Trick or trick?

Halloween is just around the corner and so are the children in customs and parents buying candy.  Many of my friends who have children are super busy preparing and I’ve never been thrilled about it. I am the one who turn off the lights to avoid the tricker-treaters come over begging candy. 

Amongst the people at the store buying candy is Jack, a guy I hooked up with around Halloween of last year. Jack is in his mid 40s who lives in my neighborhood. We chatted up on Skruff many years ago and decided to meet up one night. Turns out he is married (to a man) and they adopted 2 children. Like every other couple, they were in an open relationship. He explained “It works very very well. We are totally open and honest with one another and to be honest I think it spices things up for our relationship as well.” They have played together but mostly separately. Which is what Jack and I did. 

Jack invited to me his house. His husband and children were staying at a temporary place while their kitchen is being renovated. Despite their “openess”, I was nervous and still felt like I was doing something unkind. My friends joke that I am a home-wrecker for constantly hooking up or flirting with guys in relationships, but they have mostly been in open relationships…. or least that I know of. Read about my first and only threesome experience, 3-3, and Keegan Singled Out.

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Singled out

About 4 years ago, I started chatting with Keegan on Grindr. He’s a cute white guy who is same age as me. It was pretty flirty and he sent me some dick pics voluntarily, which I did actually enjoy receiving. We sexted for months then lost touch.

Few months ago, I was at a gay bar. An Asian guy and a white guy walked in (sounds like a start of a cheesy joke) and sat right next to me. They were both cute and I started chatting with them. Turns out they live in my neighborhood and they are NOT a couple. But white guy, Marshall, is married. They are friends who have been organizing an open studios event for neighborhood local artists and invited to Marshall’s husband’s art showing next month.

So I show up to this event last month and there was Marshall and his artist husband, Keegan. They, along with rest of the gay couples all over, are in an open relationship.

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It is so rare that I randomly talk to cute guys at a bar but when I do, I constantly pick someone who is already in a relationship and I am getting irritated that I am not even in one to consider being open. When I am on the dating apps, at least half of the profiles are “married” and “open relationships.” And the singles are only looking for NSA hook-ups.

Am I a singled-out-single looking for another single guy to date? All the single ladies, put your hands up!

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divorce equality too

For the month of June, LGBTQ communities throughout the world have been celebrating pride. This weekend was even more proud when Supreme Court ruled to allow all 50 states to legalize gay marriage. Rainbow was literally exploding everywhere.

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However, the definition of marriage seems so subjective. There is a legal definition and religious definition. There is also a personal value to what marriage means to two in a relationship. On 04.12.2015 blog, I briefly talked about open relationships being a norm in gay culture. I know this because I hooked up with 3 guys, Rob, Scott, and Eric. Each of them were married (to guys).

About 3 years ago, I met Rob through a friend, Sam, (whom I was whine-wine’ing with from 04.05.2015 blog On my own), when Rob and his husband of 16 years had us over to their brand new condo. They lived in a high rise flat with an amazing skyline view of the city from their balcony, where we had dinner cooked by Rob’s husband. So there I am, sitting at a gorgeous balcony with a gorgeous view, eating on a gorgeous table setting, prepared by gorgeous guys.

Few months later, Rob invited me over to his place again. He was home alone. It was awkward, but we had sex and I somewhat regretted it. Later that year, I learned that he and his husband divorced. Since, Rob found another boyfriend and now married for the second time.

I met Scott through another friend at a bar few years ago. The Scarlet Letter still 5Scott was very flirty and I was very attracted to him. I certainly enjoyed the attention until he told me that he was getting married in one week and I thought ‘damn it, all the good ones are taken.’ Scott and I had a chance to spent some time together for few months and he came over to my place one night. He became physically flirty and as we begin to kiss, I thought ‘can I possibly be in a relationship with him?’ He probably heard my thoughts because he paused at one point. He explained he and his husband were in an open marriage. Few months after that, I bumped into Scott at a party and he introduced me to his husband. The entire time at the party, I felt like I was Demi Moore wearing a red letter A on my chest. Scott and his husband recently separated and I still question myself ‘can I possibly being a relationship with him?’

rs_464x749-150224155903-634-2calvin-harris-malibuLast year, I met Eric through another friend. Eric has the most amazing body ever. He has that sexy V obliques. I couldn’t resist when he suggested to hang out at our place. With Eric, I knew he and his husband were in an open relationship. Because I only had physical attraction to Eric, so having sex with him was not as awkward.

Also, read Keep it in the Closet blog from 04.19.2015, which was about the str8 married guy whom I hooked up with.

With these experiences, I wonder if there is a such thing as happily married ever after. Or is marriage a constant efforts by two people to survive in the relationship? I personally value monogamy, especially if I am married. If I was in a relationship that is open, perhaps relationship is not ready for marriage. Half of married couples in US divorce. Now gays can get married anywhere in US, I wonder what the divorce rate will be like.

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