Sorry, I am not into Asians

I was on Grindr last night and saw this:

I live in a relatively big metropolitan city with diversity so big, I think sometimes white people may feel like they are the minorities. I have only heard about these Grindr profiles so to see it bluntly out there was bit surprising for me. Many of my gaysian friends get so mad when they see it. Some call it sexual racist. Click here: Sticky Situations to read the story I wrote about sexual racism.

While there are people who are not into Asians, there are many guys who are ONLY into Asians, as you know, we call them rice queens. One of my rice queen friends, Harry, who is a white guy married to a gaysian guy explained his point of view. Harry has dated all races and he is attracted to Asians the most not because of physical attributes, but for the calm manners and submissive demeanor. So what about an Asian who is very loud and has a dominant personality?

From my own dating experience, what I have found is that most rice queens want an authentic Asians, FOTB (fresh off the boat) type. These rice queens usually wear buddhist bead necklaces, eat dim sum every Sundays, only drink Chinese herbal tea, travel to Thailand or Vietnam every summer, or practice some sort of martial art.

Many years ago, I hooked up with Adam, who is in his late 40’s, an Asian antique collector. TOTAL rice queen. When I went to his apartment, it was full of tacky Asian furniture, pottery, and decorations. It reminded me of Chris. (Read about Chris here: Stranger Danger). 

He also lived with a roommate who is an Asian and a chef. I think only reason Adam lived with him was to have Asian meals every day. Sex with Adam was mediocre. I think I was mostly distracted by the big Asian gangster tattoo on his back. It was like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.

I am not a controlling dominant personality, but I don’t view myself as someone with a meek character. Perhaps, I don’t like the white guys who are ONLY into Asians. I am racist rice queens. I am definitely more attracted to people in general who are genuinely open to all. Maybe I should change my Grindr profile to say, “sorry I am not into rice queens.” 

3 to 4?

I met up with my friend, Cole, for Sunday Funday today. We went to a gay bar for some afternoon drinks and I am still tipsy. While we were at the bar, I ran into Rob and Bill, a married couple I had a 3-way with several years ago. Read 3 for 3 about that story. 

It was awkward because they didn’t recognize me at first, but when I told them my name, they remembered. Or at least Rob did. To be honest, I am more attracted to Bill than Rob. Regardless, I actually had a good time talking to them in more personal level instead of talking to their penises. They were with a friend of theirs, Mark, and I also talked to him for a bit. By this point, I was pretty drunk. I was on my way to the bathroom and Mark grabbed me into the women’s room. Next thing I know, he was giving me a BJ in the stall. He did it for few seconds. I wasn’t sure why he stopped, but I was glad he did, because I was so afraid that I was going to get caught.

I went back to the bar and was talking to Rob and Bill again. They invited me over to their place for a four with them and Mark. I declined their offer. I only wanted Mark one way, but in a bedroom instead of a bathroom.

I didn’t even get a chance to exchange contact information with Mark. Would it be weird for me to ask Rob and Bill for Mark’s phone number?

Boring Date

I met Mike last summer after chatting with him in Grindr. He is few years younger than me white guy who works in real estate. We exchanged phone numbers to flirt some more.

We also exchanged photos of ourselves. He has dark hair, full beard, and a pair of trendy glasses. Most of his photos were with his cute puppy. I am a biggest sucker for a guy with a cute dog. I’d say Mike is somewhat of a bigger figure but I wouldn’t call him fat. Despite this, he had to defend himself about his shape.

We met for drinks and apps at a local bar. Mike is from New England and I am from Florida, so we naturally clashed like the weather differences of these two regions.

He mostly complained about many things in life. I know I can get bitter at times, but it was definitely not a pleasant to spend an hour hearing his unhappiness in life. As boring as this blog entry is, Mike was boring to talk to. Perhaps, he felt the same because we both never contacted each other.

Read Awkward First Date, which is about Harry, another boring date I had many years ago. 

como te gusta mi pinga

Last winter, I went to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico with several friends. It was my very first time there and I was nervous about not knowing much Spanish other than hola, gracias, and como te gusta mi pinga?

Not only I was surprised many people spoke English, I was also pleasantly surprised to discover Puerto Vallarta is a major gaycation spot. There were many gays from all over US and Canada. There was essentially a gay mecca at the beach with muchos bars that serviced right on the sandy beach. I was drinking my margarita and eating my pico de gallo and guacamole, thinking it was an amazing place to just be.

I also noticed I was the only gaysian at the beach, probably in the entire city of Puerto Vallarta. As I walked the shoreline of a sandy beach, I saw a groupie circled around a cabana near me. One girl gave me a stare then yelled out, “there is an Asian!” then she finger gestured to ‘come over here.’

I looked over both of my shoulders as if there was another gaysian around me then walked up to them. Next to the girl was a somewhat bear’ish guy with dark hair with little pieces of gray hair and fabulously glamorized with a pair of sunglasses that looked like what Elton John would wear. She introduced me to him. “Brad likes Asians.”  Only few minutes into the conversation, Brad upfrontly suggested that we hang out at his condo. Without hesitation (because normally I try to come up with excuses to refuse), I agreed to this suggestion.

On my way to my hotel, I stopped by the convenient store to get some snack. Between the convenient store and a farmacia, there were several posters on the wall, mostly advertisements for drag shows. One of them was a poster of a singer performing for the week. Brad’s face was on that poster.

As we planned, I went to Brad’s place that evening. I was impressed with his oral talents, being a singer he is, and enjoyed his BJ all the way to soprano. With a brief session of cuddling, he said to me: “I like Asian guys” and I replied, “then you’re lucky, because I am Asian.” Then I mentioned about the poster of him on a wall next to the farmacia, which explained that he was in a reality talent show and doing a tour in Puerto Vallarta for the week. I am not much of a TV watcher so I felt guilty that I didn’t know who he was. He then asked if I was going to tell people about him? I told him I wouldn’t do that, but I am going to write a blog about it. 

I left Brad’s place feeling proud like I just conquered a major quest. Brad is something I wouldn’t find normally attracted to yet I enjoyed the brief session of sexcape. Maybe it was all the speedos at the beach or the fact that he’s a celebrity.

Namaste bitches

About 3 years ago, I met Mike for coffee after chatting with him on Grindr for few weeks. Mike is about 10 years older than me, white guy who just ended an almost 20 year relationship. They were practically married, living together with like 5 dogs, which they had to split custody of when they broke up. He rationalized that break-up created an opportunities to focus on his growth and was a pivotal moment in his life to have a fresh start. Instead of focusing on sadness from loss, he focused on compassion and kindness.

Mike values connection between spiritual body and physical body. (BTW, he is RIPPED from doing yoga daily.) I, myself, practice yoga frequently. For most people, yoga is physical fitness and even gyms now offer yoga classes. Yes, I think it’s a good form of exercise. And, I totally want to look like Adam Levine.

But for me, yoga is also exercising my mind and my spirit. There is an element in yoga where you find peace within through meditation. I try channeling this to my day-to-day life circumstances. I try to practice kindness and compassion to myself and others. After all the negative dating experiences, it’s easier to carry a pessimistic attitude. I am learning to find gratitude. I guess this is called soul searching.

I have been reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and this quote really resonated with me:

I am constantly reminded of needing to finding a soul mate from seeing couples holding hands in the streets or friends telling me about their wonderful relationships and constant exposures from TVs, movies, and magazines showing images of those perfect couples. While I aspire to be in a relationship, I have learned to fully appreciate singlehood which helps me to be introspectful. It really helps me to place that mirror front of me to reflect every little wrinkles and imperfections, only to learn how to love myself unconditionally. When I am in a dark place, it is when people come into my life to help me find the light and grow.

Speaking of guys who practice buddhism, I have gone out with few of them. Read about Ron (St. Valentines vs. Buddha) and Scott (Size Queen 2). As for Mike, he moved out of town and we lost touch. 

 

when hooks ups show up

Recently, I went to party and there were a bunch of other gaysians there, along with someone I had a one time thing from Grindr about 4 years ago. His name is Carl, who is in his 40’s and has his own consulting business.

We live pretty close by and Carl came over to my place on his way to get a hair cut on a Saturday afternoon. Carl literally has the hottest body I ever touched.

We did exchange phone numbers but we never saw each other until this party. So there I am at the party and Carl walks in with his boyfriend. We both looked at each other but eye contact was awkward as I didn’t know if he would recognize me.

He did come up to me and said “good to see you.” I sorta melted a little from his handshake.

Throughout the party, Carl and I had a good conversation. I also talked to his boyfriend (who is also a gaysian) whom I really enjoyed chatting with. Similar to Carl, he had an amazing body too. They have been together for 3 years but have known each other longer than that.

The very next day, Carl and his boyfriend invited me to dim sum. I was nervous at first, but surprisingly, I had a great time. In fact, it was really nice to see Carl fully clothed and getting to know him in more deeper level than this gorgeous body. Although I couldn’t stop staring at his biceps when he was reaching across the table for some sticky rice.

Would it be possible to become friends with Carl and his boyfriend? Does Carl’s boyfriend know about me? How do relationships go from a random NSA hook up to a friendship level?

Also turns out Carl is friends with Rob, someone I hooked up with after I hooked up with Carl. Read about Rob here: divorce equality too.

Happy new year and happy one year anniversary of my blog. Thank you to my 56 followers. In 2015, I had total of 1,531 views and 865 visitors from all over the world – 62 countries! I also have twitter page now www.twitter.com/gaysiandating.

Many people talk about new year resolutions. I don’t really like the idea of new year resolutions because it implies there is a problem in life to have resolutions. Instead of looking at things as a problem, I prefer to have goals or intensions. One of the things I am going to do this year is to have bit more positive theme in my blog. In order to set a positive intention, I need to start with a very specific guiding principles about dating.

Many friends ask me, “what kind of guys do you like?” While it’s really difficult to narrow down “types” of guys, these are 10 guiding principles when it comes to being in a relationship.

1. Marital status: He must be single. That means not married (even if he is separated), or have a boyfriend, or any other serious, committed, long term relationships. If he is loosely dating multiple people, that’s fine as long as we have honest communication about hopes of being in a relationship.
2. Location location location: I live a hustle and bustle lifestyle and have very limited free time. I’d like to spend that limited free time with my partner as much as possible. If travel time to see him is more than the actual time I get to spend with him, it would be difficult to make the relationship grow. Living in a close proximity is key because time is valuable for me.
3. Age: Generally, I relate to people in 30’s or 40’s best. I’d say -10 to +10 is a good range. If he’s living in a college dorm or on Medicare, I probably will have very little in common.
4. Physical well being: I am no gym bunny, but healthy practice is very important to me. I would like my partner to be able to live a healthy lifestyle as well as do any physical activities leisurely.
5. Emotional well being: Many gays shame “drama” and I probably do too. Reality is everyone has unpredictable and uncontrollable drama. The key is how well you deal with these situations. If you heavily depend on chemicals to avoid stress, I will not get along with you.
6. Social skills: I am most attracted to people somewhere between extreme extroverted and extreme introverted. I like him to be able to socialize comfortably and confidently without being a center of attention, but cannot be someone I have to babysit at a party.
7. Ambitions: I am a professional and if I would like to be in a relationship who has already established his career. Also, having goals and aspirations inspire me to do the same.
8. Art & music: I don’t care for trashy TV shows, but I can tolerate some as long as it’s balanced with new restaurants, live music, theater, museums or art galleries, periodically. I would like my partner to be well cultured.
9. Adventure: If you read my blog about Love + Adventure = Happiness, I like to participate at least one adventurous activity a year travel as long as time and money allows. Creating memories with my partner to do these things would be important for me.
10. Kindness:  Disagreement is a part of any relationships and mine is probably ni different. While I expect to throw shade during arguments at each other, the key to the relationship growth is treating each other with kindness and respect when it comes to settling different views in life.

Bonus point if you have a great sense of humor and will laugh at my jokes.

Extra bonus points if your smile makes your cheeks crease like a long line of a dimple.

Ho Ho Ho!

Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas! Honestly, Christmas is not as much exciting for me as it was when I was young. Somewhere in between halloween candies and black Friday shopping, people lost the essence of holiday spirit.

This year, I did something completely opposite and spent the entire Christmas day alone. Honestly, it was not as depressing as you might think so don’t pity me. It was the best way to catch up on reading and rest in my pajamas all day long. How often do you get to do that these days.

I spent Christmas alone only once before about 2 year ago. Santa didn’t visit me because I decided to be naughty. While sitting in my place alone, getting lonely on Christmas eve, I logged on Grindr to find myself a present. Jeff, who is in his 40’s, frosty hair, blue eyes, and a charming smile messaged me to offer a massage.  He lived close by so I went over to his place, which is a gigantic 3 story house. It was overwhelming to be in it. He also had a gigantic Christmas tree that fit nicely in his gigantic house.

We had a glass of wine in his beautiful marble countertop gigantic kitchen while listening to some Christmas music. There were some candle lights and a fireplace lit too. He took me upstairs to his gigantic bedroom which had gigantic floor to ceiling windows overlooking a gigantic backyard that seemed like an image from Architecture Digest. 

It was beginning to feel like a cheesy romance novel. Also, read American Dream, story about Mark, another guy I hooked up with that had a gigantic house.

Jeff’s penis was not so gigantic. (I don’t really like it big anyways – read these two blogs about that: size queen and size queen 2) and sex was going great for a while until I heard him snore when I was doing my job.

I shook him and asked him if he just fall asleep?   He denied and covered up by going down on me. We just continued and I was able to finish.

As I was leaving his beautiful gigantic place, I felt even lonelier than before. It was nice to be in such a beautiful gigantic house on Christmas, but falling asleep during sex?!

Perhaps the wine made him extra tired. Maybe he hasn’t had much sleep all week. Maybe he has narcolepsy. 

I am glad I had a quality time by myself during Christmas this year. Hope everyone did same, wether it was with family, friends, or alone. Now for New Years, that’s special for me. I celebrate great moments I had in the past year (such as this blog) and what I hope for next (maybe twitter page). New Years kiss would be nice too. I have never done that.

Happy new year!

You got blocked

About a year ago, I started chatting with Bobby on Grindr. He is same age as me, white, slightly shorter than me with a lean frame. He has dark feature that makes him look very euro-mediterranean-sexy. After some superficial chats, we decided to meet for drinks at a new restaurant that just opened. We had a good chemistry and conversations really went well. It was around the holidays and we both had no holiday spirits that made us even connect closer.

Bobby is a lawyer for a major financial firm and spoke highly about his work, making him seem slightly narcissistic. He particularly spoke a lot about his boss who is also a friend. In fact during the entire date, he and his friend-boss kept texting each other. He apologized for being rude while he was on his phone every few minutes. He reasoned that end of the year is typically busier and he often works up to 70 hours a week.

After 3 Moscow Mule drinks and him texting every five minutes, Bobby terminated our date to go to back to  the office, after receiving demands from his bossy friend-boss. This was about 10 o’clock on Friday night. I tried my best to not doubt, but I had a hard time trusting the whole situation.

Very next day, I saw him on Grindr and I sent him a message to say I had a great time. Then his profile rapidly disappeared. I GOT BLOCKED!!!

I was negatively judged based on one hour (minus 10 minutes of texting) of conversation and  was dismissed permanently. I then wondered if Bobby was really texting his a.k.a. boss during the date to be rescued out of a bad date. Charlotte and Carrie already did that! Click here for that clip:  https://youtu.be/iJ6nS6E2f6o

If so, it is even more disappointing that Bobby, who is a confident, cocky, lawyer, had to pull a cheap move. You can simply tell the person “sorry, but I don’t think we’re looking for a same thing.” And whatever happened to “it’s not you, it’s me” line? There is definitely more respectful way to disconnect from a date.

Not only my suspicions about Bobby were validated, it also validated my negative attitude towards dating in general after all the bad dates I have gone out on. It’s when this happens, I have to constantly remind myself about all the guys I rejected. This is what dating is. It’s trying on different styles, fits, color, and size of pants until you find the pair that fits well.

Some things to be aware of when you’re Grindr’ing: http://thoughtcatalog.com/sean-pollock/2014/12/12-things-ive-learned-from-grindr/

20’s vs 30’s

On 06.21.2015, I wrote about the special bond between Gaysians and white daddies. Click here to read “Happy daddy day” .

Also, there is an increasing amount of younger gays who are into gaysian daddies. Few months ago, this happened:

It was the first time anyone has referred me as a “daddy” figure.

More and more of my friends around my age group are dating much younger guys. I certainly have tried to date younger guys before. Read “Two different worlds” about Stan who is 8 years younger than me.

About 2 years ago, I chatted with Ricky on OkCupid. Ricky is 11 years younger than me still living with his parents while he attends college majoring hospitality. We agreed to meet for drinks but it was difficult to pin down a time because of his crazy class schedule.

First bar we attempted to go was jammed packed and there were no seats. So we found another bar down the street, but there was a private function. Finally, we walked around the corner to another bar and had few beers there. It was in autumn so we had pumpkin beers. We had great conversations about his school, and his part time job at a hotel, and his career goals. We also talked about his cat that is old and sick.

Ricky was definitely cute and attractive, but I kept questioning to myself can I possibly be in a relationship with someone who lives with his parents. Do I want become his “sugar daddy” figure?  What can he offer in return if I was the provider for him?

When I was in my 20’s, my priorities were getting drunk at a night club, dancing my ass off in my expensive designer jeans I couldn’t afford, making out with some random boy on the dance floor for a possible chance to get laid, then hoping it will turn into a long term relationship for the week until the following weekend. They say average human’s brain is fully developed at age 25 and I do think when I turned 25, I experienced a quarter-life-crisis. Suddenly, my priorities were more about how to build a successful career to make money for living and realized buying a pair of jeans that costs as much as a car payment seemed ridiculous. Read more about quarter life crisis.

With two pumpkin beers with sugar rim, Ricky and I attempted to find relatable connections but I think we both struggled. I didn’t call him for a follow up date. Few months later, I was sitting at a bar with few friends and Ricky was there, standing next to me to get a drink. I could tell he was uncomfortable when he recognized me so I made him more uncomfortable by saying “You can’t just ignore me.” We greeted each other superficially and he updated me about his cat that died recently. He was still living with his parents and still in college.

What does 30 years old minus 20 years old seem more than 10 years? I am due to turn 40 in several years and I am anxious to fin out what my life will be like in 40’s. I think I can qualify to be a “daddy” in my 40’s.

Click here to learn 30 things gay men need to know before turning 30.