love is love

It’s pride month. People across the country and throughout the world are celebrating diversity by marching in parades, attending festivals, and participating advocacy events. Whether you are G, L, B, T, Q, or any other alphabet letters, rainbow is brighter when all colors come together.

Early this morning, a tragic shooting happened in Orlando, Florida. It has impacted me even more because it was in a gay night club. It reminded me of the Queer as Folk (US version) episode when there was a bombing at Babylon (poor Cyndi Lauper).

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3 for 3

Did you read the story about a gay married couple in Canada who got divorced to add a third person in the relationship? (click here for the article) I believe the third one is gaysian. I read another article about a “trouple” men in Thailand who are actually all married to each other. (click here for that article)


About 3 years ago, I met Rob and Bill on Grindr. They are a gay couple, white, in their late 40’s, living in a beautiful 3 bedroom house with a dog. They invited me over to be their “guest.” I have never done a ménage à trois, but have always been curious. I was out drinking one night and went over to their place on my way home.

It was awkward at first, but I quickly became comfortable. They took turns to ensure I was receiving all the attention. In fact, they were not intimate with each other at all. Not even a kiss.

They probably have been together for many many years and I imagine sex became a bit  too familiar for them. I guess I was there to add a bit spice to their sex life. I admit I had fun and it appears they did too, because they kept inviting me over.

Second time I went over to their place, it was different. Rob was the only one who participated and Bill mostly watched us. Comparing the two, I was more interested in Bill than Rob so it wasn’t fun for me this time. The third time, they were more engaged in each other and I was pretty much the Asian meat in a white bread sandwich.

Korean-Bulgogi-Steak-Sandwich (1)

I then wondered how I would respond if my partner in a committed relationship wanted to have a third party to join.

First, how do you make three people to have equal partnership? It has be exactly 33.333333…% If you are on a bus that only has two seater section, who gets to sit together and who gets left out? The married-now-divorced couple sacrificed their marriage in order to have a fair and equal relationship status with the third partner. Even though they did this, the fact that they were married in the beginning and the third person joined afterward could make him already disadvantaged.

Second, having a sexual encounter outside of the relationship, even if the partner is present, seems rather too much to do. There were moments with Rob and Billy, I was trying to multitask with two people at the same time and it was not easy. I only have two hands and I like to concentrate my hands on just one person when I am having sex.

Third (to really tie in theme of this blog) reason I don’t think polygamy works is the challenges of fitting in the judgy society we live in. How do you go out to a romantic dinner with the three people without getting stared at. How do you bring both partners to work Christmas party?

Although, I am sure sharing life responsibilities amongst three people is a huge benefit. Can you imagine having triple income?

For me, I prefer one-on-one when it comes to a long term serious relationship. But I’d be open to being a special guest for a couple. Hey, I might even try with a guy+girl couple.