He has risen!

It’s Easter Sunday. Religiously, it’s a day to remember Jesus, son of God, who sacrificely died and resurrected. The spirit of the holiday is about new rebirth and new beginning. Now days, most people are spending Easter holiday with family, going to church, dying eggs that Easter bunny hid in the bushes, eating bunny or egg shaped chocolates and of course those nasty peeps. For me, I will be having gayest brunch to celebrate Jesus’s second birthday as well as my upcoming big 40.


As I check off the next age group category, I reflected to the times I had my soul resurrected. I had the most interesting “re-awakened” experience after participating an ayahuasca ceremony in Peru last summer. Ayahuasca is a tea made from two different trees from amazon jungle and used to heal illnesses through connection with nature and spirit. To simply put, you fucking hallucinate. I’ve only heard about and seen it on Chelsea does… documentary series on Netflix.

Rather than feeling “high”, my only intent of ayahuasca was to have a spiritual journey. So I signed up through a ceremony service, which they have a staff person to walk you through the ceremony, help translate when communicating with the shaman, and to ensure my safety and comfort through the process. It was taken place a small house in a mountain village, surrounded by trees and nature. It was just me, the staff person and the shaman. The shaman blessed the tea and I tipped the cup like taking a shot of tequila. The taste wasn’t as bad as I expected. The shaman also drank the tea and started to chant songs calling for spirits. As I sat with eyes closed, waiting for the liquid dirt to settle in my body, I patiently waited for the unknown.

About 30 minutes later, suddenly, visions started to come. I saw many many animals that were turning from one shape to another. Tigers, snakes, monkeys, horses, cows, pigs, wolves, birds….it was so many I can’t even remember them all. They explained visions of animals are common way to start and is attributed to entering the universe to locate my soul’s path.

After speed walking through a zoo of animal visions, I suddenly became stuck to dark clouds which looked like the black smoke from the TV show, Lost.


I tried to escape from it, but I felt stuck. It was frightening and fear was so intense. Then, I became detached from the smoke when I saw colors of lights so bright that it felt like fireworks of joy. It was so beautiful, it made me cry. I knew these visions were just all hallucinations, but I felt it physically and energetically.

The side effect of this “medicine” is vomiting, which I did. Lots of it. But, it was the most gratifying experience and almost as if I purged all the negative energy out of me. Once I filled up the puke bucket for a minute, I then saw more fireworks of colorful glitter everywhere. Again, I had tears of joy.

After what it felt like several hours and I started to notice that the visions were becoming less and less vivid. By this point, I had a vision of myself as a warrior, armed and carrying a shield to protect myself. I repeated in my head, “I am a warrior” and sensed a new confidence within me. Then I also realized that I have a shield to protect myself, which can also isolate myself from positive things around me.

From years of negative experiences in my life, I have built a wall to protect myself from the negative aspects around me. This resulted for me to lose the sight of joy behind the wall. I have always believed that love is just an illusion because I couldn’t see it. Ayahuasca experience helped me to see beyond that wall, by opening my heart more. Also, with purging the negativity I have consumed throughout my life, I created more space for positive energy to enter.

They explained the meaning of word ayahuasca. “Aya” means death or spirit and “huasca” means rope. So it means rope of death. Perhaps, it helped me to think about life after death and most important thing in life is joy. I probably sound like I drank the cool-aid, but it’s just the ayahuasca tea. I just remember feeling blissful walking out of the small house in a mountain village, having an appreciation of all life forms. 


As I approach this new month, new season and next age group category, I plan to cultivate a new beginning in my life. I am entering my 40’s with my heart more open.

For the past 3 months, I have been seeing a guy named, Martin, I met on Tinder. Martin is 47, white guy with a great personality, cheek-to-cheek smile, and nothing but positive attitude in life. The other day, I received this text message from him.


Being the typical warrior I am, despite having no real danger signals from Martin, I keep him at arms length. I hesitate and constantly wait for the other shoe to drop. I honestly don’t know how this will work out and the only way to find out is putting by guard down to let him in. It’s a new beginning.


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