13 Reasons Why I wrote this blog.

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1. I just got home from Arizona trip where I took tours around Grand Canyon to soak in the breathtaking views. While the tour guide educated us that Grand Canyon was created over 100 million years ago, he also mentioned many people fall off every year. Some of it which is from suicide. Alright, I realize this topic is incredibly uncomfortable, which was how I felt when the tour guide said it, but it is still important to talk about.

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Sexually fluid

About 3 months ago, I went to Iceland with three friends. Between gorgeous landscapes, hot springs at Blue Lagoon, 23 hours of daylight, and Bjork sounding accents, it was one of my favorite trips ever.

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My friends and I were at a random bar on a Saturday afternoon in Reykjavik. We sat in a corner next to about 6 guys who were obvious Americans. My friends and I were bashing on Trump and they joined in the conversation. Few minutes later, we were buying beers for each other and 4 of us  gays were literally meshed in with these guys. They were all straight guys in their late 20’s and early 30’s, half of them have girlfriends and the other half married. They took a long weekend trip to camp out in the wilderness with their bros of Iceland. After several beers, they were all ready to hit the next bar. One of them had a smart phone app called Appy Hour that tells where the happy hours happen in Reykjavik. Apparently, next destination was Kiki Queer bar. It just happens to be a gay bar. So here we are, me and my 3 gay friends being brought to a gay bar in Iceland by 6 straight guys.

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What does a fox say? “I don’t do hook ups.”

Few weeks ago, I wrote about Carson, whom I ran into while I was gaycationing in Provincetown. Overall, it was a great trip with close friends and met new friends from all over. One of them is Owen, a 40 year old white guy from Tennessee. He is much taller than me with an athletic physique – he loves sports. Owen spoke in a sexy southern accent that made my heart melt a little and he really seems like a southern gentleman.

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Art of dating

It was late fall of last year. Carson and I both swiped right on Tinder. He is in his mid 40’s, bald, white guy with beautiful smile with dimples that is more of a crease on cheeks instead of a dot. It didn’t take long chats for us to arrange a date. There was an open artist studio festival in upcoming weekend so we decided to go get cultured.

First, we met up at a cafe for a quick breakfast sandwich and coffees to go in a paperclip.  Oddly, I like drinking coffee out of a paper cup with Java sleeve instead of a ceramic mug. It makes me feel like I am a hipster.

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I want the WHOLE package, not just a package

Yesterday morning, I went to spin class and as soon I walked in to the locker room, I saw Baylor half naked and I tried my best to not do this:

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I connected with Baylor about 3 years ago on Grindr. He is same age as me, white, sexy-bald head, short-stocky, physically fit type of a guy who can easily be mistaken for a bear. It started with a typical Grindr chat which included photo sharing. We also shared phone numbers and texted about sewing, which was a 180 turn from the chat we had on Grindr.

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Wait, did he just say his boyfriend?!? He just slipped in there between fabric shopping and gayness of sewing. This was surprising yet not, given my track record of being only attracted to unavailable men. Regardless, we continued to flirt.

After the spin class yesterday, he invited me over to his place and we hung out for a bit. He talked about sewing and knitting and I pretended to listen as I was visualizing “sewing and knitting” him with my hands and my tongue. But I kept telling myself that I don’t want to get involved with unavailable men.  Nothing happened and I went home. As soon as I got home, I received a text from him.

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I realized my hormones were highly activated after the spin class so I had to properly cool down from the intense work-out (and Baylor’s text messages). I clarified with Baylor about his relationship status which he and his boyfriend have an open relationship.

Even though sewing and kitting a cute boy once in a while can be fun, I want the whole outfit and the wardrobe. I am looking for the whole package of relationship which can include going to the gym together then having another sweaty work-out in bed afterwards.

Love chemistry

One night about 7 months ago, I was swiping impulsively on Tinder, hoping to hear a “brrrring” sound when a match happens.

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After about 20 swipes, I matched with Landon. He is 30 years old, white guy who is a chemistry professor. Read about Aaron on Sexual Chemistry another chemistry professor I went out with long time ago.

Landon and I went to dinner one night and when I saw him in person, I noticed he is so much shorter than I had imagined. We went to a tapas restaurant and had the usual first date dialogue. Where are you from? how many siblings do you have? Where did you go to school? Where have you traveled to? We conversed in ways that seemed rehearsed as we were on a job interview. Typically if I like someone I have many questions about them, but I found myself not paying attention to him. Unless first date was absolutely horrible, I usually give everyone a second date to get to know them better.

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Taking a chance for romance

Play this song as you read. Believe me, it helps.

While I was in NOLA with Dylan (read about him here: Jazz it up), I was thinking about one of my favorite books, Density of Souls, by Christopher Rice, who is Anne Rice’s son and gay. It’s love story about a gay teenager in high school in New Orleans and friendships with twist and turns, involving a romance with a friend. While I was in NOLA, I tried to picture some of the scenes from the book.

Interesting twist and turn happened for me that same week, I went to Florida after hanging out with Dylan in NOLA. It was mainly to chill by the beach but also to spend some time with Russell, whom I connected with on Tinder in January.

Russell is in his 30s who recently became single after a 7 year relationship. He is an elementary school teacher, into fitness, books, and animals (he has a cat and a bearded dragon). After a mutual swipe right match on Tinder, we kept in touch for two months via FaceTime. I find his sense of humor charming, not to mention his cute smile.

So, I arrived at the airport in Florida, about 10 minutes earlier than scheduled. Russell was going to pick me up from the airport, but he was not there. I called him but he didn’t answer the phone. For a moment, I was worried about being catfished, which I thought about it before the trip so I had planned to stay in a hotel in case that happened. Luckily he did call back after about 10 minutes.

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Immediately, we went out to dinner, which turned into bar hopping. Maybe it was all the beers from New Orleans still in my blood stream or the Florida heat, but I got drunk very quickly. At the end of the night, Russell and I were making out in the middle of the street. Public display of affection is not my thing but I really enjoyed it.

Next day, we walked around the beach and had dinner by the water. After dinner, we got a bottle of wine and sat in the courtyard of the hotel I stayed in. It was a beautiful breezy evening and I had my Spotify playlist of my favorite songs on.

We surveyed about each other intensely. Turns out we had many common interests. We both like same musicals and we both like cheesy rom-com movies. He is a total book worm and I asked him what his favorite book was. His response was Christopher Rice’s Density of Souls. Out of all the books he has read, this was his favorite and I was just thinking about that book few days before. “Fade in you” By Mazzy Star was playing.

Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the music, but I felt the butterflies in my stomach as I thought to myself ‘Is Russell is my soul mate?’

I returned home next day. Russell and I never agreed to anything, we both knew that we were not in a place (physically) and time to be in a relationship. 

For the first few days after I got home, I still had the butterflies in my stomach. But he became more distant than usual. We were already far apart physically, but his response to my text messages were less and less and he didn’t answer to my FaceTime calls.

Even though it turned out less than what I had hoped and I didn’t have any expectations going to Florida. Overall, I feel good about taking a chance.

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