quiero el romance

About 5 years ago, I was on match.com to find a perfect match. On these profiles, people only describe best qualities and post best photos of themselves. This often may not be 100% accurate to their true self which I end up finding out in person. But, it is the only way to make an impression to get noticed. I, of course, had a description of myself in the utmost positive ways and posted pictures I looked good in, which includes a photo of me skydiving.

I received a message from Santiago, a Mexican-American who was same age as me. His profile described himself as a fun, loving, studious, and spiritual guy. Other qualities include generosity, kindness, light heartedness and a healthy lifestyle. And he was looking to meet guys for friendships and potentially dating.


His message to me said: “I liked your profile. Neat skydiving pic! There is something about the idea of jumping out of an airplane that really appeals to me. I once went zip lining from top of a tall tree in Mexico and it was amazing. Anything that challenges my fear is appealing.”

When it comes to meeting someone online, I always meet for coffee or drinks for the first date. You don’t want to be stuck with a terrible date throughout the entire meal. Also, if coffee/cocktail date goes well, you have the option to go to a different place afterwards or have a follow up date. Also, for a second date, lunch or brunch is a safe option. It’s a shorter meal than dinner and can give you an easy escape option. Santiago and I met for coffee.


He was tall, wore a pair of nerdy-sheik glasses that were so sexy on him.  He had a pale skin tone, appearing more white than Mexican. His Spanish accent was stronger than my coffee, which I find muy caliente!

mucho caliente

We had a great conversation and I suggested ice cream after coffee. While we were walking around to enjoying our ice cream cone, a heavy down pour rain storm came suddenly. We had no umbrella so we ran, seeking shelter. And by the time we got into a building, we were both drenched and our ice creams were completely ruined. I found it somewhat romantic but he seemed very displease. He ended our date abruptly.

For someone who finds an appeal from challenging fear, a little bit of getting soaked from summer rain should not be a major issue. Maybe he was upset that he didn’t get to finish his ice cream.

I never heard back from him after that.

size queen

sizequeenIn queer culture, size matters. Gym bunny jocks have to be muscular, twinks have to be bony thin, and bear daddies have to be burly big. Penis size is also highly emphasized for gay sex. For me, it has not been a deal breaker until I met Sam, who has a baseball bat.

I met Sam while we were in college. He was one year older, white, average build and kinda cute. He was not a gym bunny, a twink, nor a bear daddy, just an average gay. We were in same major so we had a chance to hang out often. I think his silly sense of humor that made me LOL was most attractive to me. I called him silly queen for that reason.

One night he had few people over at his place. He was a total stoner so I decided to get high with him. His silliness made me go from LOL to LMAO ROTF to the point of tears. While he was showing his CD collections in his bedroom, we kissed. I was so high and our make out session seemed like it was forever. I passed out on his couch after eating a whole bag of cheese-puffs. cheeseballsThen in the morning I went into his bedroom and we spooned. He was very affectionate and passionate. Once he revealed himself, I was in shock. His penis was so big, I could not physiologically do anything with it other than a hand job. He said he always has to be a bottom because no one has been able to handle it. So I topped him.

Sam and I repeated our get stoned, eat cheese-puffs, and have sex routine several times until he got a boyfriend. Perhaps a boyfriend who was a power bottom.


So… yes, size does matter to me.

love for football

I fit in the gay stereotype of not caring about football other than the half-time show and jockstraps. Last time, I got excited on a Super Bowl day was when I met a hot guy for a date many years ago. Lee was in his late 30’s, little bit shorter than me, but has a good build. He is from Dublin and spoke intimately about his Irish culture. His accent was incredibly charming and I think hearts were floating out of my head during the entire dinner date. 

After dinner, he took me to his place and we had sex while rest of the country was watching football. He was a soccer player and had sexy strong legs. We certainly had our own football game in the bedroom and hotter than the Super Bowl


We never had a follow up date, which has been a typical experience for me after hooking up on a first date. I did see him few times at a bar and had superficial chit-chats.

It DOES get better

“Is it the toilet or do you smell like shit?”

Jon asked while he was cleaning the toilet with the toilet brush, Don was cleaning the shower with shower brush, and I was brushing my teeth with the electronic toothbrush. I probably still smelled of alcohol, cigarette smoke, and sweat from dancing all night at Flavor, the biggest gay club in town. I spat out the minty toothpaste in the sink, making an awful gagging sound. When I told them where I went the night before, Jon had a big grin on this face and I can also feel Don smiling in the bathtub, which meant they knew the flavor of Flavor.

Jon and Don were middle-aged men-maids who cleaned my family’s house every other Wednesdays at 9 am and they were the very first people I came out to. Jon and Don (yes their names rhyme) have been together since high school and their story is soooo “It gets better.” Mine is still getting better.

When I was high school, I met my first boyfriend, Ethan, from the LGBTQ youth group. About a handful of gay teens from different high schools met weekly at a gay coffee shop to create a supportive environment when we felt not supported in our home environment.

Ethan, a twink-ish white boy, was very clear about how he was attracted to me. – “I love your eyes. I love your skin. I love your face. I love your hair.”

“Do you love my personality too?” In order for me to develop some level of trust with him, I needed reassurance that he was interested in me as a person, and not just fascinated with my facial features.

We spent time together every weekend and even skipped classes during the week to see each other, often exploring our sexualities. He was definitely a good kisser and I had that good-funny stomach turns upside-down feeling every time we kissed. However, I began to notice more and more negative aspects of Ethan which I overlooked in the begining because I liked him and enjoyed the fact that someone showed interested in me.

One night, I had a party at my house when my parents were out of town. While my friends and I were smoking pot in the back yard, Ethan stood in the kitchen in the dark with lights off staring at us through the window. This bizarre and creepy behavior was hysterically funny to my stoned friends but it frightened me. I went inside and asked if he was ok.

“No, I am not ok. I want to go home, but if I was at home, I would be killing myself right now.”

He explained about growing up in an unstable family due to father’s alcoholism. All he wanted was to be with positive people who cared about him and me smoking pot felt the opposite of that. He was torn; he didn’t want to be with me and he didn’t want to go home.

Ethan and I did not have the same outcome as Jon and Don’s relationship, but we had similar childhoods of having alcoholic fathers. I wonder if Ethan felt any less isolated during the brief time we were together when we needed to explore our sexuality.  I never saw Ethan again, but few months after finishing high school, I heard from another LGBTQ youth group member that he was doing well.

After I came out of the closet to the people who clean closets, Jon gave me a big hug and told me how proud he was of me.

“Wear a condom!!” Don warned me by pointing the shower brush at me.

They were very much my father figures (no, no, no, not in a daddy-son way). And life did get little better knowing I had their support.