divorce equality too

For the month of June, LGBTQ communities throughout the world have been celebrating pride. This weekend was even more proud when Supreme Court ruled to allow all 50 states to legalize gay marriage. Rainbow was literally exploding everywhere.


However, the definition of marriage seems so subjective. There is a legal definition and religious definition. There is also a personal value to what marriage means to two in a relationship. On 04.12.2015 blog, I briefly talked about open relationships being a norm in gay culture. I know this because I hooked up with 3 guys, Rob, Scott, and Eric. Each of them were married (to guys).

About 3 years ago, I met Rob through a friend, Sam, (whom I was whine-wine’ing with from 04.05.2015 blog On my own), when Rob and his husband of 16 years had us over to their brand new condo. They lived in a high rise flat with an amazing skyline view of the city from their balcony, where we had dinner cooked by Rob’s husband. So there I am, sitting at a gorgeous balcony with a gorgeous view, eating on a gorgeous table setting, prepared by gorgeous guys.

Few months later, Rob invited me over to his place again. He was home alone. It was awkward, but we had sex and I somewhat regretted it. Later that year, I learned that he and his husband divorced. Since, Rob found another boyfriend and now married for the second time.

I met Scott through another friend at a bar few years ago. The Scarlet Letter still 5Scott was very flirty and I was very attracted to him. I certainly enjoyed the attention until he told me that he was getting married in one week and I thought ‘damn it, all the good ones are taken.’ Scott and I had a chance to spent some time together for few months and he came over to my place one night. He became physically flirty and as we begin to kiss, I thought ‘can I possibly be in a relationship with him?’ He probably heard my thoughts because he paused at one point. He explained he and his husband were in an open marriage. Few months after that, I bumped into Scott at a party and he introduced me to his husband. The entire time at the party, I felt like I was Demi Moore wearing a red letter A on my chest. Scott and his husband recently separated and I still question myself ‘can I possibly being a relationship with him?’

rs_464x749-150224155903-634-2calvin-harris-malibuLast year, I met Eric through another friend. Eric has the most amazing body ever. He has that sexy V obliques. I couldn’t resist when he suggested to hang out at our place. With Eric, I knew he and his husband were in an open relationship. Because I only had physical attraction to Eric, so having sex with him was not as awkward.

Also, read Keep it in the Closet blog from 04.19.2015, which was about the str8 married guy whom I hooked up with.

With these experiences, I wonder if there is a such thing as happily married ever after. Or is marriage a constant efforts by two people to survive in the relationship? I personally value monogamy, especially if I am married. If I was in a relationship that is open, perhaps relationship is not ready for marriage. Half of married couples in US divorce. Now gays can get married anywhere in US, I wonder what the divorce rate will be like.


happy daddy day

About 3 years ago, I met Daniel. He is almost 15 years older than me, white, nice hairy chest, somewhat muscular, dark hair, and blue eyes. Despite our age difference, I felt sexually comfortable with him. When we had sex, he wore a jockstrap and I have to admit, it was soooo high school locker room fantasy.


Overall, he was “swipe right” in bed. While I was attracted to Daniel physically, it felt challenging to connect with him personally due to the age difference.

Last year, I was vacationing in NYC and I ran into Daniel randomly at a gay bar. We kept in touch and he invited to me a party he was hosting. I think almost 90% of the people at the party were Asians. And most younger than me. He definitely deserved the “rice queen” title. 


Relationship between a rice queen & a potato queen is an interesting phenomenon. I see so many young gaysians with older white daddies. I don’t know why this is so common. Perhaps it’s a twisted gay version of Freud’s Oedipus complex.

Sigmund Freud

At the party, the one guy I was most attracted to happens to be an older white daddy type…. literally, he was a father of three children.


After the party, a bunch of gaysians went out to dinner. I then noticed myself being attracted to them. Rather than sexual attraction, I found myself being connected with them in ways I cannot possibly connect with older white daddies. After all, I like rice more than potato. Except french fries. I really love french fries.


 Several months ago, I hooked up with Daniel again. He wore the jockstrap again. Maybe he wears it everyday.

sexual chemistry

I met Aaron about 6 years ago though a mutual friend. He is 2 years older than me, white, tall and slightly overweight. He had amazing big blue eyes and I am a big sucker for that. He is a chemistry professor, who had a nerdy sex appeal.


After our dinner date, he took me to his office at his college campus. We talked while he was checking his emails from students.

Whenever he spoke, he would rub his hands together back and forth, like he was warming them up in cold weather.


He would then lick his lips before he spoke. I found it so cute. I think it was the scientist in him to process information before he spoke. He was always thoughtful about his words and I felt like I was mouthful.

We were definitely mouthful when we kissed. He was gentle and staring at his big blue eyes enhanced the kissing experience. I then had this visual fantasy of having sex in the professor’s office. But I was too cautious so we went back to his apartment. He lived with two straight roommates, who were also nerdy hot. I probably spend more time talking to them than with Aaron.

When we were about to have sex in his room by me taking his clothes off, he declined and kept putting his clothes back on. He told me he wanted to wait until he felt more comfortable. This is a reasonable decision, but I felt very rejected.  Plus having two other hot straight guys in the apartment made me even more sexually eager.

Rejection is very difficult to accept and sexual rejection is even more traumatizing for me. I also have to remind myself that I didn’t feel comfortable with certain guys and had to decline their sexual initiatives. Aaron might have wanted to be sure that I am trustworthy to be intimate. Or he didn’t have sexual chemistry with me. 

We drifted apart after few dates but I see him every once in a while. Even though he was a chemistry professor, he could not create a good chemistry between us. 


size queen 2

About 6 years ago, I met this guy name Scott at a gay club. He is 3 years younger than me, white, super tall and big build. We danced affectionally and I decided to take him home. He drove a big old car what appears to be a cadillac. It was so big, it took a while to find a street parking spot that he can fit in. His penis, however… well, I guess that’s why he had a big car. I wrote a blog about being “too big” on 02.22.2015 (See Size Queen) but Scott’s body size was not proportionate to his penis size. In the morning, as he was getting dressed, his undershirt was on the floor. It looked like a shirt that Mormons wear. I picked it up and handed to him. He suggested that I keep it. I thought it was weird.

We had dinner dates few times after that and he told me that he has Asperger syndrome. It’s a form of autism and he has been dealing with it for many years. He didn’t seem ashamed by it. He definitely seem awkward and I had a hard time understanding his sense of humor. Scott also told me about his spirituality, which he identifies himself as a buddhist. On 02.15.2015 I wrote about another guy who was a buddhist, and that didn’t go well. What is it about buddhist??

I couldn’t find any common interest with Scott so I stopped calling him.