give a little love

Hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving holiday! I certainly shared quality time and too much food with my family and friends. Around this time of year, giving is better than receiving. And I am not referring to topping and bottoming.

I have a friend, Alan, who engaged to be married and another friend, Ben, who is in a sorta long distance relationship with his boyfriend who moved away. To help Ben’s sorta single life, Alan has tried to set up Ben with guys many times. However, Alan has never tried to set me up with anyone. This is bit annoying because I am single and Ben is quasi-single. But Ben, being a good friend he is, wanted to share dates he rejected with me. So we were at a bar and Ben introduced me to Ted. It got awkward when Ben realized I have already met Ted last year.

Just over a year ago, I chatted with Ted on OkCupid and Grindr. He is one year younger than me, white guy and has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do so he appears to have a lean build, which was attractive. He travels out of town frequently for work so it took few months of chatting to set up a date.

First we met for brunch, which he came about 30 minutes late. Last time a date came late, I got stood up so I was getting bit anxious. Read that story here: mom > BF.

Part of the reason he came late was because he wanted the restaurant to make him a lavender martini, which he brought his own lavender martini mix with him. I found this kinda annoying yet cute.

Despite his tardiness, I had a great time with Ted and we had great conversations.

When we tried to schedule a second date following weekend, I had to go out of town and weekend after that he was out of town. Then he got the flu the weekend after that. We went back and forth of this for few months and never went out on a second date.

Then there I was at the bar with my friend Ben who introduces me to Ted. At least he remembered me. We were at the same bar where I ran into Henry, who completely forgot that we went out on a date before. Read that story here: unmatch.

So, share your rejected dates with other single friends. But make sure they are not sloppy seconds for the single friend.

thankful

Last week, I wrote about Movember movement, a men’s health awareness month. Also read this blog Psychic vs. Psychologist, a story about a guy I date long time ago who died from cancer. 

I have seen many people my age, including people I dated, develop health problems. That inspires me do my best to stay healthy. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week, I practice yoga, I get plenty of beauty sleep, I eat my vegetables, I try to decrease alcohol consumption, and see my doctor for yearly check-ups.

Over the summer of this year, I met Alex on OkCupid. He is 44 years old, white, average build and appears to be cute based on his pictures. We exchanged messages and met for dinner. I usually like to talk on the phone before meeting in person, but I decided to skip that stage with Alex. All of his pictures in the profile, he was wearing sun glasses. Which is why I was bit surprised when I saw droop on one side of his face.

He explained that he had a stroke about 7 years ago, which would have been around my age. He suffered paralysis on entire one side of his body and has recovered significantly over time. He now is able to walk and talk. However, he still has some weakness on his hands and some memory problems. He is on disability and after living with his parents for some time, he is now living on his own. When we were about to order drinks, he was trying to order his favorite beer, but he could not remember the name of his beer.

During the entire meal, I was so sad about his whole situation. It was also difficult to find any common interest with Alex and I could not enjoy my time with him. I paid the entire bill of the dinner date with Alex, just to get rid of my guilt.

When I got home, I didn’t know what to do or how to feel about the date. I knew that it would be incredibly challenging for me to develop a new relationship with someone that has a disability. How would someone like me who has never been in a relationship have a boyfriend who has a disability? What would I do if I my long term boyfriend all the sudden develops an illness or a disability.

Despite all the terrible dates I had for the past 20 years, I was at least thankful for what I do have in my life, instead of complaining about not being in a relationship.

movember movement

Every November, men grow mustache to raise awareness in men’s health, particularly prostate cancer. Some studies suggest gay men have significantly lower rates of prostate cancer. Perhaps getting prostate stimulated regularly is healthy.

The first time I got mine massaged was from a Columbian guy who was bit OCD judging by his scrubbing skills when we showered together. After he gave me a squeaky clean rub with loofah in shower, he rubbed me with his hands and fingers in his bedroom. When I received a prostate massage from him, the sensation was something I never felt before. I think my body just melted. While I am a blouse (a feminine top), I admit that with a right guy, I have enjoyed being a bottom few times. But I can’t seem to enjoy getting my butt orally pleasured. I hooked up with an Iranian guy who likes to drink sake before tossing salad. He had a beard and it did nothing but tickled me.

To participate in men’s health screening, I had my yearly physical, which included complete HIV/STD screenings as well as HPV swab. HPV screening showed some abnormal cells that required a biopsy, which was the most miserable experience ever. Probably worse than getting tooth drilled by a dentist. They performed the procedure with a camera which I was able to see and it was not a pretty image. Fortunately, biopsy results were fine. I hope prostate exams are not as uncomfortable.

Here is a Gay Man’s Guide To Hitting Your Man’s Prostate Every Time!

Just say no 2

I met Marcus from okcupid almost 5 years ago. He is about same age as me, Jewish (who converted to Buddhism), super tall (like 6’5”) and has cute cheeks that you just want to pinch them. Judging by his pictures in his profile, he always seemed happy and free. Maybe that’s what Buddhism does to you.

For our first date, we met for brunch. I arrived early so I got myself a Bloody Mary while I was waiting. When he arrived, I was even more impressed with his height and his smile. I offered him Bloody Mary and he immediately disclosed that he does not drink alcohol at all. He suffered from mood disorder and listed all the medications he’s been on. But he does not take any medications and does not drink alcohol from his belief in power of natural healing. He developed a major passion for meditation and vegan diet. He is also a big juicer! So there I was sipping on my tomato juice with celery and vodka.

I wrote about gays and unhealthy habits on two blogs: “sex, drugs rock & roll vs. peace, love & harmony” on 04.12.2015. and “Just Say No” on 05.17.2015 

It was refreshing to meet someone who actually practiced “just say no.” But it did make me feel a little guilty. Not that I HAVE to drink alcohol to have fun, it is a big part of my social life and I admit, there are times, I indulged too much while partying.

Marcus and I dated for few months, but I think we both realized we were not compatible. We kept in touch for a bit and he challenged me to not drink for month. I made a decision to do this. I chose month of February because it’s the shortest month of year and usually it’s too cold to go out. Not only I went without drinking the entire month, it lasted until early April when I had a glass of wine for my birthday on the night Thomas made donuts. Read more about Thomas on these blogs: “don’t be jealous of boogie” and “not an amazing race.”  

Honestly, sobriety for two months did make a difference in many ways. I felt physically lighter and I had more energy to stay active all day. I think this really shifted how I think and feel. And I was pretty drunk after only half glass of wine. The year after that, I decided to try not eating meat and became a vegetarian permanently.

Marcus now has a boyfriend and seems to be even happier. One day, he sent me a card and said he has much gratitude for meeting me and being part of his life. For someone who has mood disorder, he is probably the happiest person I know. Could being too happy a disorder?

Trick and Treat

Hope everyone had a great time tricking and treating. As you know gays LOVE to dress up, mostly in drags or something slutty. 

But I was neither last night. I was Kim Jung Il.

I also thought about my past Halloween costumes. Probably about 15 years ago, I dressed up as the Cat in the Hat and went to a gay club called Chrome.

I went with my friend, Victor, who is a close friend from college and we were roommates for several years. Victor is short and stocky, which made him appealing to many many  gays. Every time we went out, guys will be all over him. I think this really damaged my confidence when we went out together. Until, I met Gary, the cowboy, at Chrome. Victor and I were dancing on the dance floor and a cute boy in a cowboy costume danced around us. Victor was trying to dance with him so I turned away to roll my eyes in disgust. Then, the most unexpected by both Victor and me happened. The cowboy pulled on my cat tail and winked at me. I got close to him, grabbed his cowboy hat and exchanged with my hat of cat in the hat. I was a Cat in the cowboy’s hat and he was just a cute boy in a crazy looking hat. And Victor, for the first time was left out. But don’t worry, he had plenty of tricking and treating that night.

Gary is white, same age as me, little bit shorter with a petite figure. Gary’s cute southern accent made the cowboy look more sexy than he already was. Along with exchange of hats, we also exchanged kiss.

When the night was over, Victor and I decided to have some people over at our place for an after party. I invited Gary over also. I think meeting Gary was a confidence booster for me because I was pretty much flirting with everyone. At one point in the night, I was in shower with two boys. This was all happening while Gary was sleeping in my room.

Next morning, Gary woke up early and he was hangry. I assumed he might have known about the group shower and perhaps he felt the same way I usually do when guys flirt with Victor. Apparently, he has diabetes and he gets cranky when he is hungry. We went out on many dates for few months and his mood swings became very dramatic at times. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or  just being a bitchey-queen to be funny. I think this became an issue for me to develop feelings for him. Despite this, I think meeting him itself was important for me. I was in my early 20’s at the time and constantly searching for myself. Gary (and Dr. Seuss) helped me to learn this: