Ho Ho Ho!

Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas! Honestly, Christmas is not as much exciting for me as it was when I was young. Somewhere in between halloween candies and black Friday shopping, people lost the essence of holiday spirit.

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This year, I did something completely opposite and spent the entire Christmas day alone. Honestly, it was not as depressing as you might think so don’t pity me. It was the best way to catch up on reading and rest in my pajamas all day long. How often do you get to do that these days.

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I spent Christmas alone only once before about 2 year ago. Santa didn’t visit me because I decided to be naughty. While sitting in my place alone, getting lonely on Christmas eve, I logged on Grindr to find myself a present. Jeff, who is in his 40’s, frosty hair, blue eyes, and a charming smile messaged me to offer a massage.  He lived close by so I went over to his place, which is a gigantic 3 story house. It was overwhelming to be in it. He also had a gigantic Christmas tree that fit nicely in his gigantic house.

We had a glass of wine in his beautiful marble countertop gigantic kitchen while listening to some Christmas music. There were some candle lights and a fireplace lit too. He took me upstairs to his gigantic bedroom which had gigantic floor to ceiling windows overlooking a gigantic backyard that seemed like an image from Architecture Digest. 

It was beginning to feel like a cheesy romance novel. Also, read American Dream, story about Mark, another guy I hooked up with that had a gigantic house.

Jeff’s penis was not so gigantic. (I don’t really like it big anyways – read these two blogs about that: size queen and size queen 2) and sex was going great for a while until I heard him snore when I was doing my job.

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I shook him and asked him if he just fall asleep?   He denied and covered up by going down on me. We just continued and I was able to finish.

As I was leaving his beautiful gigantic place, I felt even lonelier than before. It was nice to be in such a beautiful gigantic house on Christmas, but falling asleep during sex?!

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Perhaps the wine made him extra tired. Maybe he hasn’t had much sleep all week. Maybe he has narcolepsy. 

I am glad I had a quality time by myself during Christmas this year. Hope everyone did same, wether it was with family, friends, or alone. Now for New Years, that’s special for me. I celebrate great moments I had in the past year (such as this blog) and what I hope for next (maybe twitter page). New Years kiss would be nice too. I have never done that.

Happy new year!

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You got blocked

About a year ago, I started chatting with Bobby on Grindr. He is same age as me, white, slightly shorter than me with a lean frame. He has dark feature that makes him look very euro-mediterranean-sexy. After some superficial chats, we decided to meet for drinks at a new restaurant that just opened. We had a good chemistry and conversations really went well. It was around the holidays and we both had no holiday spirits that made us even connect closer.

Bobby is a lawyer for a major financial firm and spoke highly about his work, making him seem slightly narcissistic. He particularly spoke a lot about his boss who is also a friend. In fact during the entire date, he and his friend-boss kept texting each other. He apologized for being rude while he was on his phone every few minutes. He reasoned that end of the year is typically busier and he often works up to 70 hours a week.

After 3 Moscow Mule drinks and him texting every five minutes, Bobby terminated our date to go to back to  the office, after receiving demands from his bossy friend-boss. This was about 10 o’clock on Friday night. I tried my best to not doubt, but I had a hard time trusting the whole situation.

Very next day, I saw him on Grindr and I sent him a message to say I had a great time. Then his profile rapidly disappeared. I GOT BLOCKED!!!

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I was negatively judged based on one hour (minus 10 minutes of texting) of conversation and  was dismissed permanently. I then wondered if Bobby was really texting his a.k.a. boss during the date to be rescued out of a bad date. Charlotte and Carrie already did that! Click here for that clip:  https://youtu.be/iJ6nS6E2f6o

If so, it is even more disappointing that Bobby, who is a confident, cocky, lawyer, had to pull a cheap move. You can simply tell the person “sorry, but I don’t think we’re looking for a same thing.” And whatever happened to “it’s not you, it’s me” line? There is definitely more respectful way to disconnect from a date.

Not only my suspicions about Bobby were validated, it also validated my negative attitude towards dating in general after all the bad dates I have gone out on. It’s when this happens, I have to constantly remind myself about all the guys I rejected. This is what dating is. It’s trying on different styles, fits, color, and size of pants until you find the pair that fits well.

Some things to be aware of when you’re Grindr’ing: http://thoughtcatalog.com/sean-pollock/2014/12/12-things-ive-learned-from-grindr/

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20’s vs 30’s

On 06.21.2015, I wrote about the special bond between Gaysians and white daddies. Click here to read “Happy daddy day” .

Also, there is an increasing amount of younger gays who are into gaysian daddies. Few months ago, this happened:

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It was the first time anyone has referred me as a “daddy” figure.

More and more of my friends around my age group are dating much younger guys. I certainly have tried to date younger guys before. Read “Two different worlds” about Stan who is 8 years younger than me.

About 2 years ago, I chatted with Ricky on OkCupid. Ricky is 11 years younger than me still living with his parents while he attends college majoring hospitality. We agreed to meet for drinks but it was difficult to pin down a time because of his crazy class schedule.

First bar we attempted to go was jammed packed and there were no seats. So we found another bar down the street, but there was a private function. Finally, we walked around the corner to another bar and had few beers there. It was in autumn so we had pumpkin beers. We had great conversations about his school, and his part time job at a hotel, and his career goals. We also talked about his cat that is old and sick.

Ricky was definitely cute and attractive, but I kept questioning to myself can I possibly be in a relationship with someone who lives with his parents. Do I want become his “sugar daddy” figure?  What can he offer in return if I was the provider for him?

When I was in my 20’s, my priorities were getting drunk at a night club, dancing my ass off in my expensive designer jeans I couldn’t afford, making out with some random boy on the dance floor for a possible chance to get laid, then hoping it will turn into a long term relationship for the week until the following weekend. They say average human’s brain is fully developed at age 25 and I do think when I turned 25, I experienced a quarter-life-crisis. Suddenly, my priorities were more about how to build a successful career to make money for living and realized buying a pair of jeans that costs as much as a car payment seemed ridiculous. Read more about quarter life crisis.

With two pumpkin beers with sugar rim, Ricky and I attempted to find relatable connections but I think we both struggled. I didn’t call him for a follow up date. Few months later, I was sitting at a bar with few friends and Ricky was there, standing next to me to get a drink. I could tell he was uncomfortable when he recognized me so I made him more uncomfortable by saying “You can’t just ignore me.” We greeted each other superficially and he updated me about his cat that died recently. He was still living with his parents and still in college.

What does 30 years old minus 20 years old seem more than 10 years? I am due to turn 40 in several years and I am anxious to fin out what my life will be like in 40’s. I think I can qualify to be a “daddy” in my 40’s.

Click here to learn 30 things gay men need to know before turning 30.

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Strings Attracted

As a single gay man, similar to pretty much anyone who has hit puberty, I have sexual appetite and I get hungry sometimes. To fulfill my appetite, I go on Grindr to browse where you will find a variety of menu options to choose from, weather I go the place for a sit-down meal or order home delivery. It is very efficient to reach satisfaction, but you never know what you will get. I had some really good ones and I had some really terrible ones.

When it comes to one night stands, I think out-of-town visitors are perfect for NSA activities. NSA, which stands of no strings attached, is purely a simple sexual encounter with no further interactions required.

About 3 years ago, I was very hungry one night so I logged on Grindr. I chatted with a guy who was visiting from UK. He is white, 5 years older than me, and the photo of his profile (torso only) displayed his nice chest and abs. After a brief explanation of our tastes, he sent me his face photo and he was definitely cute. He is little bit taller than me with brown hair and brown eyes. He had cute dimples and I always found dimples sexy.

We agreed to meet and I went over to his hotel. Likely from fear of unknown, my anxiety level elevated as I was going up the hotel elevator.

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When he opened the door, he said my name (in British accent) and I was shocked how he knew my name since I didn’t tell him. With a brief clarification, I learned that we have same names. After getting over the awkward introduction, we quickly took off each other’s clothes. Comparison to feeling so anxious in the elevator, I was all relaxed in his bed. To be honest, I can’t remember much about sex with him. Don’t get me wrong, it was good and I had a great time. But what I remembered the most is getting to know him personally.

He is from a coastal town just south of London, UK and was in town for a work conference. He works in cancer research. He seemed sweet and kind. When I meet guys I like, I can’t help to go into all the “what if’s” scene in my head. On my way home, I had envisions of me living in London, being a lover of a famous doctor. He returned to UK few days later.

Can NSA really be completely detached? For me, I need some level of connection to feel sexual pleasure with someone. Yes, anonymous encounters provide complete privacy, but complete blind-fold does not excite me at all. Sexual chemistry should have some strings that may at least be attracted, if not attached.

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Even though my intent was NSA with the British doctor, we ended up becoming Facebook friends. We have been messaging each other once a while since, usually on holidays and birthdays.

Also read more about NSA on Aries gay man’s blog: On String and Attachment: No Strings Attached