object is not as hot as it appears to be

About 4 years ago, I went on a gay skiing trip. It was my first time going to a gay ski weekend and I fantasized it to be a place with a hot tub with lots of gorgeous shirtless muscle guys.

In reality, it was just a normal ski resort with one small hotel that hosted a gay party in their banquet hall. The admissions fee to the party was $50 and it didn’t even include drinks.  That didn’t stop me from having several cocktails. While I was talking to my friends, this guy behind me started to chat up with me. Then, there was touchy-flirty, that lead to full on kiss. I could feel my friends making faces at us. 

His name is Matt. He is about 7 years older than me, tall, with fairly good build (good enough to hold on to while making out). Turns out we live very close by. What are the odds of meeting a guy out of state who lives nearby town? We exchanged little bit of saliva and phone numbers. I didn’t get to see him rest of the ski trip.

When I got back in town, I called him. We met up for dinner at my favorite restaurant. I was pretty excited about it. When I saw him at the restaurant, I was really confused. I did’t think I was drunk at the time I met him but he looked so different from way I remembered. I didn’t find him attractive at all. Maybe I had too many drinks and everyone seemed hot in a cold snowy mountain top.

I had to sit through the dinner and talk to him. There was no way to back out of it. I felt obligated (and maybe hoped to reenact the ski resort kiss) to invite him over to my place after dinner.  And I have to admit, sex was amazing!  I didn’t see him after that.

Not an Amazing Race

Sorry gaysiandating followers, I totally skipped a blog last week. But I do have an interesting follow up to my last blog, “Don’t be jealous of my boogie” from two weeks ago. I said yes to Thomas. To lunch, not marriage.

It was Thomas’s birthday this week so we went to my favorite restaurant to celebrate. No, it was not at Starbucks. We spent the entire lunch re-bonding and catching up on lost time. This included talking about few guys we dated. He told me about one guy who gets easily jealous and I initially thought he was talking about me. After two bloody Mary’s, I became brave enough to come clean about the time when I was trying to talk to him at the club while he was surrounded by hot guys. I explained I didn’t want to be in the way of his entourage. He joked and said “you should have just moved those bitches out of your way.”

Often, I feel like I am in a situation in which obstacles are in the way of getting what I want. Ok, I realize I am not the only one who feels this way and perhaps it is a common struggle for all of us in many life circumstances.

Lately, all the guys I meet are already in relationships. Even all the dating apps are full of couples looking for a third. I particularly get frustrated with this because it feels like they get to have cake and eat it too. 

It leaves less room for single men like me to meet other single men. Also, I co-exist in the world full of other single gay men who essentially want the same exact trophy as I do. It becomes a competitive race. Do I sprint to cross the finishing line? Or do I throw elbow to everyone in order to win it all?

Many people (especially those who are already in relationships) say to me “you will meet someone when you’re least expecting.” I don’t think I expect anything, but I have desires I want to fulfill and goals I want to accomplish. I also don’t believe that the man of my dreams will just randomly appear at my door. I truly believe that I do have to put some effort into being out there to meet other single men.

Thomas and I are both single and we share the same goals and desires in life, yet we are not competing against each other. Thomas drove me home and gave me a peck on the cheek when he dropped me off. I don’t think I won Thomas, but being around him does make me feel like a winner.

don’t be jealous of my boogie

I met Thomas about 4 years ago on Grindr. He is about 5 years older than me, blond hair, blue eyes, with an amazing physique.He’s also a great cook/baker. We lived close to each other and I spent many evenings having dinner he made at his place. I was at over his place on my birthday. He didn’t know it was my birthday, so he made donuts in a speedy time like on cooking show. It was incredibly sweet (both donuts and his gestures).

I really enjoyed spending time with Thomas and even introduced him to few of my friends.

It was interesting because ever since Thomas and I started to hang out, I ran into him EVERYWHERE….. restaurants, gym, bars, on the street. But I wondered why we never met at these places before? Also, turns out his roommate worked same place as me. SMALL WORLD!

One night, I went to a new gay club with my friend, Sam, for his birthday. Sam is the friend I “whiny-wined” with. (See On my Own post from 04.05.2015). I ran into Thomas at the club Sam and I were at. I was somewhat bothered by the fact that he didn’t tell me plans of going to this club. But then, I didn’t tell him either. We really didn’t require explanations to each other. Thomas is very extroverted and he was getting greeted by many many guys at the club. I tried my best to talk to Thomas, but it almost felt like I had to peel off many layers of hot men to get to the core.

Maybe I was jealous, but that just means, I am that much disappointed that what I hope is not in the reality at the moment. I couldn’t help to think that I was in that show Bachelor and had to compete with all these guys to win a fucking rose from Thomas.

So I threw in the towel and I stopped calling Thomas after that night. I still run into him occasionally at restaurants, gym, bars, and streets. One day, he suggested that we get together for lunch. I have every desire to do this, but something is pulling me back.

I even had a dream about him the other night. I was standing in line at Starbucks and someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned around and it was Thomas, in full beard (he’s always clean shaven in person). My friend says the dream means Thomas is hiding his true feelings behind all the facial hair but always behind me patiently waiting for a latte.

Maybe dream might become a reality this time and I will got to lunch to Thomas…at Starbucks.