Asian American vs Asian Asian


May is Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month. Asians in America have come a long way when it comes to tolerance but continues struggle with acceptance in this white-dominant society.

Regardless, GLBT rights are much stronger in US than Asian countries. Currently, no Asian countries allow same sex couples to legally marry. Many other countries through Europe and Africa legalized same sex marriage and it has been almost a year since the U.S. Supreme Court ruled to legalize same-sex marriage. Read Divorce Equality Too my response to that.  

While it is great to have freedom in this country, I also feel like gays abuse that freedom to the extreme. Most of the gay couples who are married have open marriage. I guess as long as two people in a relationship are in complete agreement with sex outside of marriage. But, my personal values have a conflicting view with the concept of open marriage. Some argue it only helps the relationship to last, which is what Kyle told me when I met him.

Just about a year ago, I met Kyle at a bar. He is in his late 30’s, short, stocky, a cub type.

He is married (to a guy) and they live in New York City. Kyle travels for work and was in town for two days. We had a great conversation and I found his bitchy-sarcastic humor strangely attractive. As we exited the bar, we kissed in the middle of the street which was an invitation to his hotel room where he gave be an amazing BJ (probably best one ever I received).

While I know he and his husband have an agreement, I felt little bit guilty. I also hate being the “other woman.” We stayed in touch and even became Facebook friends, which gave me a great opportunity to Facebook stalk his husband. It made me even more confused because the husband is so attractive. Why would they need to find alternative partners if they have something so great?

I do think Asian Americans acculturate themselves in America but many still hold on to their traditional family values. Gosh, I sound like a total prude.

Rice… to stick or not

It’s Asian American Heritage month and I must say I am pretty proud to be a gaysian. About 4 years ago, I received a message from Vaughn on OkCupid. He’s another gaysian, same age as me, living in same neighborhood, working in same industry, and have same interest as mine. 


After exchanging some messages with few weeks of interval, it sort of fizzled out and we never connected. That is until I was at a housewarming party of my friends’, Harry and his husband (a white guy and a gaysian). I mentioned about Harry in I am not into Asians. 

So Vaughn was at the party and I immediately recognized him. But given my past experiencing of people not recognizing me, I didn’t pay attention to him. Well, Vaughn definitely recognized me and said hi to me – “hey, we kinda met before.” Also, he introduced me to his boyfriend (a white guy).  I guess that explains why he stopped messaging me on OkCupid. We had good chit chats and it was nice to get to know him in person.

So strange how this works, but after that party, I ran into Vaughn EVERYWHERE I went. One day, I was walking around the city and was thinking about calling him to see if he wanted to hang out that weekend. My thoughts became reality instantly when he and his boyfriend were literally coming towards me on the street. We talked for a bit and turns out Vaughn and Scott (read about Scott here: divorce equality too) are now roommates. We were all invited to a party hosted by Scott’s ex, where I also met Robert (read about Robert here: second happy birthday Jesus).

So there I was at the party in presence of Scott, Vaughn, Robert and Carl (read about Carl here when hook ups show up) hosted by Scott’s ex.   Vaughn’s boyfriend didn’t come though. At one point, Vaughn, Scott, and I were on the couch, somewhat intoxicated, and became physically flirtatious. It was awkwardly fun but I made every effort to stop messing around with non-single or non-available boys. Besides, I had my eye on Robert at the party.

Few weeks later, Vaughn, Scott and I went out to dinner. It was really a good opportunity to bond with Vaughn. We actually came clean about the OkCupid messages and how we both regret that neither of us pursued further. He kept saying that I am a “catch” and is surprised that I am single.

When it comes to dating, timing is everything. I can’t help to wonder if Vaughn and I actually went out on a date, what it would be like now.

I hang out with Vaughn and his boyfriend sometime and they are actually fun to hang out with. 

Higher learning

I noticed there are many college graduations this weekend. I entered college almost 20 years ago and I remember it being intimidating at first. But for four years, I throughly enjoyed my freedom thinking I was invisible. I also remember I couldn’t wait to graduate to enter the real world.


Now that I am in the real world, I constantly fantasize about going back to college. Not because of frat boys and dorm showers, but not having to be so much responsible for myself as an adult. So, I decided to go back to college to expand my knowledge. I will be working full time and taking online classes. Ummm, wait… now I will have MORE responsibilities.


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