Gayly matrimony

It’s been a year since gay marriage became legal in US and many gays got married since. What always confuses me is those who are in open marriages. Read about married guys I hooked up with here: Divorce Equality too. 

Few months after the US Supreme Court legalized gay marriage, I received a friend request from, Kevin, a cute guy on Facebook, who had many mutual friends. While it is not my usual way to meet guys, we exchanged phone numbers and flirted with each other for weeks. 

Then this happened as he recommended a Chinese restaurant he’s been to:

I was so confused of what his intent was when he first reached out to me. I stopped communicating with him after realizing there is no possibility of building any significant relationship with him other than having mutual friends on Facebook.

It also made me question what I would want in a married relationship. I think if people were flirting with my husband, in someways, it will be a compliment ‘yep, my husband is so cute, everyone wants him and I have him.’ What if my husband was flirting back? Would that make me jealous? What if I was flirting with other guys?

 For me, flirting is acceptable behavior in marriage and I will probably view it harmless socialization with people who are appealing to talk to. But, if the intent to flirt is more than a simple person-to-person interaction, I think I’d be hurt. I don’t know if Kevin’s husband knows about these text messages but if I was his husband, I don’t think I’d appreciate it. I believe marriage should not happen until I am assured that my partner and I are able to have complete trust in each other. I guess I am vey traditional in some sense.

I also thought about what kind of wedding I would want. I have been to many many weddings and many of the couples spend thousands of dollars and months to plan. But what is too much? Especially when half of marriages end in divorce and people remarry. Also, they invite many guests including some distant relatives they barely know. Yes, there is something special about announcing that I want to commit to someone to people around me. But I prefer to have more intimate wedding with my closest friends who have served significant importance in my life.

Am I a good husband material?

daddy issues

If you’re looking to read an uplighting story, this one is not it. It’s about to get Debby Downer real quick.

Exactly thirty years ago this month, my biological father died from a tragic accident. I was only 8 at the time and somehow I spent my childhood without grieving the loss.

love is love

It’s pride month. People across the country and throughout the world are celebrating diversity by marching in parades, attending festivals, and participating advocacy events. Whether you are G, L, B, T, Q, or any other alphabet letters, rainbow is brighter when all colors come together.

Early this morning, a tragic shooting happened in Orlando, Florida. It has impacted me even more because it was in a gay night club. It reminded me of the Queer as Folk (US version) episode when there was a bombing at Babylon (poor Cyndi Lauper).

I want kink, not stink.

*Fair warning: if you’re having a meal right now, do not read this.*

Lately, there is a bunch of guys I flirt with via text messages yet and no one seems to show interest in spending face to face time. We all live in a go go speed and many feel relationships are too inconvenient to their personal agenda. Everyone is still recovering from pain and hurt from some degree of broken hearts and avoid  getting closer to people to prevent being wounded again. We become more isolated which leads to loneliness. And people make less than ideal choices to cure boredom from loneliness. You might have guessed that I was describing myself mostly.

About a year ago, I woke up early in the morning alone and bored (aka horny) and to cure boredom (and horniness), I got on Grindr to browse. I quickly received a message from “Jack” (we never exchanged names) who appeared good looking in the picture. It’s one of those “get to the point” message:

I accepted his offer to host. He probably is into anonymous style because he was waiting for me naked in his bedroom, which is out of my comfort zone. He got right “down” to business and I tried to enjoy it. But I was so distracted by an awful odor, almost like he had sex all night smell. It was combination of sweat, lube, and poop. Not sexy at all.

For someone who takes personal hygiene very seriously, it required a lot of efforts to finish quickly and get the fuck out of there. I pretty much ran home to take a 30 minute shower and scrubbed off my regret with loofah. I should have just played candy crush to cure my boredom. 

Ok, I really think NSA is a terrible experience. Here are few other stories about NSA sex: Should have been saved by the bell, Need to make a deposit, and Strings Attracted.