kiss me and thrill me

When I was in college, I met MJ. He was few years older than me, a black guy, with a great body for someone who does not work out, and a great sense of humor. We met through mutual friends and always ran into each other at parties. One night, we both had lots of alcohol and he took me to his apartment. His apartment was fully decorated with retro aesthetics…, halogen lamps, beaded curtains.


We drank more beer on his couch and we started to kiss. Alcohol definitely effects your vision and coordination, because we kept knocking each other’s teeth when we were kissing. It was not sexy at all. I essentially had to put a stop because it was leading into a case of terrible sex. After that, it got awkward so I went home.


Few months later, I saw him at a party again and this time we weren’t as drunk. I wanted to give a second round and kissed him at the party. It was not good, again!

First kiss usually tells it all.


Fumbling towards ecstasy

About 15 years ago, I connected with Chris on AOL GAM4GWM chat room. He is originally from my hometown but was living in Japan at the time. We shared very similar music tastes and somewhat obsessed with BT and Tori Amos. We chatted online for a year, mostly about BT and Tori Amos. And when he moved back to US, we decided to meet in person.

He is white, same as as me, about 6’4, a twink-ish figure with trendy clothes that Japanese hipsters wear. We went to a rave one night and took ecstasy. They say ecstasy enhances all your senses and we were definitely sensual on the dance floor, especially when the DJ played Blue Skies by Tori Amos remixed by BT.

When we got back to his place, we went out to his backyard and laid on a hammock, watching the night sky. It was blue sky but the mood shined and the stars twinkled magically. I kept humming the Tori Amos’s song…. “blue skies are over my head, I said. Let’s go to this magic wonder show.” It was beyond ecstasy – maybe even spiritual.

 Few months after that, he moved to Japan to live with his new boyfriend who was already there. I was very disappointed with this and somewhat heart broken. We kept in touch and few years later, he came back to US and we reconnected. We went to Tori Amos show together. But we lost touch again after that.

Although we are thousands miles apart, every time I see stars at night, I know he is
looking at the same stars where ever he is at.

Kiss me I’m Irish

While most Americans have no idea who St. Patrick is (and I don’t either), Americans celebrate this Irish holiday by wearing green, drinking lots of green beer, and sending emojicon messages of clovers to everyone.

When I went to Savannah, Georgia last year, I was quite shocked to find out they have one of the biggest St. Patrick’s Day celebration in America.

I am going to celebrate it by recalling all the Irish guy I dated. My 02.02.2015 entry called Love For Football also talks about an Irish guy I dated. 

One guy I met worked in a corporate office of a large retail company. He is in his late 30’s, medium build, and slightly taller than me. We met for coffee and had a casual to boring conversations. Then we went out dancing. He had wild moves. When I say wild I meant like a crazy lunatic who was bumping into everyone on the dance floor. I was terrified and he made me spill my drinks few times. I rejected him after that.


Another Irish guy I dated was, Bruce, an older gay who was incredibly good looking. I met Bruce through a friend, Cole, and we started to spend time together at a bar, usually talking about very intimate life experiences. He was very sensitive. He was formerly a model and still maintained an amazing physique and handsomeness while in 40’s. Although he expressed interest in dating, he rejected my offer and I was disappointed.

We still kept our friendship. One day, Bruce was telling me about a guy he was rejected by, throwing a pity party saying he gets rejected all the time. I asked him (referencing to my rejection) – “but I am sure you rejected some guys too.” He said no and I quickly pointed myself to remind him. He laughed embarrassingly.

Love + Adventure = Happiness

I am currently reading a book called “Into the Wild” by Jon Krakauer and this paragraph in the book intothewildmade me pause and ponder.

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

IMG_1771This reminded me of Jeremy whom I met about 10 years ago. He was in his 30’s and worked in the military service. He was slightly shorter than me, but fairly built, that “all-American” type with piercing blue eyes that puts a spell on you.


Although I have a “no sex on first date” policy, I was so turned on by his military trained rock hard physique so I violated this policy. Sex was so loud that I heard our neighbors giggling during. I usually get very vulnerable staying naked after cumming and post-sex chitchats are always awkward. But, his eyes, again, distracted me and we cuddled, as he told me about this three important passions in life: friendship, adventure, and love. He has traveled to many different countries and lived in some places while he was stationed. He spoke in conviction (with his blue eyes) about friendships and how he stayed loyal to many people he has met worldwide.


As an introvert, it is extremely challenging for me to talk to people. During the entire plane ride, I mostly keep to myself sitting next to a passenger I don’t know. When I am out at bars, I tend to mingle with my friends rather than trying to meet new people. But, if someone does approach me, people find me very easy to talk to.

Jeremy’s definition of happiness was the most simplistic view yet the most important core principles to live by daily. He inspired me to be more adventurous and dip my toes in the extroverted world. For the past 10 years, I visited at least one new city every year and during the travel, I did at least one new adventurous activity like parasailing, snorkling, water-skiing, skydiving, and zip-lining. I always return home from these trips feeling more confident and enlightened. 


Jeremy eventually moved to California and we occasionally have phone sex. We also exchange Christmas cards every year.

quiero el romance

About 5 years ago, I was on to find a perfect match. On these profiles, people only describe best qualities and post best photos of themselves. This often may not be 100% accurate to their true self which I end up finding out in person. But, it is the only way to make an impression to get noticed. I, of course, had a description of myself in the utmost positive ways and posted pictures I looked good in, which includes a photo of me skydiving.

I received a message from Santiago, a Mexican-American who was same age as me. His profile described himself as a fun, loving, studious, and spiritual guy. Other qualities include generosity, kindness, light heartedness and a healthy lifestyle. And he was looking to meet guys for friendships and potentially dating.


His message to me said: “I liked your profile. Neat skydiving pic! There is something about the idea of jumping out of an airplane that really appeals to me. I once went zip lining from top of a tall tree in Mexico and it was amazing. Anything that challenges my fear is appealing.”

When it comes to meeting someone online, I always meet for coffee or drinks for the first date. You don’t want to be stuck with a terrible date throughout the entire meal. Also, if coffee/cocktail date goes well, you have the option to go to a different place afterwards or have a follow up date. Also, for a second date, lunch or brunch is a safe option. It’s a shorter meal than dinner and can give you an easy escape option. Santiago and I met for coffee.


He was tall, wore a pair of nerdy-sheik glasses that were so sexy on him.  He had a pale skin tone, appearing more white than Mexican. His Spanish accent was stronger than my coffee, which I find muy caliente!

mucho caliente

We had a great conversation and I suggested ice cream after coffee. While we were walking around to enjoying our ice cream cone, a heavy down pour rain storm came suddenly. We had no umbrella so we ran, seeking shelter. And by the time we got into a building, we were both drenched and our ice creams were completely ruined. I found it somewhat romantic but he seemed very displease. He ended our date abruptly.

For someone who finds an appeal from challenging fear, a little bit of getting soaked from summer rain should not be a major issue. Maybe he was upset that he didn’t get to finish his ice cream.

I never heard back from him after that.