutual friends, including Sam. Read about Sam here: mom > BF.  Turns out Frankie and Sam dated long time ago. It’s always awkward to have these close associations. Gay community is just a big web of incestuous relationships.

Frankie and I kept in touch but did not remeet for another year, again coffee date around Valentines day. While we were sipping on our cafe lattes, he whispered that he wasn’t wearing underwear at the time. He also wanted to show me his cock ring. It went from apple watch and travel to Europe to this? Suddenly, I had a funny vision in my head, me kneeling down front of Frankie, proposing on Valentines day, but with a cock ring. In reality, I think he was proposing to hook up in the bathroom and I had a very different expectations because we met on okcupid, not Grindr.

So after 5 years and no fucking cupid’s arrow anywhere, I made a decision to kill the fucking cupid! I deleted Tinder few weeks ago, I deleted Grindr last week, and now okcupid.. deleted!

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For the rest of the year, I am going to try something different by not relying on these cyberspace socialization. Although, sexting with Frankie will continue on. Perhaps I will hook up with him on Valentine’s day this year. 

Rice… to stick or not

It’s Asian American Heritage month and I must say I am pretty proud to be a gaysian. About 4 years ago, I received a message from Vaughn on OkCupid. He’s another gaysian, same age as me, living in same neighborhood, working in same industry, and have same interest as mine. 

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After exchanging some messages with few weeks of interval, it sort of fizzled out and we never connected. That is until I was at a housewarming party of my friends’, Harry and his husband (a white guy and a gaysian). I mentioned about Harry in I am not into Asians. 

So Vaughn was at the party and I immediately recognized him. But given my past experiencing of people not recognizing me, I didn’t pay attention to him. Well, Vaughn definitely recognized me and said hi to me – “hey, we kinda met before.” Also, he introduced me to his boyfriend (a white guy).  I guess that explains why he stopped messaging me on OkCupid. We had good chit chats and it was nice to get to know him in person.

So strange how this works, but after that party, I ran into Vaughn EVERYWHERE I went. One day, I was walking around the city and was thinking about calling him to see if he wanted to hang out that weekend. My thoughts became reality instantly when he and his boyfriend were literally coming towards me on the street. We talked for a bit and turns out Vaughn and Scott (read about Scott here: divorce equality too) are now roommates. We were all invited to a party hosted by Scott’s ex, where I also met Robert (read about Robert here: second happy birthday Jesus).

So there I was at the party in presence of Scott, Vaughn, Robert and Carl (read about Carl here when hook ups show up) hosted by Scott’s ex.   Vaughn’s boyfriend didn’t come though. At one point, Vaughn, Scott, and I were on the couch, somewhat intoxicated, and became physically flirtatious. It was awkwardly fun but I made every effort to stop messing around with non-single or non-available boys. Besides, I had my eye on Robert at the party.

Few weeks later, Vaughn, Scott and I went out to dinner. It was really a good opportunity to bond with Vaughn. We actually came clean about the OkCupid messages and how we both regret that neither of us pursued further. He kept saying that I am a “catch” and is surprised that I am single.

When it comes to dating, timing is everything. I can’t help to wonder if Vaughn and I actually went out on a date, what it would be like now.

I hang out with Vaughn and his boyfriend sometime and they are actually fun to hang out with. 

Be cool. Don’t be an asshole.

Almost 3 years ago, I was chatting with Peter on Grindr. Peter is 10 years younger than me, cute, tall, slender, with a bright smile that is so much bigger probably because of his dark complexion. Peter is Indian so that makes him a gaysian too. He just moved in town to start his medical residency. We met for drinks near his medical school.

Throughout the entire time, he was constantly talking about himself and didn’t ask much about me. I didn’t get any feeling that he had interest in getting to know me. At times, people try to impress someone for the first time by only focusing in their positives. Like online dating websites. We only post the best pictures of ourselves and only talk about positive aspects and achievements. Perhaps Peter was doing everything to impress me but something felt like it was not genuine. I tolerated his self indulgence over 3 drinks and went home.

Few weeks later, I saw him on OkCupid so I messaged him

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