Singled out

About 4 years ago, I started chatting with Keegan on Grindr. He’s a cute white guy who is same age as me. It was pretty flirty and he sent me some dick pics voluntarily, which I did actually enjoy receiving. We sexted for months then lost touch.

Few months ago, I was at a gay bar. An Asian guy and a white guy walked in (sounds like a start of a cheesy joke) and sat right next to me. They were both cute and I started chatting with them. Turns out they live in my neighborhood and they are NOT a couple. But white guy, Marshall, is married. They are friends who have been organizing an open studios event for neighborhood local artists and invited to Marshall’s husband’s art showing next month.

So I show up to this event last month and there was Marshall and his artist husband, Keegan. They, along with rest of the gay couples all over, are in an open relationship.

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It is so rare that I randomly talk to cute guys at a bar but when I do, I constantly pick someone who is already in a relationship and I am getting irritated that I am not even in one to consider being open. When I am on the dating apps, at least half of the profiles are “married” and “open relationships.” And the singles are only looking for NSA hook-ups.

Am I a singled-out-single looking for another single guy to date? All the single ladies, put your hands up!

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Asian American vs Asian Asian

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May is Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month. Asians in America have come a long way when it comes to tolerance but continues struggle with acceptance in this white-dominant society.

Regardless, GLBT rights are much stronger in US than Asian countries. Currently, no Asian countries allow same sex couples to legally marry. Many other countries through Europe and Africa legalized same sex marriage and it has been almost a year since the U.S. Supreme Court ruled to legalize same-sex marriage. Read Divorce Equality Too my response to that.  

While it is great to have freedom in this country, I also feel like gays abuse that freedom to the extreme. Most of the gay couples who are married have open marriage. I guess as long as two people in a relationship are in complete agreement with sex outside of marriage. But, my personal values have a conflicting view with the concept of open marriage. Some argue it only helps the relationship to last, which is what Kyle told me when I met him.

Just about a year ago, I met Kyle at a bar. He is in his late 30’s, short, stocky, a cub type.

He is married (to a guy) and they live in New York City. Kyle travels for work and was in town for two days. We had a great conversation and I found his bitchy-sarcastic humor strangely attractive. As we exited the bar, we kissed in the middle of the street which was an invitation to his hotel room where he gave be an amazing BJ (probably best one ever I received).

While I know he and his husband have an agreement, I felt little bit guilty. I also hate being the “other woman.” We stayed in touch and even became Facebook friends, which gave me a great opportunity to Facebook stalk his husband. It made me even more confused because the husband is so attractive. Why would they need to find alternative partners if they have something so great?

I do think Asian Americans acculturate themselves in America but many still hold on to their traditional family values. Gosh, I sound like a total prude.