Taking a chance for romance

Play this song as you read. Believe me, it helps.

While I was in NOLA with Dylan (read about him here: Jazz it up), I was thinking about one of my favorite books, Density of Souls, by Christopher Rice, who is Anne Rice’s son and gay. It’s love story about a gay teenager in high school in New Orleans and friendships with twist and turns, involving a romance with a friend. While I was in NOLA, I tried to picture some of the scenes from the book.

Interesting twist and turn happened for me that same week, I went to Florida after hanging out with Dylan in NOLA. It was mainly to chill by the beach but also to spend some time with Russell, whom I connected with on Tinder in January.

Russell is in his 30s who recently became single after a 7 year relationship. He is an elementary school teacher, into fitness, books, and animals (he has a cat and a bearded dragon). After a mutual swipe right match on Tinder, we kept in touch for two months via FaceTime. I find his sense of humor charming, not to mention his cute smile.

So, I arrived at the airport in Florida, about 10 minutes earlier than scheduled. Russell was going to pick me up from the airport, but he was not there. I called him but he didn’t answer the phone. For a moment, I was worried about being catfished, which I thought about it before the trip so I had planned to stay in a hotel in case that happened. Luckily he did call back after about 10 minutes.

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Immediately, we went out to dinner, which turned into bar hopping. Maybe it was all the beers from New Orleans still in my blood stream or the Florida heat, but I got drunk very quickly. At the end of the night, Russell and I were making out in the middle of the street. Public display of affection is not my thing but I really enjoyed it.

Next day, we walked around the beach and had dinner by the water. After dinner, we got a bottle of wine and sat in the courtyard of the hotel I stayed in. It was a beautiful breezy evening and I had my Spotify playlist of my favorite songs on.

We surveyed about each other intensely. Turns out we had many common interests. We both like same musicals and we both like cheesy rom-com movies. He is a total book worm and I asked him what his favorite book was. His response was Christopher Rice’s Density of Souls. Out of all the books he has read, this was his favorite and I was just thinking about that book few days before. “Fade in you” By Mazzy Star was playing.

Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the music, but I felt the butterflies in my stomach as I thought to myself ‘Is Russell is my soul mate?’

I returned home next day. Russell and I never agreed to anything, we both knew that we were not in a place (physically) and time to be in a relationship. 

For the first few days after I got home, I still had the butterflies in my stomach. But he became more distant than usual. We were already far apart physically, but his response to my text messages were less and less and he didn’t answer to my FaceTime calls.

Even though it turned out less than what I had hoped and I didn’t have any expectations going to Florida. Overall, I feel good about taking a chance.

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Sink or Swim?

Last week, I wrote about Dylan, a Tinder date that actually went well compared to many others. Read about Dylan here: Jazz it up. But Dylan is a rare situation. One of failed Tinder connection is, Richard, whom I connected with while I was vacationing in Orlando last year. After a swipe right match, we chatted for every day for about a week.

Richard is a white guy, in his mid 30’s, who was born in Mississippi but lived all over the world. He is currently in graduate school in Orlando. He is a long distance runner and a certified scuba diver. He was impressed with my photos, which consisted of me doing various active things like road races, attempting to water ski, zip lining, and body surfing in the pacific ocean when I went to Mexico. (see the story about Mexico trip here: como te gusta mi pinga )

Richard wanted to FaceTime and he got even hotter when I heard his Aussie accent. Apparently, Australia is one of the places he lived for a long period. I wanted to keep swiping the screen right when I was talking to him.

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Oh, gay cupid

I can confidently say I am not the only one who hates Valentine’s day. In my opinion, there is unrealistic pressure for a couple to show their love towards his/her partner by going out to the most expensive restaurant, buying chocolates, flowers and cards. It’s just too commercialized. I believe the best way to say I love you is through oral communication.. literally using words. See previous blogs about Valentine’s day: Fuck Valentine’s Day and St. Valentine vs. Buddha

About 5 years ago, I signed up for okcupid. As you might have read some of the dating stories, I had some good ones and some not so good ones. One of them was Frankie, whom I connected with around Valentine’s Day 2 years ago. Frankie is in his early 30’s, white, about my height with an attractive physique. He works in finance and had a charismatic confidence without arrogance. With the Valentine’s day crowd, it was impossible to go out to dinner. So we had coffee. We talked about his apple watch and all of his travels. Though he had very little questions about me, I felt good about our date and was feeling really reassured when text messages / sexting continued after the coffee date. I thought “finally, a cupid shot an arrow in me!”

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I felt even more reassured when we became Facebook friends. Then, I noticed many mutual friends, including Sam. Read about Sam here: mom > BF.  Turns out Frankie and Sam dated long time ago. It’s always awkward to have these close associations. Gay community is just a big web of incestuous relationships.

Frankie and I kept in touch but did not remeet for another year, again coffee date around Valentines day. While we were sipping on our cafe lattes, he whispered that he wasn’t wearing underwear at the time. He also wanted to show me his cock ring. It went from apple watch and travel to Europe to this? Suddenly, I had a funny vision in my head, me kneeling down front of Frankie, proposing on Valentines day, but with a cock ring. In reality, I think he was proposing to hook up in the bathroom and I had a very different expectations because we met on okcupid, not Grindr.

So after 5 years and no fucking cupid’s arrow anywhere, I made a decision to kill the fucking cupid! I deleted Tinder few weeks ago, I deleted Grindr last week, and now okcupid.. deleted!

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For the rest of the year, I am going to try something different by not relying on these cyberspace socialization. Although, sexting with Frankie will continue on. Perhaps I will hook up with him on Valentine’s day this year. 

Why did the cock cross the road?

I went to a Lunar New Year Party last night. All of my gaysian friends gathered to celebrate by eating tons of food and drinking wine. It’s a bonus to be an Asian to celebrate new year twice a year. 

I don’t usually do new year resolutions, but I am thinking about what I can do differently this year. As I was accompanied by nine Asian-white happy couples at the party, I decided that this year I will not focus much on dating. This is after another frustrating dating experience I had earlier this week.

I have been on Tinder for a while and there are 242 matches on my list, which barely anyone chats. Most of them are into the game of swiping rather than actually chatting with people. I did connect with one guy, Patrick, almost year ago and not only we chatted, we actually swapped phone numbers to exchange silly humor texts, which lead to innocent flirty texts with some G-rated photos. He is 10 years younger than me, super short, like 5’5”, and an adorable smile. Despite the momentum of flirty texts, Patrick ghosted.

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About 2 weeks ago, I accidentally texted Patrick when I was trying to text a friend with the same name, asking what he was doing for the weekend. 

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Need to make a deposit

My friends and I went out bowling last night, which was a lot of fun. We then noticed that most of the people were young college kids to mid 20’s. We were surrounded by hetros and they are always cute to look at. I think girls always say “why are all cute guys gay?” and I ask the same about straight guys.

Speaking of straight guys in 20’s, last time I had a fun with a boy was with a straight guy in his early 20’s whom I connected on Tinder. Well, not entirely straight and he described himself as “bicurious.” He is white, cute, dark hair and a physique of a guy who seemed naturally muscular without lifting any weights. He sent me his cock pics and wanted to come over.

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Come out and play

Today is National Coming Out Day. I have been out of closet since high school. First people I told was my family’s man-maids when I was in high school. See my first blog, It DOES get better about that story. Then I came out to my high school best friend. Shortly after that, he came out to me as well. See Bros befo’ hoes about that story.

Although I had a realization about my sexuality when I was a teenager, I still struggled to fully accept for some time as a young adult. Now, 20 years since admitting to myself that I am gay, I am happy to be a part of queer culture. And so many historical events occurred for gay community for the past 20 years. People are more accepting in general. But homophobia still lingers. Just ask Kim Davis.

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This makes some people to still stay in closet. About a year ago, I met David on Tinder, which is probably a safe way for closeted guys to meet other guys. David who is in his early 40’s, who was once married, was just coming out of closet.  We chatted for several weeks and I asked him out for a lunch date. He is white, few inches shorter than me, bald, with an average build. He worked in a major financial firm and met me during his lunch break in his sexy business suit. He had a great smile and I was easily attracted to him.

For second date, we went to dinner and he invited me over to his beautiful loft after dinner. After a glass of wine, we started to make out on this couch then went up on the loft bed. It overlooked the city and the night sky was so sexy. 

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David paused at one point and told me I was the first guy being intimate with. I was somewhat uncomfortable with this. It felt like a big pressure for me to be the first person he was going to lose his gay sex virginity to. We stopped and just cuddled to look out the window. But I was willing to take the relationship slow to see where it goes.

The following week, he was going to travel of out of country for few weeks, so I waited until he came back to call him. But David never called me back.

I felt rejected but I realized David and I are in very different places in life. He wasn’t comfortable with being in a gay scene. For me, surrounding myself with gays is not only comfortable but important. If David and I were together, he would have not been comfortable to go to gay bars or hang out with my gay friends.

Also, read Keep it in the closet about Zach, a married guy I used to hook up with. National-Coming-Out-Day-1024x273