So, you may or may not have (certainly I did) noticed that my weekly blog has a gap for few past months. I had some priorities that required more attention like moving to a new apartment. Moving is probably one of my least favorite thing to do, next to going to the dentist, which I also did last week. Besides, I really was running out of materials to write. Oh well, shit happens.
I am a creature of habit so moving is really stressful to me. Not having a routine and not knowing where my things are causes a major anxiety and I am literally breaking out with pimples like a teenager.
But, new transitions also forces you start a new chapter. I decided to start a new dating app, called Coffee meets Bagel. It’s somewhere between match.com and Tinder, but I am still confused of how it really works. I did connect with one guy and decided to meet for dinner. Then he canceled. First date being canceled has been the same for last two guys I scheduled dinner dates with. He, however, rescheduled and we did finally meet for dinner.
About 3 years ago, I met Antonio on okcupid. He is from Brazil and was living in America for a year as part of his graduate school program. He is same age as me, tall, dark hair with beautiful green eyes. He also has sexy luscious lips that can dangerously melt you in pieces. We went out on several dates and each time, I found him sweet, romantic, and always treated me incredibly well.
I stayed over at his place several times, and I always felt so safe and secure around him. We would just cuddle, kiss, and talk all night and all morning. When he makes his bed in the morning, he would put his pajamas neatly folded under the pillow. I thought this was so cute.
I also admired his spirituality. Without being a total bible geek, he went to Catholic church every Sundays. Even though I was raised Catholic (was an alter boy when I was young), I don’t find going to church an important aspect of religious practice. Yes, it’s a sacred ground for people to worship higher power(s) as a community but I think what you do when you leave the church premise is more important. I value more on how I cultivate my belief system in my daily life. People often do not practice what they preach and I’m like “that’s NOT what Jesus would do!” I also think anti-gay Christian groups impacted my ability to keep my faith.
Antonio wore this necklace on him all the time:
It says “livrai-nos do mal” which is “deliver us from evil” in Portuguese. This resonated with me and I think Antonio truly lived this mantra and served as a positive influence. I am usually pessimistic from losing faith and constantly criticizing myself and others. Instead, he taught me how to be kind to myself and others. He delivered me from evil of negativity.
Unfortunately, he moved to San Francisco as next part of his graduate program, which resulted in a separation between us. We lost touch but his kindness touched me forever. I do my best to make my bed every morning and put away my sleepwear folded neatly. I also have to keep faith in the world full of negativity, just like a prayer.