I have been on a dating app called Chappy for a few years. It’s another dating app that is similar to Tinder, swiping right when the photo sparks joy.
What I like most about Chappy is it’s only for gays and mostly into looking for a relationship rather than just “fun” like Grindr.
There have been many matches on Chappy for me and some that are actually responding to my messages. But, for most, it’s radio silence when I message them.
One match was Mac, a 26-year-old fashion designer, cub’ish type with beautiful blue eyes, which contrasted well with his dark hair. He, like the rest of the gays these days, has facial hair that made his appearance age incongruent as his actual age. But I am trying to not judge.
Mac and I messaged each other for several days. It was more than “Hi. How are you?” “Good and you?” which seems to be the extent of conversations with most people on these apps. Mac and I even exchanged phone numbers and agreed to meet for drinks on a Sunday evening. I declined other social events I was invited to, spent all Sunday morning getting ready for the cocktail date. Mac offered to pick me up at 5 PM. At 4:50 PM, he messaged me to cancel, but rescheduled to dinner next night. I was disappointed and frustrated because I had another plan with co-workers the next evening. So I chose a venue close by, in case he cancels again, I can continue to hang out with my co-workers.
So, next night, an hour before dinner reservations, he messaged me to cancel saying he’s not feeling well. Having dates flake out last minute or even not showing up at all is all too familiar for me, unfortunately.
Read Mom > BF about a date who never showed up to dinner because he fell asleep and read Why did the rooster cross the road? another date who never showed up and never heard back from him ever again. (maybe he died? I still don’t know).
When Mac canceled that dinner plan, I could have sent him an angry FUCK YOU response.
Instead, I replied “Sorry to hear. hope you feel better.” My co-workers and I ended up having dinner at the restaurant I made reservations at, so it was a fun night despite Mac’s inconsiderate dating etiquette.
Now, many can relate that these dating apps and technologies have created monsters as it provides opportunities for people to be inconsiderate without having to do it face-to-face. I have been broken up on emails and text messages.
Read On My Own about a guy I dated who dumped me via text.
and read red hair + bad red wine = bad date. about a guy who dumped me via email. Now, both of these guys I still see around all the time.
As I was going through all the matches on the Chappy app, which is over 100, there are so few who actually makes effort to connect and those who do I lose interest. As I review these matches and reflect dates (or so little of), I get more discouraged and hopeless, particularly when the Valentine’s Day advertisements are blowing up in my face every corner I turn. Chappy was not sparking joy. So I fucking deleted it.