I want the WHOLE package, not just a package

Yesterday morning, I went to spin class and as soon I walked in to the locker room, I saw Baylor half naked and I tried my best to not do this:

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I connected with Baylor about 3 years ago on Grindr. He is same age as me, white, sexy-bald head, short-stocky, physically fit type of a guy who can easily be mistaken for a bear. It started with a typical Grindr chat which included photo sharing. We also shared phone numbers and texted about sewing, which was a 180 turn from the chat we had on Grindr.

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Wait, did he just say his boyfriend?!? He just slipped in there between fabric shopping and gayness of sewing. This was surprising yet not, given my track record of being only attracted to unavailable men. Regardless, we continued to flirt.

After the spin class yesterday, he invited me over to his place and we hung out for a bit. He talked about sewing and knitting and I pretended to listen as I was visualizing “sewing and knitting” him with my hands and my tongue. But I kept telling myself that I don’t want to get involved with unavailable men.  Nothing happened and I went home. As soon as I got home, I received a text from him.

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I realized my hormones were highly activated after the spin class so I had to properly cool down from the intense work-out (and Baylor’s text messages). I clarified with Baylor about his relationship status which he and his boyfriend have an open relationship.

Even though sewing and kitting a cute boy once in a while can be fun, I want the whole outfit and the wardrobe. I am looking for the whole package of relationship which can include going to the gym together then having another sweaty work-out in bed afterwards.

Oh, gay cupid

I can confidently say I am not the only one who hates Valentine’s day. In my opinion, there is unrealistic pressure for a couple to show their love towards his/her partner by going out to the most expensive restaurant, buying chocolates, flowers and cards. It’s just too commercialized. I believe the best way to say I love you is through oral communication.. literally using words. See previous blogs about Valentine’s day: Fuck Valentine’s Day and St. Valentine vs. Buddha

About 5 years ago, I signed up for okcupid. As you might have read some of the dating stories, I had some good ones and some not so good ones. One of them was Frankie, whom I connected with around Valentine’s Day 2 years ago. Frankie is in his early 30’s, white, about my height with an attractive physique. He works in finance and had a charismatic confidence without arrogance. With the Valentine’s day crowd, it was impossible to go out to dinner. So we had coffee. We talked about his apple watch and all of his travels. Though he had very little questions about me, I felt good about our date and was feeling really reassured when text messages / sexting continued after the coffee date. I thought “finally, a cupid shot an arrow in me!”

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I felt even more reassured when we became Facebook friends. Then, I noticed many mutual friends, including Sam. Read about Sam here: mom > BF.  Turns out Frankie and Sam dated long time ago. It’s always awkward to have these close associations. Gay community is just a big web of incestuous relationships.

Frankie and I kept in touch but did not remeet for another year, again coffee date around Valentines day. While we were sipping on our cafe lattes, he whispered that he wasn’t wearing underwear at the time. He also wanted to show me his cock ring. It went from apple watch and travel to Europe to this? Suddenly, I had a funny vision in my head, me kneeling down front of Frankie, proposing on Valentines day, but with a cock ring. In reality, I think he was proposing to hook up in the bathroom and I had a very different expectations because we met on okcupid, not Grindr.

So after 5 years and no fucking cupid’s arrow anywhere, I made a decision to kill the fucking cupid! I deleted Tinder few weeks ago, I deleted Grindr last week, and now okcupid.. deleted!

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For the rest of the year, I am going to try something different by not relying on these cyberspace socialization. Although, sexting with Frankie will continue on. Perhaps I will hook up with him on Valentine’s day this year. 

Hide and Seek

Sam is a close friend of mine who has been there during crisis, literally he was there when I was dumped by Bryan. Read more about that here: on my ownAlso, Sam introduced me many guys, even if they were married. Read about Rob here: divorce equality too.

About 4 years ago, Sam wanted to set me up with his boyfriend’s friend, Hunter. So, Sam, Sam’s boyfriend, Hunter, Hunter’s friend, and I went to a bar for drinks one evening. Hunter is a white guy in his mid 30s’ who is a high school teacher. He is tall and slender, probably one of those people who are slim without making any effort. He also had a great smile. He had a face that seemed familiar like I met him before, but couldn’t really put my finger on. I found him incredibly kind and sweet. However, I didn’t find him physically attractive. I think I spent most of the evening talking to Hunter’s friend more than Hunter. Hunter and I exchanged phone numbers but we never connected after that evening. I told Sam that I wasn’t interested in Hunter, which is too bad because he really was a nice guy.

Earlier this week, I ran into Hunter at the gym.

Continue reading

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Shortly after I met Fred  (from last week’s blog awkward first date 2), I met Henry, also on match.com. (I sound like a match.com slut). He is 2 years younger than me, white, tall, with a cute smile. He described himself as a smart, loyal, honest guy with a great sense of humor. He enjoys outdoors and traveling. They are all great qualities I appreciate in a guy.

He also said in his profile: “I try to always be considerate but I know I put my foot in my mouth sometimes.” Based on Fred’s foot fetish situation, I hesitated to contact him, but I did.

We both had interest in art (he majored art history in college) so for our first date, Henry and I went to a local art gallery then to a tapas restaurant. We had a great conversation and I definitely felt the connection. Well, at least I thought I did but after 3 dates, I received this email from Henry:

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This is a familiar experience after Luke, whom I also met on match.com, broke up with me via email. See blog from May 24, red hair + bad red wine = bad date

I didn’t respond to Henry’s email and obviously we didn’t speak after that… Until I ran into him at a bar with Sam (See mom > BF to read about Sam)  Turns out Sam and Henry are friends.

It’s always awkward to run into people who rejected you and I now have two of them standing front of me. I wanted to be courageous so I went up to both of them to say hi. Sam greeted me immediately. And as I was saying hello, Henry introduced himself to me with a hand shake like we are meeting for the very first time.

“Hi, I’m Henry.” 

“Yes. We met before.” I am still shaking his hand awkwardly and thought maybe he didn’t want to say hi front of Sam.

“Oh… how did we meet?” Henry asked me. 

“Um, it was a while ago.”

“Where did we meet? Did we meet through someone?” Henry still had no clue.

“Well, we met …. um…., we went out on dates before and you dumped me.”

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“I am going to shut up now.”

“Yes, you should.” Then I walked away abruptly.

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Oh, and every time I go on Facebook, Henry shows up on People You May Know.

I gave up match.com after Henry because I was unmatched with these thee guys: The coupon queen, Quiero el romance, & Ruuuuude. Hello Grindr! 

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awkward first date 2

“I’m looking for a real relationship, a life partner, hopefully someone I will grow old with. I’m very sensitive, caring and passionate. I want to be able to hold my partner’s hand every time we walk. I also have a strong sex drive (I’m a bottom).”

I saw this profile on match.com about 5 years ago and contacted him immediately. His name is Fred, who is one year older than me, French guy who got tired of manhunt.com and decided to try match.com to find his match.

For our first date, he picked me up in his Corvette, which I wasn’t really into. He was definitely into how fast he could go. This was clear when he started to race with another car on a highway. It didn’t seem sensitive, caring or passionate as he described in his profile. I was glad that we arrived at our destination, still alive and intact.

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We went to a park near water which was more romantic atmosphere than in his Corvette. It was a warm sunny day and we got all comfy on the grass. He was comfortable enough to ask about how much money I made. Last week I wrote about 3 topics of avoid during a first date (see awkward first date). Job salary should be 4th.

At this point, Fred hasn’t made a good impression and I kept looking for a positive quality he described in his profile. One thing he was right about was a strong sex drive. He asked about my sexual interests and was very open about his foot fetish. I realize I am bit boring when it comes to sexuality, but It got even weirder when he asked me to show my feet out in public. He should have said “I want to be able to hold my partner’s foot every time we walk” in his match.com profile. That would have been more clear description.

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Despite my rule of giving everyone second chance after first date, Fred was disqualified from that rule.

Stranger Danger

Typically, main subject of my blogs are relationships and parallel process to my life. Today, I want to switch gears a little, but don’t worry, it will have a reference point of a sexual encounter.

This week for the first time in my life, I was a victim of a crime. When I came home from work, I realized my apartment was broken into. Few replaceable items were stolen, including my laptop. It was a good excuse to buy a new one (which I am using it now), but all the drafts of my gaysiandating stories to be posted were lost. This is another reason I had to blog about something else today.

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Sex and the City fans! Remember the episode when Carrie’s laptop crashed and everyone kept asking her if she backed up. Well, I don’t do that.

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They also went through underwear drawers.

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Yes I post very personal and private stories on the world wide web for anyone to enter and read, but a complete stranger entering my home and taking them without consent is an epic violation.

Last time I felt violated was when I hooked up with a guy who possibly videotaped me unknowingly. When I was in college, I went to a divey gay bar, which the owner, Chris, had a special interest me. This was a bonus for me since I got free drinks all night. By the time the bar was closed, there were only the bartenders and the DJ at the place, with the music still blasting. Chris came up to dance with me and next thing I know, my shirt was off as he rubbed my body. My shirt always stays on in public unless I am at the beach or at the pool. I felt bit uncomfortable and vulnerable.

Chris took me to his place, which is an impressive house. Clearly, he was into Asian stuff, judging by entire collection of Asian antiques. It looked like he hoarded an entire section from Pier One Imports.

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Fast forwarding to his bedroom (again lots of oriental furnitures) he started to give me a BJ. He paused for a minute, then went by the TV and I noticed a camera. I didn’t quite see what he did as I laid naked on his oriental bedding. But afterwards, I asked him if he recorded us and he denied.

I had so many mixed emotions about this. I enjoyed the fact that I hooked up with a gay bar owner, which lead to an irrational belief of power and status. I can blame my immaturity given I was about 20 at the time. At the same time, I also felt powerless and vulnerable. He might had a personal image of me in his possession without my knowledge.

After being burglarized, it also made me wonder about trusting anyone I meet for the first time. Although I like to believe that everyone is innocent until proven guilty, this experience increased my skepticism about people in general. My guard is definitely more up to secure myself.

How do we develop trust in people we date? They are practically strangers, yet we leave doors wide open for them to enter. We take risks for love until heart is stolen from us. Then we install alarm system to protect us.

BTW, the police officer who came to my apartment to file a report was HOT! I definitely will let him to my place anytime.

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