If I ever lose my faith again

Happy new year!

You might have noticed that I did not blog the entire year of 2020. My blog is about dating experiences, and I was at a point that I didn’t have any more stories to write. Being single can be challenging, especially when you’re the only single person in my social circle. 

On New Year Day of 2020, I went out to a bunch with my friends. I was the only person at the table without a partner. I complained about this throughout brunch, and jokingly (maybe half-jokingly), I expressed my deep sense of hate towards my friends about my single-hood. It was a hot topic during the brunch. But I felt better to start the new year with my friends who wanted just as much I wanted, maybe even more, to be in a relationship. Or it could have been the buzz from several mimosas. 

When we were about to cash out for the boozy brunch, the server went around the table to split up the bill per couple. When it was my turn to pay the bill, she asked, “Are you alone?” 

---

2020 started with this for me, and I think most can agree that 2020 was a strange year. Pandemic, racial injustice protests, the presidential election, and so many hurricanes that they ran out of names. 2020 was awful AF.

Maybe it was in the cards…. tarot cards. Towards the end of 2019, I went to a tarot card reader. The last time I had tarot cards read was on a date, and it did not go well. Read about that story here: Psychic vs. Psychologist. 

This time was no different. As I asked the tarot card the question of “how will I find joy again?” Wiley, the tarot card reader from South African with a beautiful accent, was a bit taken aback by my intense question. As he nervously shuffled the deck of tarot cards, he accidentally knocked my glass of wine on the table, shattering the glass and spilling the wine. He was completely distraught as he explained that shattered glass is bad luck. He quickly took out a whole new deck of tarot cards as he suggested we start over. 

The reading actually went well. The cards showed geese, swords, and multiple coins. He explained that geese indicate my past was good, and a sword represents conflict as it is used to split things. Coins represented good fortune or inner strengths. The message was to reflect positive childhood and inner strength, which will help me answer my question of how I can find joy again. This message was similar to my ayahuasca experience a few years ago. Read about that here: He has risen!

The Tarot card did not give me a gratifying answer to my question, but it did remind me to reflect on all the good things. 

The reason I didn’t blog all year in 2020 was, well…. I stopped dating. I stopped dating because I am in a relationship and married. Yes. Me. Married. This was a shock to many and even for myself. Just when I was losing faith in the world and hope of being in a relationship, I met someone amazing.  

It was early February. Tinder Match that progressed to something I cannot even describe. All the resentment I had towards the people who said to me, “it will happen when least expected,” now I understand this. 

I started this blog in 2015 to journal my dating experience as a single, gay, Asian, cig-gender male who is looking for an LTR. As you might have read, I had many, many dates, good and bad, but none that stuck to say “I do.” In some ways, I was comfortable with single life but mostly hopeless romantic.

The other way, I watched a Pixar film, Soul. Why do Pixar films, even though it’s animation, always bring up deep emotions. The film tells a story about an existential crisis. We have limited time on this earth, and often we spend so much time with anger, sorrow, disappointment, and resentment. It was another reminder to enjoy every moment that brings us joy. It echoed the messages I received during my ayahuasca ceremony and tarot card reading. 

Though 2020 was a terrible year, falling in love is what I will remember the most.

And here is to 2021. Much more to come!

Also read about Antonio, religious Brazilian guy I dated long time ago: If I ever lose my faith.

Happy birthday to Jesus!

I hope everyone had wonderful holidays. I think holidays can be sometimes more difficult than fun. I always have good intention to start Christmas shopping early then all the sudden it’s few weeks before Christmas and with rise in online shopping, packages are either delayed or stolen from the front porch. I know that it’s more about joy of giving, but it is more annoying to receive something I don’t need or want, as it take up space I already don’t have. Not to mention seeing families and relatives you don’t care for to avoid the discussions around politics. 

Regardless, happy birthday to Jesus!

I think I met a gay’ish Jesus earlier this year when I went to a music festival. It resembled smaller scale of the Burning Man, but without burning anything but instead, lots of glitter.  The diversity was beyond the stretch of possibilities and being a gay man seemed really boring as majority were sexually-fluid, gender-bending, non-binary, and queer with capital Q. 

I was dancing in my rainbow meggings and LED lit sneaks. Behind me was a cute guy with a Jesus-looking long brown hair, also wearing a pair of meggings with laser cat prints. He praised my outfit which led to innocent flirtations. Derek was in his late 20’s who worked at a wood shop so I guess just like Jesus, who was a carpenter. While I was chatting with him, he seemed nervous and awkward, though it is very possible that he was on drugs. But we carried on a conversation for a while but despite physical attractions, he was not as engaging as I wanted to. I might be bit judgmental at times, but Derek seemed like a comic-con type of guy who enjoys costume parties. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was into furries.

The time I was sexiled by my crush.

As human beings, we all want to be loved. While we search for loving connections, dating can be a roller coaster with the destination being the sense of belonging. We go on a while love roller coaster ride, hitting many ups an lows, thrills and fear, knowing there is an end to the ride. Though the seatbelt keeps us safe, often we experience heart aches. Some can’t wait to get on another roller coaster while someone are forever traumatized and will never get on any roller coasters again.

I experienced many disappointments along the way. When I start to develop feelings for someone and they don’t have the mutual feeling, I immediately perceive that as a rejection. But I am also an equal offender and have been the heart breaker. Read Sexual Chemistry 2 about Paul.

About 5 years ago, I matched with a guy named Eddy on Tinder. He same age as me with otter physique and beautiful eyes behind geeky glasses, all of which I am most attracted to.

Over the years, we hung out in large social settings, either hanging out his friends or vice versa. Few years ago, two circles of our friends joined when a small group of us from each circle went on a trip together.I decided to share a hotel room (and a bed) with Eddy. 

As we consume a large amount of alcohol consumption at the local gay club, as any gays would, I danced with Eddy in a fashion that will make everyone assume we will hook up. Of course we made out too. At one point between a pee break and getting more drinks at the bar, I couldn’t find Eddy. My first instinct was to look for him but I also wanted to just have fun with my friends too. Few hours went by, I gave up on search of Eddy and went back to the hotel. The last thing I expected was Eddy in “our” bed of the hotel room, having sex with someone. I am not sure if he realized I walked in the room but he didn’t stop. Maybe I had the option to join for a ménage à trois, but I was really bothered by this. I stormed out of the room, feeling rejected. I was sexiled by my crush and I was crushed. After being sexiled out of my own hotel room, I found a haven in my friend’s room to sleep for the night.

Trick or trick?

Halloween is just around the corner and so are the children in customs and parents buying candy.  Many of my friends who have children are super busy preparing and I’ve never been thrilled about it. I am the one who turn off the lights to avoid the tricker-treaters come over begging candy. 

Amongst the people at the store buying candy is Jack, a guy I hooked up with around Halloween of last year. Jack is in his mid 40s who lives in my neighborhood. We chatted up on Skruff many years ago and decided to meet up one night. Turns out he is married (to a man) and they adopted 2 children. Like every other couple, they were in an open relationship. He explained “It works very very well. We are totally open and honest with one another and to be honest I think it spices things up for our relationship as well.” They have played together but mostly separately. Which is what Jack and I did. 

Jack invited to me his house. His husband and children were staying at a temporary place while their kitchen is being renovated. Despite their “openess”, I was nervous and still felt like I was doing something unkind. My friends joke that I am a home-wrecker for constantly hooking up or flirting with guys in relationships, but they have mostly been in open relationships…. or least that I know of. Read about my first and only threesome experience, 3-3, and Keegan Singled Out.

Bored AF

Few weeks ago, my iPhone just stopped working for absolutely no reason. Despite multiple trouble shooting strategies like power cycle, download the new iOS, and calling it some names that starts with F and S, nothing worked. I was going to take it to the Apple store, which required me to make an appointment and the first available was not until the next day. For the next 24 hours, I had no LTE or data to use apps like Uber, Lyft, Spotify or any social medias to feed on. I felt completely lost and disconnected from the world.

I don’t think I am the only one who believes Apple purposely programs the iPhones to stop working around the time when the new iPhone comes out. Of course, this does not stop me from buying a new one and I pre-ordered the iPhone 11. 

It almost feels impossible to navigate this world now without a smart phone. It’s also a tool to socialize even if we’re in presence of each other. Last weekend, I was at a party and at one point there are about 4-5 small groups of 2-3 people with one cell phone out showing either photos, Facebook pages, or website of some sort to talk about. 

We are constantly bombarded with feeds, alerts, and notifications on our cell phones. Even this blog post might be coming up on your feeds, alerts, and notifications. We are so addicted to the instant gratification to scratch our boredom itch. It’s not unusual to watch TV while scrolling through social media feeds.

I went out with a guy earlier this year with a guy named Felix. He is a white dude in his late 40’s. He is a writer and wears a pair of nerdy glasses. We went to a bar and had a beer, which only took about 30 minutes. I was so bored while he was talking about a camping trip with his 2 sons. I am not into camping at all and children are so annoying. Felix and I had nothing in common and the whole time I kept wanting to take out my phone, perhaps to order a ride home. 

Why is that we’re so uncomfortable with boredom? Have we all developed ADD? Is this why Adderall abuse is happening? 

I never heard back from Felix. Maybe he was also bored with me.

This is a boring blog post.

hommi Asískir stefnumótum

Just before I deleted Chappy and Tinder in earlier this year, I matched with a cute boy named Olafur on Tinder. He is 25 years old from Iceland. He is a college student majoring in music. Coincidentally one of my favorite musician is Olafur Arnald who is also Icelandic.

Olafur, the college student, not the professional musician, was cute and it seemed like we had common interest. But I was worried, based on multiple negative experiences with some of millennials I went (or tried to go out) with.

Read about Patrick: Why did the cock cross the road? and Mac: Tidying up AF. Both of these a-holes resulted in dating app deletions.

Olafur and I decided to meet for coffee on a Saturday afternoon. I had many errands to run that day and I even rescheduled another potential date to meet Olafur. As I was panicking for running late to the coffee date, I texted him to apologize that I was running few minutes behind.

I seek a geek.

Just before I deleted the dating app, Chappy, in earlier this year, I matched with a guy named, Franklin. He is a 38-year-old white guy, who seems like a wholesome dude from mid-west. We exchanged phone numbers and texted for a few days. Then between my travel and being stood up by Mac, I deleted Chappy and lost touch with Franklin. Read about Mac here: Tidying Up AF.

Few weeks later, Franklin texted to apologize for ghosting. We made plans to have dinner. I don’t know if this happens to other people, but I tend to run into people I know while I am on a date. So I picked a place that a far from a gay venue, an Irish pub. And I accidentally scheduled it on Valentine’s day.

On the day of our dinner date, there was a snowstorm and I was worried he was going to cancel.  But he showed up.

Small gay world!

Throughout the month of June, all of my LGBTQ brothers and sisters are out marching and celebrating our freedom since the Stonewall riot 50 years ago in NYC. All of gays are out waving their rainbow flags and love is love t-shirts and of course I cannot celebrate the pride month without running into all of my the guys I have been out with. 

I ran into Keegan and Marshall. (Read Singled-Out about them). As I was talking to them, I saw the reiki guy too. Apparently, they are friends.

It’s always awkward to run into your exes, people you hooked up with or bad dates. But most importantly, it is always great to run into all your closest friends and others celebrating pride.

In the shallow, shallow.

In the shallow, shallow.

Last year, I was chatting with a guy on Grindr who had a shirtless profile photo and seemed pretty decent looking. Our conversation super shallow. It went something like“hi, how are you. Good and you? Good. That’s good….”

He didn’t put his age on his profile, but I believe he was in his 40’s. He had a bald head with blue eyes that were too small to be noticed.

We decided to meet for drinks on a Sunday evening at a neighborhood pub. I didn’t think it was a dinner date so when I arrived, I sat at the bar. However, he ordered a turkey sandwich AND a pumpkin pie, while I drank my apple cider (It was in November) and uncomfortably watch him eat a meal. I ain’t gonna lie, I wanted a piece of that….. the pumpkin pie I mean.

It got really bizarre when he stood up at the bar seat and had the bar stool pulled out so far, it was blocking people walking by, and he just stood there. He talked about his back pain and needing a massage. I think he was hinting for me to massage him like a power bottom with ass up in the air.

He also mentioned that he is a Reiki master and offered to do Reiki on me. It seemed too sleazy and I just wasn’t having it. I didn’t even order a third beer and as soon as he took the last bite of the pumpkin pie (without offering to me at all), I asked for the check and pretty much took off running with dust cloud behind me.

And of course, I see him at the gym all the time now. And judging by his work out routines, he didn’t seem like he was suffering from back pain.

Playing Tinder Crush Saga

On Halloween night of last year, to prevent overeating Halloween candy, I got on Tinder and madly swiped for hours. I saw a profile photo of a cute guy with blue eyes and a warm smile. Immediately, I swiped right then I heard that “broop-bing” match the sound. You all know that sound that makes your endorphins going like a Pavlov’s dog.

Compared to 400 other matches, Doug and I actually chatted, which lead to the next level of swapping phone numbers, and even went far as meeting up for coffee.