In the shallow, shallow.

In the shallow, shallow.

Last year, I was chatting with a guy on Grindr who had a shirtless profile photo and seemed pretty decent looking. Our conversation super shallow. It went something like“hi, how are you. Good and you? Good. That’s good….”

He didn’t put his age on his profile, but I believe he was in his 40’s. He had a bald head with blue eyes that were too small to be noticed.

We decided to meet for drinks on a Sunday evening at a neighborhood pub. I didn’t think it was a dinner date so when I arrived, I sat at the bar. However, he ordered a turkey sandwich AND a pumpkin pie, while I drank my apple cider (It was in November) and uncomfortably watch him eat a meal. I ain’t gonna lie, I wanted a piece of that….. the pumpkin pie I mean.

It got really bizarre when he stood up at the bar seat and had the bar stool pulled out so far, it was blocking people walking by, and he just stood there. He talked about his back pain and needing a massage. I think he was hinting for me to massage him like a power bottom with ass up in the air.

He also mentioned that he is a Reiki master and offered to do Reiki on me. It seemed too sleazy and I just wasn’t having it. I didn’t even order a third beer and as soon as he took the last bite of the pumpkin pie (without offering to me at all), I asked for the check and pretty much took off running with dust cloud behind me.

And of course, I see him at the gym all the time now. And judging by his work out routines, he didn’t seem like he was suffering from back pain.

Tidyng up AF

I have been on a dating app called Chappy for a few years. It’s another dating app that is similar to Tinder, swiping right when the photo sparks joy. 

What I like most about Chappy is it’s only for gays and mostly into looking for a relationship rather than just “fun” like Grindr.

There have been many matches on Chappy for me and some that are actually responding to my messages. But, for most, it’s radio silence when I message them.

Too good to be true

We live in a time period which stories of bad guys doing bad things are constantly on the news. This creates “see something and say something” atmosphere and we are constantly on high alert.  But it often causes more of an irrational fear for the society to sniff out bad guys and miss out opportunities of good guys.

This applies to my dating world. When these experiences happen over and over again, I tend to develop a high alert to protect myself. One incident was when I thought I was video taped during some adult activities without my consent.  Read Stranger Danger

All day, every day, we encounter people who are strangers to us and trying to develop trusting relationships with people can be difficulty after these victimizing experiences. While I hope good things happen to me in my life, when it actually does, I get skeptical. And when things seem too good to be true, it actually is too good to be true.

About few months ago, I got a “tap” from Nathan on Grindr. He’s 27 with a clear face picture on his profile. I started to chat with him and he responded back fairly quickly. He even sent me more photos of his cute face. Though I was impressed that I can get cute guys too, one thought I had was ‘hot guys like him never massages me.’ We chatted for a bit and talked about meeting up. Then, he mentioned about getting assaulted in the past by someone he met on Grindr. He even sent me photos of his bruised legs. To make sure he can trust me and I don’t gay bash him or something, he asked me sign up for an online registration program by donating $2.

Singled out

About 4 years ago, I started chatting with Keegan on Grindr. He’s a cute white guy who is same age as me. It was pretty flirty and he sent me some dick pics voluntarily, which I did actually enjoy receiving. We sexted for months then lost touch.

A few months ago, I was at a gay bar. An Asian guy and a white guy walked in (sounds like a start of a cheesy joke) and sat right next to me. They were both cute and I started chatting with them. Turns out they live in my neighborhood and they are NOT a couple. But the white guy, Marshall, is married. They are friends who have been organizing an open studios event for neighborhood local artists and invited to Marshall’s husband’s art showing next month.

So I show up to this event last month and there was Marshall and his artist husband, Keegan. They, along with the rest of the gay couples everywhere, are in an open relationship.

It is so rare that I randomly talk to cute guys at a bar but when I do, I constantly pick someone who is already in a relationship and I am getting irritated that I am not even in one to consider being open. When I am on dating apps, at least half of the profiles are “married” and “open relationships.” And the singles are only looking for NSA hookups.

Am I a singled-out-single looking for another single guy to date? All the single ladies, put your hands up!

Connect to internet to be more disconnected from people

I just watched a movie called Her. It’s a romantic sci-fi drama film, written, directed, and produced by Spike Jonze. The main character, Theodore, develops a relationship with Samantha, an artificial intelligence through an operating system. He then loses interest when a mysterious existence became too much of a reality. Plus he was getting jealous of Samantha “seeing” other users. Love does make you do crazy things.

It is a bizarre story, yet it resonated with me, particularly with advancing technology for people to connect these days. For me, it started with AOL back around year 2000. Read the story about meeting Chris on AOL here: Fumbling towards Ecstasy.

Almost 20 years after Y2K threat, technology has advanced to instant message capabilities on a small little cellular phone that also has a system that follows your verbal instructions. Call me paranoid, but I think Siri listens to all my conversations and pulls ads on my social media feeds. But, I don’t want to contradict as I write my entire personal life stories on this blog for world to see.

Grindr, Scruff, Jack’d, Surge, Hornet, Chappy, Tinder, etc. are the now AOL, which allows you to instantly connect with other app users for dates, hook ups, and maybe even fall in love with an actual person, not an artificial intelligence that bitch Samantha.

Back in 2016, I chatted with this cute guy on Grindr. His name was Shaun, who was in his early 30’s white guy who worked in a local government office. We had a typical superficial chats with unsolicited dick pics from him. Then I decided to give him my number. He texted me and it got no where.

I want the WHOLE package, not just a package

Yesterday morning, I went to spin class and as soon I walked in to the locker room, I saw Baylor half naked and I tried my best to not do this:

I connected with Baylor about 3 years ago on Grindr. He is same age as me, white, sexy-bald head, short-stocky, physically fit type of a guy who can easily be mistaken for a bear. It started with a typical Grindr chat which included photo sharing. We also shared phone numbers and texted about sewing, which was a 180 turn from the chat we had on Grindr.

Wait, did he just say his boyfriend?!? He just slipped in there between fabric shopping and gayness of sewing. This was surprising yet not, given my track record of being only attracted to unavailable men. Regardless, we continued to flirt.

After the spin class yesterday, he invited me over to his place and we hung out for a bit. He talked about sewing and knitting and I pretended to listen as I was visualizing “sewing and knitting” him with my hands and my tongue. But I kept telling myself that I don’t want to get involved with unavailable men.  Nothing happened and I went home. As soon as I got home, I received a text from him.

I realized my hormones were highly activated after the spin class so I had to properly cool down from the intense work-out (and Baylor’s text messages). I clarified with Baylor about his relationship status which he and his boyfriend have an open relationship.

Even though sewing and kitting a cute boy once in a while can be fun, I want the whole outfit and the wardrobe. I am looking for the whole package of relationship which can include going to the gym together then having another sweaty work-out in bed afterwards.

Love chemistry

One night about 7 months ago, I was swiping impulsively on Tinder, hoping to hear a “brrrring” sound when a match happens.

After about 20 swipes, I matched with Landon. He is 30 years old, white guy who is a chemistry professor. Read about Aaron on Sexual Chemistry another chemistry professor I went out with long time ago.

Landon and I went to dinner one night and when I saw him in person, I noticed he is so much shorter than I had imagined. We went to a tapas restaurant and had the usual first date dialogue. Where are you from? how many siblings do you have? Where did you go to school? Where have you traveled to? We conversed in ways that seemed rehearsed as we were on a job interview. Typically if I like someone I have many questions about them, but I found myself not paying attention to him. Unless first date was absolutely horrible, I usually give everyone a second date to get to know them better.

Another missed connections

About two years ago, I connected with a guy on Grindr. His name is Lucas, who was visiting from NYC. A handsome tall white silver fox kind of a guy with a physique that resembles an athlete who never works out at the gym.

We exchanged phone numbers and following text messages took place.

That was it. For some reason, I lost interest, but I just Facebook stalked him. Turns out he’s pretty successful artist. Would it  be crazy if I friend requested him now?

Hoarding whore

To be honest, I absolutely hate rimming or getting rimmed. Though blow jobs are tolerable and anal sex is pleasurable, mouth to anus is just nasty. Sex, overall, is nasty but I just refuse to do a rim job.

Oh, gay cupid

I can confidently say I am not the only one who hates Valentine’s day. In my opinion, there is unrealistic pressure for a couple to show their love towards his/her partner by going out to the most expensive restaurant, buying chocolates, flowers and cards. It’s just too commercialized. I believe the best way to say I love you is through oral communication.. literally using words. See previous blogs about Valentine’s day: Fuck Valentine’s Day and St. Valentine vs. Buddha

About 5 years ago, I signed up for okcupid. As you might have read some of the dating stories, I had some good ones and some not so good ones. One of them was Frankie, whom I connected with around Valentine’s Day 2 years ago. Frankie is in his early 30’s, white, about my height with an attractive physique. He works in finance and had a charismatic confidence without arrogance. With the Valentine’s day crowd, it was impossible to go out to dinner. So we had coffee. We talked about his apple watch and all of his travels. Though he had very little questions about me, I felt good about our date and was feeling really reassured when text messages / sexting continued after the coffee date. I thought “finally, a cupid shot an arrow in me!”

I felt even more reassured when we became Facebook friends. Then, I noticed many mutual friends, including Sam. Read about Sam here: mom > BF.  Turns out Frankie and Sam dated long time ago. It’s always awkward to have these close associations. Gay community is just a big web of incestuous relationships.

Frankie and I kept in touch but did not remeet for another year, again coffee date around Valentines day. While we were sipping on our cafe lattes, he whispered that he wasn’t wearing underwear at the time. He also wanted to show me his cock ring. It went from apple watch and travel to Europe to this? Suddenly, I had a funny vision in my head, me kneeling down front of Frankie, proposing on Valentines day, but with a cock ring. In reality, I think he was proposing to hook up in the bathroom and I had a very different expectations because we met on okcupid, not Grindr.

So after 5 years and no fucking cupid’s arrow anywhere, I made a decision to kill the fucking cupid! I deleted Tinder few weeks ago, I deleted Grindr last week, and now okcupid.. deleted!

For the rest of the year, I am going to try something different by not relying on these cyberspace socialization. Although, sexting with Frankie will continue on. Perhaps I will hook up with him on Valentine’s day this year.