Sorry, I am not into Asians

I was on Grindr last night and saw this:


I live in a relatively big metropolitan city with diversity so big, I think sometimes white people may feel like they are the minorities. I have only heard about these Grindr profiles so to see it bluntly out there was bit surprising for me. Many of my gaysian friends get so mad when they see it. Some call it sexual racist. Click here: Sticky Situations to read the story I wrote about sexual racism.

While there are people who are not into Asians, there are many guys who are ONLY into Asians, as you know, we call them rice queens. One of my rice queen friends, Harry, who is a white guy married to a gaysian guy explained his point of view. Harry has dated all races and he is attracted to Asians the most not because of physical attributes, but for the calm manners and submissive demeanor. So what about an Asian who is very loud and has a dominant personality?


From my own dating experience, what I have found is that most rice queens want an authentic Asians, FOTB (fresh off the boat) type. These rice queens usually wear buddhist bead necklaces, eat dim sum every Sundays, only drink Chinese herbal tea, travel to Thailand or Vietnam every summer, or practice some sort of martial art.

Many years ago, I hooked up with Adam, who is in his late 40’s, an Asian antique collector. TOTAL rice queen. When I went to his apartment, it was full of tacky Asian furniture, pottery, and decorations. It reminded me of Chris. (Read about Chris here: Stranger Danger). 

He also lived with a roommate who is an Asian and a chef. I think only reason Adam lived with him was to have Asian meals every day. Sex with Adam was mediocre. I think I was mostly distracted by the big Asian gangster tattoo on his back. It was like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.


I am not a controlling dominant personality, but I don’t view myself as someone with a meek character. Perhaps, I don’t like the white guys who are ONLY into Asians. I am racist rice queens. I am definitely more attracted to people in general who are genuinely open to all. Maybe I should change my Grindr profile to say, “sorry I am not into rice queens.” 

sticky situations


I can honestly say I never had sex with an Asian guy. That does not mean I am a total potato queen and exclusively date white guys. I have gone out on dates with essentially all races and many different ethnic backgrounds…. Brazilian, British, Columbian, Egyptian, French, Indian, Iranian, and Irish. Here are some of Asian guys I met.

I met Ted about 10 years ago through mutual friends. He is Thai, young, and petite. He asked me out on a date so we went to P.F. Chang, which is hardly authentic but food is so fucking good. But our date wasn’t. He was boring to talk to and he seemed very nervous. Date got worse when he sneezed and chunk of green snot sprayed of out of his nose and directly landed on his moo goo gai pan. I felt so embarrassed for him but I am sure he was more uncomfortable than I was. I never heard from him after that.

I met Vincent at the same bar I met Wes (see Living on the edge from 04.26.2015). I noticed this Asian guy kept following me everywhere, dance floor, patio, and bathroom. He finally came up to be at the bar and talked to me. He is Vietnamese, who was visiting from San Francisco. He was very attractive and I made out with him. He gave me his phone number but he must have been drunk because there were too many digits to his phone number he wrote down.

I met Nate last year. He is in his mid 20’s, Pacific Islander decent who grew up in New Zealand. He recently moved from New Zealand to start medical school. We went to a coffee shop and spent the entire time talking about his great life. It seemed so exaggerated and I didn’t feel he was genuine at all. His cockiness turned me off a bit. I also felt our 10 year difference in age made it difficult to relate.

I met Brian few months ago after chatting for few days on Grindr. He is about 5 years older than me. He was born and raised in Burma, but lived in Spain for most of his adult life, so to relive his second home country, we went to tapas restaurant. We had a great conversation about the world but I could not find any sexual attraction. He was traveling out of country the week after and I never heard from him.

We all have a very specific taste of who we are sexually attracted to. Some people are into tall guys, some people are into big burly bears, some people are into twinks, some people are into trans. Similar to sexual orientation itself, I think it is just in our nature to gravitate towards a certain physical attributes. Even though I find close connections with many gaysians, I have not yet found one I want to fuck.

Earlier this week, I was hanging out with a gaysian friend, Ben, at a gay bar. A random white guy next to us said to Ben “you’re cute for an Asian guy.” Ben was extremely offended and called him a racist. I was offended because the guy pretty much ignored me. 


Definition of a racist is a person who believes that a particular race is superior to another. It usually stems from a profound hatred or intolerance of different racial groups based on their belief system. I don’t think this guy next to us is necessarily a racist. He has a particular taste and Asian chicken salad was not his favorite meal. But does that make him a racist? What if I, as an Asian person, said “he’s cute for an Asian guy.” Would that make me a racist too?

The guy, however, is simply an idiot with a poor manner. He is generalizing that all Asian guys are not cute and there are only exceptions. There are cute guys and not so cute guys in all races. There are definitely AILF’s (Asian I Like to Fuck) out there. Click here for 21 Gorgeous Asian Men Guaranteed to Make You Thirsty.


happy daddy day

About 3 years ago, I met Daniel. He is almost 15 years older than me, white, nice hairy chest, somewhat muscular, dark hair, and blue eyes. Despite our age difference, I felt sexually comfortable with him. When we had sex, he wore a jockstrap and I have to admit, it was soooo high school locker room fantasy.


Overall, he was “swipe right” in bed. While I was attracted to Daniel physically, it felt challenging to connect with him personally due to the age difference.

Last year, I was vacationing in NYC and I ran into Daniel randomly at a gay bar. We kept in touch and he invited to me a party he was hosting. I think almost 90% of the people at the party were Asians. And most younger than me. He definitely deserved the “rice queen” title. 


Relationship between a rice queen & a potato queen is an interesting phenomenon. I see so many young gaysians with older white daddies. I don’t know why this is so common. Perhaps it’s a twisted gay version of Freud’s Oedipus complex.

Sigmund Freud

At the party, the one guy I was most attracted to happens to be an older white daddy type…. literally, he was a father of three children.


After the party, a bunch of gaysians went out to dinner. I then noticed myself being attracted to them. Rather than sexual attraction, I found myself being connected with them in ways I cannot possibly connect with older white daddies. After all, I like rice more than potato. Except french fries. I really love french fries.


 Several months ago, I hooked up with Daniel again. He wore the jockstrap again. Maybe he wears it everyday.