two different worlds

About 4 years ago, I went to a gay club with Liam. While I was dancing with Liam, I saw a cute boy next to me. His hipster-ish fashion was straight out of an Uniqlo ad with bright colors that highlighted his blue eyes and freckled cheeks.

Like a moth to a flame, I immediately started dancing with him, leaving Liam behind. His name is Stan and he is about 8 years younger than me. While we were dancing, I appreciated his body. He had a natural fit physique and turns out he did gymnastics when he was growing up.

We talked about his adventurous life. He lived in Japan for several years, which explains his Harajuku style fashion, and just moved back to America. He has also traveled all over the world. He mostly likes Asian cultures, food, people, and of course gaysians. Apparently, I live under a rock compared to Stan’s travel to, what appears over 100 countries. (I just Facebook stalked him and reviewed all of his travel photos). On 03.08.2015, I wrote about Jeremy who inspired me to experience a new place every year (See Love + Adventure = Happiness). However, my credit card is experiencing too much.

Despite my physical attraction to Stan, I couldn’t find anything in common with him. Also, I admire Stan’s freedom to see the world. But I felt like we lived in two different worlds. I was in my 30’s and only wanted to have fun in the near-by locales. Stan was in his 20’s and only wanted to have fun elsewhere.

friends with benefits

If you read “Bros befo hoes 2” on July 19, I wrote about Liam, whom I met through my friend Taylor. Few years ago, I went to a bar with Liam and Taylor. I met Shamus there. So keep up with me here. Taylor liked both Liam and Shamus. Liam and Shamus dated. And now I am about to do ‘bros befo hoes 3’ on Shamus. We should just have a big orgy and call it a day.

Shamus is 4 years younger than me, white, about my height and an average build. He sorta reminded me of Ron (See St. Valentines vs. Buddha). Shamus and I exchanged phone numbers and he called me the very next day. We met up for ice cream and for almost 2 hours, we did not stop conversing.

We went out on few dates and one night when Shamus and I were hanging out at his place, Taylor texted Shamus what he was up to. Shamus looked at me with a suspicion I had something to do with it. “Why is Taylor texting me? He never texts me.” This got me all paranoid. Taylor knew that I like Shamus so is Taylor purposely trying to sabotage it? Is there something between them that I am completely clueless about? He did reply the message to Taylor “I will be catching up on my sleep.” Then we had sex that night. 

In the morning, we cuddled in his tiny twin bed and I was smiling head to toe. If you are a coffee addict, I think you can relate to the panic when Shamus said he did not have coffee at his place. So he ran to a coffee place to bring me my morning fix. Then he made banana pancakes. 

These small gestures gave me reassurance that we were dating.

One night, we went to a gay bar, where lot of our mutual friends, including Taylor and Liam, spend weekends at. It’s a two level venue where you can check out the first floor from the upper level. While I was getting a drink from the upstairs bar, I saw Shamus talking to a guy downstairs. I tried not to be a crazy jealous chick but I obsessively monitored him. After witnessing them have a make out session, I made an abrupt exit.

Within minutes my cell phone vibrated.

“Where are you?” Shamus asked.

“I am on my way home.”

“Are you ok?” He probably realized what he did made me upset.

“I am fine….. (silence) ……..  Shamus, how do you view… us?”

“Ummm… I think we’re friends.”

“What kind of friends?”

“Just friends…..I am sorry. I should have said something. I just assumed that you knew. I am sorry for not being clear.”

“Well, it is definitely clear now. Good night.”

Maybe he just wanted to be FWB, but I wanted full benefits including medical coverage and two weeks of vacation. Besides, morning cuddle and banana pancakes in bed with coffee are not the usual deal in a FWB package and I did’t get the clear memo he only wanted to be friends.

About a year later, I went to meet up few friends at a bar and there was Shamus talking to my friends when I walked in.

Alright, you might think I was the angry bitter jealous guy, but honestly, I was able to talk to Shamus without bitch slapping him. My friends asked how we knew each other, which created an awkward silence. He then acknowledge he was an asshole to me. I think that gave me some closure. 

unmatch

Shortly after I met Fred  (from last week’s blog awkward first date 2), I met Henry, also on match.com. (I sound like a match.com slut). He is 2 years younger than me, white, tall, with a cute smile. He described himself as a smart, loyal, honest guy with a great sense of humor. He enjoys outdoors and traveling. They are all great qualities I appreciate in a guy.

He also said in his profile: “I try to always be considerate but I know I put my foot in my mouth sometimes.” Based on Fred’s foot fetish situation, I hesitated to contact him, but I did.

We both had interest in art (he majored art history in college) so for our first date, Henry and I went to a local art gallery then to a tapas restaurant. We had a great conversation and I definitely felt the connection. Well, at least I thought I did but after 3 dates, I received this email from Henry:

This is a familiar experience after Luke, whom I also met on match.com, broke up with me via email. See blog from May 24, red hair + bad red wine = bad date. 

I didn’t respond to Henry’s email and obviously we didn’t speak after that… Until I ran into him at a bar with Sam (See mom > BF to read about Sam)  Turns out Sam and Henry are friends.

It’s always awkward to run into people who rejected you and I now have two of them standing front of me. I wanted to be courageous so I went up to both of them to say hi. Sam greeted me immediately. And as I was saying hello, Henry introduced himself to me with a hand shake like we are meeting for the very first time.

“Hi, I’m Henry.” 

“Yes. We met before.” I am still shaking his hand awkwardly and thought maybe he didn’t want to say hi front of Sam.

“Oh… how did we meet?” Henry asked me. 

“Um, it was a while ago.”

“Where did we meet? Did we meet through someone?” Henry still had no clue.

“Well, we met …. um…., we went out on dates before and you dumped me.”

“I am going to shut up now.”

“Yes, you should.” Then I walked away abruptly.

Oh, and every time I go on Facebook, Henry shows up on People You May Know.

I gave up match.com after Henry because I was unmatched with these thee guys: The coupon queen, Quiero el romance, & Ruuuuude. Hello Grindr! 

awkward first date 2

“I’m looking for a real relationship, a life partner, hopefully someone I will grow old with. I’m very sensitive, caring and passionate. I want to be able to hold my partner’s hand every time we walk. I also have a strong sex drive (I’m a bottom).”

I saw this profile on match.com about 5 years ago and contacted him immediately. His name is Fred, who is one year older than me, French guy who got tired of manhunt.com and decided to try match.com to find his match.

For our first date, he picked me up in his Corvette, which I wasn’t really into. He was definitely into how fast he could go. This was clear when he started to race with another car on a highway. It didn’t seem sensitive, caring or passionate as he described in his profile. I was glad that we arrived at our destination, still alive and intact.

We went to a park near water which was more romantic atmosphere than in his Corvette. It was a warm sunny day and we got all comfy on the grass. He was comfortable enough to ask about how much money I made. Last week I wrote about 3 topics of avoid during a first date (see awkward first date). Job salary should be 4th.

At this point, Fred hasn’t made a good impression and I kept looking for a positive quality he described in his profile. One thing he was right about was a strong sex drive. He asked about my sexual interests and was very open about his foot fetish. I realize I am bit boring when it comes to sexuality, but It got even weirder when he asked me to show my feet out in public. He should have said “I want to be able to hold my partner’s foot every time we walk” in his match.com profile. That would have been more clear description.

Despite my rule of giving everyone second chance after first date, Fred was disqualified from that rule.

awkward first date

About 5 years ago, I was at a bar and saw this guy who looked like an older version of Justin Timberlake. I walked up to him to confirm if he was actually Justin Timberlake. He was very flattered to hear this. 

His name is Harry, not Justin, who is about 5 years older than me, white, super tall, dark hair, and has a Long Island’ish accent that was almost intimidating.

We met up for coffee next day. The interaction was so different from the exciting conversation we had at the bar. We talked about 3 top things you should never talk about on a first date: religion, politics, and ex-boyfriends. After we talked about those,  we ran out things to talk about. There were many long awkward silences… about 10 minutes of it. 

To bring sexyback, I try to give everyone a second chance if first date didn’t go well. We went to a swanky bar and had a bottle of wine. I was hoping he would be more relaxed with some wine. This time not only he was boring, but he seemed to have a bitter attitude. It’s too bad, because I really like Justin Timberlake. 

See The Guyliner’s blog about first date: 33 lies you will tell yourself on a first date.